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Doctor Butler, "communication" , all she did was flap her trap

What did the b***h expect me to wait for, a farewell party?

She shook my hand three times

Was she going to. 4

The psychiatrist said "you are a smart girl" but my medical records say "male". He asked if I was high school. 36. He didn't bother to read my medical records. But that could be a good thing, because he didn't read what doctor Butler said



Silver lining





Should have made an appointment before leaving the building


Idiots


He asked a schizophrenic screening question


Then he followed it up with "but you live in Richmond"




He acted like he wanted to diagnose me with schizophrenia


But he didn't care I already have a diagnosis for autism


And autism is just like schizophrenia


The diagnosis matches the drug


Court mandated counseling


Over and over he asked, Mandated Reporter question





Doctor Butler asked my pronoun and I answered


Ten minutes later, a counseling intern called me "they"




It's like, ass holes ask me the same questions over and over and don't read the responses



Manipulative

Judgmental

Entitled

Arrogant


Nobody told me to wait for the appointments

And I was going to leave the building



They acted like they were doing me a personal favor by reminding me




Ass holes



The nutritionist didn't te me anything I don't know






She did not say anything about eating disorder


Or count calories


Just, hobby

Counselors

Eat less chocolate

More protein

Fewer carbs









Doctor Butler should have read me my Miranda rights


In this building, the only "right" you have, is remain silent


Àss hole

Dixkwad is an ass hole


Shut the f**k up


All it does is sit around eating and talking


It's too tempting


Pressure


Encourage


And then I gain weight






The path of least resistance

.. There are numerous edges of eternities, as would be and would never be.
There are just paths that I simply cannot simply choose nor would do so.

How could I know a part of me that is a human that given up or had moved on for the same reasons?
And underneath all that is far from the same things as the outcome of desire would've reflected?

Sometimes I question myself if this war is merely my own, or a part of something bigger.
Logic of my own will point out it's just me and it's just mine, not needing to question on the scope beyond of what is being seen or felt.

All these eternities beyond where I stand are underwhelming and overwhelming, but it is a change nonetheless.
It just confuses me so, if I should choose, or if I do have the right to choose, or even if I should choose and have the right to, what would it be in the end??

Sometimes I ponder, that if the human's concept of hopes and dreams are just so shallow -- it doesn't go deeper than it appears, out of awe of any form.
Or that if those hopes and dreams, thought it will come true when certain desires are satiated yet despite would it remain ongoing for most of many lives?

It's just right now I'm seeing things a little too far and way ahead of myself.
The me being human would look forward to certain futures that would fulfill the things I had had desired, and so do many else's.

Yet a part of me wanted to stray and forget all of this for it is hopeless and pointless, pessimistic and cynical as ever.
And the most confusing of all a certain part of me would let everything go and come what may, and see these thoughts as a distraction that mustn't perpetuate.

Sometimes I simply ponder of this existence, of mine and everything else's.
Even there are times if the heart is even as real as the mind and the memories that can always fade, just as the body would.

There are times that sometimes I had reach at certain points that words alone will never describe..
.. Except that there too many tones and angles at play that many of which opposed to one another, not even a dimensions of spectrums can point it out, let alone dichotomies.

More often than not, being 'on the ground', and 'distracted' in more ways than one; I question myself if I should stay 'here' and have that longing taste that is the hopeful futures.
Sometimes I simply forget how to see and think of things beyond of what I 'must' or 'should' do or sense and 'living', feeling stuck down 'here' and cannot get 'out'.


I cannot stay 'there', and I cannot stay 'here'. I don't understand what it meant. Maybe yet, maybe never.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I just found hundreds of pictures I did when I was 16 and they're hilarious and I wonder if it's bad to laugh at yourself.

I meant half of them as jokes but the rest were serious and they're just 'so bad they're good' quality...

At least it shows my art style is improving.

For sure most of these are jokes, I have one which is about poo and one which is about a big fish eating a little fish and one which is about healthy eating and the chocolate bar says don't eat me and the banana says eat me instead.

It's obvious I was classmates with Bobby/best friends with Bobby a year before they were done because it's the same sense of humour as in his art now. We used to make jokes together all the time in school.

An understated reason for not being fond of ‘going out’ is a hatred of traffic.

Antipathy/hatred for how my dad is watching footage of police arresting 'delinquents' in El Salvador whilst commenting ~"Wrong side of the road. Stupid ppl nothing better to do" etc..=_= as usual that sort of kyriarchic b.s. reminds me how for the universal acceptance, responsibility and *caring* of 'the mind and body are same', non dualism to catch on classism inflamed b.s. like that needs to cease mainly via authentic behavioural decisions, like =_= indeed as f---g subjective as it is (vernacular) 'do the right thing' b/c binding unifying gauge of the human experience/condition is health.*MENTAL* health and not only fitness. Do yourself and not only everyone else a favour. Believe it or not dumba--- apathetic self-deception compassion is why you are alive, patience is the reason for which you are living and simplicity is keeping you alive. I cannot overstate enough how scarcity is codependent on that last one.

