What's on your mind right now?

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I always picture life like a board game. You have to start at the "GO" square and make your way around the board with pitfalls here and there, trying to get to the finish line.

Some people get to team up and have a partner for their entire game. Other people play alone.

I once had a dream that everyone had a personality like rolling a dice. People who were born with a six had the most chance of success. The twos would be happily married, etc.

Aces were wild. They would never have a partner. I was an ace.

So save your strength, and run the field you play alone. (Elton John)

I know how you feel. I pretty much played "alone," too.

But you've made it. And you're making it.

Despite the fact that you had to "go it alone."

THAt is true
N then you fall down different levels and loose whatever ‘powers’ or abilities u acquired and start frm scratch often or worse

Money
Xh doesnt pay babysitter
Issues with forms i had t received them even though care coordinator insisyed i had
I asked fr them to be resent several times n she said u shd have gotten them each tym instead of sending me a batch

I had not received those ones

Lost funding which wd have covered 1.5 months of babysitter

Phone completely broken
Ceiling neefs to be repaired
Bathtub grouting needs to be done
Bought a curtain yesterday to cover one window
Kid getting minimum to no help or care or therapy esp considering his needs
Kids with less needs get more help therapIsrs say ‘we dont have the skill set’ wheb i try to call them n hire them or they are booked
Therefore he only has one therapist who can barely keep up b has a packed schedule he only gets a few hrs a week
She is not a speech physio or occupational therapist
Occupational therapists r the most useless people in the world do nothing or actually negligent (eg not mailing forms on time so kid has to wait a whole yr - more actually we r still waiyinh- fr his commode so he can be toilet trained ) max they do is inform u of The stuff u can purchase out of pocket that info too u have to hound them for
Car oil needed change fr weeks n weeks now shaking
Money fr wipes diapers clotjes food
Bills
Supplements fr kid n special honey
No anything
School speech therapisrs falsely say he is not ready when the assessment at home by private therapy confirmed he is more than ready lazy

XH doesnt care

The problem is nobody is kind enough to shoot me repeatedly at my request till i am confirmed dead
Their ‘caring’ is just enough to keep u limping along

OH YES we need a mattress too the one we had completely done
My dad is willing to bleed himsekf to deatj living alone lonely working hard, often sick (he was born with severe asthma n has low white blood cell count etc ) to cover everything
N he will smile n act humble n cheerful n positive while bleeding to death paying debts bills and trying to hold up everyone he can even pol who arent family

But i dont want to tell him fr the same reason ppl are reluctant to kick an injured animal
Torturing ppl to get by - wd rayher b dead
Dishonourable state

MR jarndyce is my dad
He was immature before n very pronr to hyperness n mistakes n viewing the world as smthinh to protect everyone from
Afraid of therapy afraid of letting me on my own knowing of my anxiety panic depression but mom refused to acknowledge it n let me get therapy or meds
Educated but acted uneducated
Inner conflicys
Now dad is mr jarndyce
Referred to ex lawyer as an ‘insect’ when i told him i still get mad n depressed at that n immediately said God forgive me. Forgive u fr what? Insect is the least of the word tht cd be applied to such ppl

I dont want to continue being harold skimpole
I told him that a million times n he reacted exactlu as Jarndyce wd have

My (kindest smartest) brother who is one yr younger than me told me he saw a vivid dream in which my dad got to pray beside the Prophet
N many ppl were scrabbling fr the spot but cd not access n my dad just easily walked over without difficulty n prayed beside him
My brother Said that dream gave him a very uplifted n peaceful feeling

I had a dream lasr night that a therapist or dr gave me some special bed that i needed n was v kind n respectful
I didnt want to wake up

I shouldn't share my art because some girl drew less embarrassing pictures than what I do but quite similar and she was talented and she got made fun of by everyone on social media.

>x( .. =_= ..for the sake of lowering risks/ influencing in a detrimental way whether I'll be employed at a library, I cancelled an ~$400 trip I booked for 5 days b/c explaining ~"I won't be available or contactable via phone or email from the 15th to 20th" to someone who will take who knows how many days to go through others before possibly 'singling out me' ( >:( IN A GOOD WAY) as being hired, trained et al, presumably sometime before the 22nd will complicate things and make me more angsty..

