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It is sunny with a light breeze now in Portland.

.. At least my mom didn't overestimated herself just because she has an autistic daughter. At least she doesn't claim to 'know' things just because. At least she tried somehow, and realized it may take more than just reading and knowing about things to understand.

I would never blame her.

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No hobby

No job

No future

No "life"

Idiot wanted me to come in for a interview same day



Cracked phone screen

"Miscommunication"


Some ass holes act like they are so cute, funny, awesome, smart, wise, cool



"Most people"

'Planet eater' has successfully shown to me how Godzilla is a metaphor for destruction as a consequence of human craving esp. in terms of tech and the *apparent* thriving it provides in the face of the inevitable destruction of the environment etc. The ending was rather cryptic. Haruo being triggered by the voice of the Exif priest after the Professor explained how he could reactivate a 'Vulture' mechanism, being a reminder of how 'harvesting a planet' once having achieved tech based hubris of how Ghidorah will come again in a matter of time as the Exif priest says. When the surviving crew hears about it they laugh and look forward to ditching the 'primitive lifestyle' they have adjusted too. ~"You can [also] pick your losing battles...you don't need to ever understand that" he says to one Mothra expy twin priestess like character before taking the 'Vulture' mecha and his nanometer infected arguably comatose friend, yelling that if Godzilla really is an avatar of destruction he'll take away ~'all the curses of the past', looking 'relieved' before the incoming collision of an atomic breath given how it's unlikely that purposely crashing a mecha would harm 'the burning mountain' in the light of what went on for most of the three other movies.


*Cryptic* is the key word here.

Man, I could imagine the anxiety that would have built up in me, if I actually watched the movies when they came out. The subtones of the dangers of followings, cults and a drive towards destruction and despair with a religious vibe...it's something I haven't quite seen since the days of watching the 2k3 'FMA' anime but I was sated in two ~1h40min and ~1hr30min movies. The after credit scenes of children doing a ritual where they say what they would like the 'god of wrath' (Godzilla and not Ghidorah?) to take away?...it there an expectation that one of those children was the child which Haruo had with one of the Mothra twin priestess expo's he left behind? .

That book was written by someone who hates white people. It was ruined by it. She could have described colonialism and hair without snide comments about other people's physical appearances and refusal to accept the histories she learned at school which need telling.

Each of us is driven by a sense of proto-politics. This is a politics which emerges in childhood or very young teenage years. If someone lacks it, they will always see politics as something which can be objective but for the rest of us, our experiences shape how we see things and we seek things out in confirmation bias. Indeed to 'lack it' might not even be to lack it but simply to see things from a privileged perspective.

There is a hierarchy. And I wasn't at the top of that hierarchy. I wasn't at the bottom either but in that town, I pretty much was at the bottom because there was nothing else. Those who celebrate being at the top - not all at the top but those who celebrate it - will mistreat those 'lower'. That was in how they treated me and it was in the pictures of Bobo as a monkey which they had on the wall of that pub.

Anyway now I'm reading 'Reasons To Stay Alive' by Matt Haig.

Wasted several hours of my life, laying on the bed with eyes closed with discomfortable breathing and nothing 'deeper' than that.

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Some people are good at copying.
I feel a bit sick (hot).
Connection w people harder w cellphones?

Just trying to tread water and hope it gets calmer soon!

My brother used to tell me this all the time. We were kids. Just kid's stuff....

Why don't you go into the thread we're doing, and talk about what you like in women.

It's in "Love and Dating."