What's on your mind right now?

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When you try not to guilt trip after someone elderly-ish compliments your eyewear before asking 'can you do me a favour?' to which you remain silent b/c you think to yourself how a possible request for money or something else is going to ruffle your day up even more on your semi-agitated way to a grocery store.

I swear it's like neuronormatives find saying openly saying that your not a 'people person' or enjoy/revel in 'alone time' bizarre b/c it's essentially code for 'addiction indulgence time' for them.
___

There is a Youtuber I like. A married woman who seems so 'endearingly saccharine' that it's an exuding of 'innocence' you find bizarre and uncanny, so much so that it makes you think 'what are they trying to hide?' or 'what did they really go through?' in an unsettled way. I'm referring to 'BananaJamana'. ^_^ It's so 'darn cute and uplifting' to see videos with her.

It makes sense, things make sense after watching the 'My abusive figure skating life' video she put up once:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zM0KLcgHsLo

Canoe trips I can take after my ankle is functioning again.

After all that failure and social rejection, makes me want to withdraw. Fear failure and rejection.

Do not mean to be unapproachable or curtor calloused. But seriously, some of the kindest, smartest, most emotionally normal precious lil "people" I have ever interacted with, ended up homophobic.

Risk versus reward

Yesterday a stranger from a car offered me a ride. Refused. Paranoid of rape.

Unless you are precognitive or telepathic, you don't know who to trust

The purpose of counseling is to make statements that are correct. But misleading implications. That way they manipulate you, without "lying"

For example, "the reason why I asked if you were ok was not because I was trying to figure you out or being nosy but because I care".

"Care" means "to attend to" in the dictionary, ass hole


It does not specify legality, morality, outcome, intention


f**k Anthony Rodgers

The statement was correct. But "care" sounds like that penis would tolerate something he did not like. That penis would not even accept it when I did yoga

"We would rather not have you doing yoga. It's distracting "

Everything is grounding, neither, or distracting

You can't guarantee. Just the first two


He "cared" about me, as long as I did not do anything "distracting"

Thus claiming veto authority over everything I did, just because he did not like it (because it was distracting)


That was eight years ago and it is still "distracting" me





Too many idiots have already violated my trust

Adrenal fatigue

"Holier than thou"

Resignation




It's because before the interaction, both parties expect certain assumptions

Unspoken

And I feel uncomfortable asking lil dipshits to say "excuse me" instead of "what"

Or say "women" not "girls"

If I ask, they either do it more, the same, or less

If it's more, it's angering

If it's the same, they ignored me

If it's less, it's whooptie do

Cost benefit analysis


Lil homophobic simpletons from San Diego never apologized the f**k up


My breasts feel large and heavy



Destroyed my "life"



Wish I joined the military before I diagnosed

Gender identity Disorder
Depression
Menopause
Counseling
Anxiety
Autism


But if I were to have enlisted age 18 , I could have been a soldier, sailor, coastie, marine, airman


Peace corps

Civilian working for military

Confusing existence...

I need to be smarter with time

The man who was kind enough to wait fr me to pik up my order (since the delivery person had not shown up) came out in the freezing rain to give it to me
He also pronounced my name correctly which few ppl do

I think he was Sri Lankan or South Indian

The lawyer was one of those nationalities originally but he always mispronounced my name.

Their secretary receptionist lady was WHITE (blonde n blue eyed )
and yet she pronounced my name correctly

He always heard my name as I wd start off every phone call n voicemail by stating my name

There’s no way he didn’t know how to say it

n its short n easy

The way He pronounced it is the name of a Disease

The way my bullies used to

I shd have put it together- he might have been pronouncing it that way on purpose just as a bit of his bad nature leaking out.

Malice or complex

(tje brown ppl who have a complex of dealing with other brown ppl n being linked yo them so they maintain a facade of ‘accents’ n mispronouncing words)

Yuck

Wondering if it's worth fixing relationships when there's a lot of arguing. There was some good...but more arguing. I haven't yet figured out why there are recurring arguments in my relationships.

It takes two to tango...or so we say. But does it? Aren't fights fought on two sides, yet there's typically only one victor? Or are both parties the worse off?

I don't get it...

I'm very stuffed up right now. I took one of my pea green Tylenols. It should help me to get through the night.

The beginning of the end of my pathological adolescence..

If I could date thrice and have the dates occur like certain episodes on the YouTube channel 'The skin deep' in terms of interaction that would one for the bucket list. If I could date thrice and have the dates occur like certain episodes on the YouTube channel 'The skin deep' in terms of interaction maybe while going through '{The and} card game' that would one for the bucket list.

One of the surest ways to prevent the devastating toil it took someone like myself to attain the 'Functions and relations--MCR3U1' Ontario high school math credit is that there be much more open-ness as far as 'public academia' goes into cognitive studies as to what goes on inside a mind when doing such a level of math..>:l I mean the 'post-algebra' kind like trignometry and (like what that credit was in major way 1/3 of) functional *pre-calculus*...all that hassle for society apparently pleading for more technologists but no one within the labour investment process would do such a study in the interest not only of mental health but efficacious pedagogy?.

>:l "F---k you!" is what I have to say to such persons who discourage something like that, which would diminish cognitive gaps and demonstrate what 'post-millenial' adulthood is intellectually capable of on a regular basis.

.R.I.P. Karl Lagerfeld.

Anger

And, my son is sleeping.

Hmmm...

If I'm not the body, then this also means I'm not the brain that controls the body.
If I'm not the brain, that would also means I'm not the mind nor the emotions.
If I'm not the mind or the emotions, then I'm not my thoughts, I'm not my job and roles, I'm not my personality and preferences.

If so, what? Whaaat???

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