If I'm not hired, I book for the trip again ASAP, even though the job description said they are hiring ASAP.

I f---g hate it when life harasses me by making me pick btw two nice experiences and I can't have really have both.
__

@TUF: I appreciate it whensoever anyone is transparent/honest enough to explain what possible actions might shame or embarrass them to do as it reminds me of how I've lived for most of my life and how I'm apparently still f---g human when I find out others have done similarly and actually put the verb articulating effort to express it.

My son is snoring cutely.

Already scared at times that the sprinkler system will start clicking a lot when it gets warmer here.
If it does, I hope someone can fix that.

sexually frustrated but haven't done anything

why not deal with the sexual frustration yourself while the itty bitty sleeps? sex for one is safe sex.

Seriously I see no way forward in "life"

Six out of ten personality disorders diagnosed

Not many jobs or friends will want anything to do with me

And they have the right to reject me

Friends do not have demographic quotas

They can be friends with whoever they want

$$ running out

Dipshit homophobic simpletons acted like, inciting a riot . But not even an email apology

Court order

Do not feel comfortable, asking idiots to do what I want. Or stop doing what I hate.

For example do not feel comfortable, asking idiots to say " excuse me" instead of "what" and "huh"


They either do it less often, the same, or more often


Only one out of three is favorable


And they are not all equally likely to occur


And if they do it less often, how much less. And what is the caveat? For example, maybe they replace it with other annoying behavior


They could do it more, just to get on my nerves



And if they do it less, whooptie do


But sometimes I feel like the dipshit should know how to read nonverbal communication well enough to know that they "hurt" me. Getting on my nerves..


f**k Anthony thudium,

f**k Anthony Rodgers




f**k Amy Lee scheel b***h


The lil c**t used to interrupt me when I was talking, to ask me what I was going to say next







She did not even know she was not perfect



She (and "most people") act like they truly believe that they are the latest greatest thing since sliced bread










Every day is the same

Going nowhere in "life"



Maybe I should have gone to college



Oh that's right. I did go to college

Space.

...and now, the final frontier.

These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.

NCC-1701.

I'm so nerdy.

OK bai

I realize when i type in a rush


freely writing the way my brain is thinking instead of editing

about smthing i care for n feel strongly about

lots of thoughts strung together


then reading it over it sounds like I’m angry rven though im not

No wonder the occasionally untruthful man
believed the extremely untruthful and malicious manipulative ‘fake victim’ woman he works with

Even though i told him i dont lie n wdnt lieabt that

I would if he would let me be alone.
He usually sleeps in the bed with me.
So, he cries if he's alone, usually.
But, if he finally sleeps really deep... I may be able to put him in his crib.
I haven't tried yet cause he's been acting a bit rowdy.

I fed him like 5 times.
Then he spit up 3 times.
Then, I laid him on my stomach to calm him down (he spit up 3rd time). Then, he tried to attack me for food.
He was only this way once before.

I thought maybe it's cause I'm a bit angry at my neighbor for thinking that I was harassing her. But, I thought I was better today.

What is the moral of homophobia?

"Be true to yourself" sounds good. But, homophobic precious lil "people", "be true to yourself" .

(Wrong)


"Do your best" is simple and elegant. It sidesteps the question of "what is your best" and learning disorder.

But there is no way to know what "your best" is.


Instead I ask "how many workaholic symptoms did you have?"




Confirmation bias





Appetite gone haywire


Feel like gorging several times a day and can't think about anything else until bloated full


Breasts feel large and heavy.


Crave social interaction, but it seems so meaningless and stupid


Questions for the sake of showing interest



Gave up on friends altogether, a long time ago


Motor cortex


Social anxiety Disorder makes it hard to relax in the dojo or outside the building


"World's strictest parents" . Drama, theater.



One week and I am 36 years old


Job applicants over 40 are subject to age discrimination

I dress like a jakey tim I think... Someone pointed it out... I don't care though in my line of work there's no reason not to wear my favourite trackies and they make me happy.

That old bloke last night was uneducated which is sad. Not my job to educate him though, if he wants to not know what he's writing then it's him who's losing out on an audience and me who's able to gain it.

My tutor means well but never emails.