An idea for assertiveness classes which might work. Conduct what are essentially 'improv drama' sessions but give situations which are usually upsetting and/or specifically upsetting for a person (ex. being cut off in a grocery line or a rude customer being uncooperative). Let the persons go 'all out' in terms of expressing being upset. Have the person running the session point out what was done, the context, reasons etc and ask to repeat it maybe up to five times until things are felt to be more comfortable.

I'm not too sure how long such session would take but I think it's better than letting ppl continue through life insecure about how assertive they can be or needing to do the 'it takes 10,000 times before you get it right/it becomes a skill' shtick on your own.

Maybe the counseling intern finished early with me and doctor Butler was planning to return with the prescription during the conversation. Nobody told me to wait for the prescription. The psychiatrist called the prescription into the pharmacy. He did not give me the prescription. Neither psychiatrist nor nutritionist shook my hand. Doctor etcheverry and doctor Butler shook my hand, two and three times.


Do not leave the building until after the farewell party.



Do not leave the building just because the janitor came, the lights went off, or the building is on fire










The ass holes acted like they were doing me a favor by giving me my appointments, on the way out. Like I forgot it. Wrong. They should have given it to me earlier.





Penises act so f*****g innocent



f**k those ass holes





Asked nutritionist about overeating. She said, hobby. Ex, knitting.




But I am way too depressed to like anything or be good at anything. Attention zaps. Ssri.








Nutritionist, psychiatrist, medical doctor, said nothing about, eating disorder or autism. Psychiatrist asked, how do you know it's 61 miles. He didn't believe it, but he knew he didn't have a basis for arguing. So he just ignored it


Nutritionist said, eat less candy and carbs. More protein. Get a counselor.


Vague advice. Correct but so vague it's like, whatever


Nobody said anorexic, bulimic, anything like that




Even though autism is just like schizophrenic, ass holes don't care




"Care":. To attend to



Doesn't specify, outcome, intention, legality, morality



So e articles claim that the drug manufacturer bribe doctors with cars, as commission


Manipulation


Bring a lawyer to the doctor appointment


s**t I don't have enough resources to compete with those lil dipshits






Alexander the great

Conquer the world


Constellation


Breast fat


Feel so vulnerable


"You have a right to remain silent"

You don't have any other rights

Everything else is "kindness"

Panhandler





Cobbler


Tuna noodle casserole


Every f*****g day, gorge


Gained weight


But not as much or as soon as logical


"For you"



No hobbies, friends, school, job, job skills, goals


Just waiting for the next meal

Snack


Indulgent



Gave up on "life" a long time ago





Wheelchair wheelbarrow


"Don't put all your eggs in one basket"

"Do your best"




Burnout


Do nothing all day long



Join the military



Itchy legs


Bed bugs exterminator

I'm tired. I need to go to sleep soon.
Busy day possibly tomorrow....
Ugh I get tired of noises that are stupidly annoying.

About to go to sleep

dreading getting another trumpian stiff-arming from the Office of Personnel Mismanagement

I'm pretty much sure we're not going to sign anyone this transfer window.

My solution would be to go for Iranian players or Thai players or other players who will not know why it's a big deal.

But they're aiming at Europeans and even worse aiming at Scots. It's naïve in this current climate.

That or we get McCarthy cos he is desperate for us.

It costs ~$15 a session for seeing a personal fitness trainer at Mohawk's David Bradley centre.
Due to it being done by student's they are unavailable until September.

It was an achievement to gather enough energy to make the call.
__

Whenever I watch the reaction videos of the couple Dwayne and Jasmin, I feel like a ‘third wheel’.

Extroverts

Survival of the fittest

Written social contract

Going nowhere in "life"

Role model

Allusion, illusion, miscommunication, misconception, myth, misunderstanding

Attitude,

Bias

Vulnerable

Imply

Fragile

Overpowered

Useless

Waste

Effexor side effects

Psychiatrist acted like I had a reasonable chance at a job

My medical records was right in front of him

He didn't have to ask the same question as doctor Butler and etchiverry

Although it could be a good thing that he didn't read Jeannie's notes

Circumstances surrounding my "life"

Move forward

Think outside the box

Do something useful

Warren kept telling me "relax", bit social anxiety Disorder


Bedbugs, exterminator $$$

Saw some bugs in my bed

Did not kill them

Because you can not kill all of them

Closure

Incite a riot

Love

Accept

Court mandated financial reparations

Manipulation

My giant to-do list

I want a cure for Aspergers. It's the only way I'll ever have a girlfriend and to have a birthday celebration that actually feels like one for me.