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It's late now. That break away from social media helped. Even though it was just a morning and just drifting back in the afternoon. I'm going to do that again tomorrow.

I liked the scenery part of my drawing but paint pens are not the best medium for portraits and if I were to use them again, I would go more abstract and not put the faces in.

I need to start thinking about my art and what I do and don't like about it. I need to stop relying on the internet for my opinions on something that important to me. In future, I should just post if I fancy it and feel strong enough to then ignore the responses, especially the negative but even the positive.

Funny how after all that fuss he's staying.

Money for generations is stupid. If you're a millionaire already, quit living your life based on money.

I don't want to talk capitalism on Celtic sub.

Tomorrow - research camera, buy camera, do routine. Don't check SM til 5. If I get home before 12, do submissions.

We idiot at the library keeps bothering me. He looks friendly, but appearances sometimes deceive

Friday 9 am , one effexor. That's the second time. 10 to 4 am tried and failed to sleep. 5 t to 6 am slept fine. Only a little more lethargic than usual

Saturday 10 to 5:30 am bed.

Felt like gorging

s**t

f**k mister redelings

Sunday 10 to 6:50 am bed

Dreamt that my only friend was riding in my car. She said she was sick. As usual. And I was trying to control the car , while sitting in the back seat


Grumpy grouchy frustrated angry annoyed repressed today


Don't know why




Electro convulsive therapy

Counseling



Anesthesiology


Yesterday Rolando Morales penis got on my nerves



Hiccupped two times and the penis had the nerve ask "are you ok ?"


Judgmental and manipulative


s**t refuse to say "thank you" to Rolando Morales penis


He acts like he is so f*****g innocent





Then he rudely commented on my "surprised" facial expressions

Put a muzzle on it, ass hole



Alpha male

Public school special education teacher

High school

Fat

Drill sergeant, marine corps


"Huh" is not the etiquette equivalent of " excuse me"


Triggering and provocative


Luna bar

Tofu


Broccoli


Falafel



Ate a lot of eggs lately


Protein calcium cholesterol fat

Egg yolk

Nutritionist said, throw away the yolk

But that's $$$

And the yolk tastes the best s**t


Chores


Corporal punishment


Hard to cope with change


Effexor made bowel movements plural, take more time and energy


Felt incomplete


Hungry


Felt like gorging


Court mandated financial reparations



Rolando Morales penis had the nerve to ask me "why are you tense?"

Correlation versus causation

Authority, resources, competition

Absolute "truth"

Model answer

Actors and model


Ten years ago a karate " instructor" Rachel Evans. San Francisco. Had the nerve to ask me "why are you trembling?"


Ativan side effects



The c**t would not take it





Closeminded power crazy


She acted like she wanted to injure my worthless corpse






So what could I have done ?


Get a doctor note

She could have said, forged



Call the phone number



She could have said, you hired someone to answer the phone





In statistics, correlation versus causation is extremely difficult to find



Conscious incompetence


Not essential job function



Rachel and Rolando Morales penis acted like I was "tense" and "trembling" on purpose




There might not be a model answer


If there is a model answer, it takes time money energy skills and authority to find


And I don't have the resources plural to get the model answer



But that doesn't matter





Because, the c***s could always pull rank

Authority


Veto authority over anything they don't like




Ass holes


Curry


Samosa


Idiots belong in a zoo


f**k Rolando Morales penis


Aikido of Berkeley head b***h Kayla feder b***h put a flyer

Tuition raise 20 bucks a month

Now 125 bucks a month


Greedy, materialistic superficial b***h


She makes idiots like Rolando Morales penis and Ricardo teach for free volunteer


If I owe anyone money, it's Rolando Morales penis





The flyer said that "after conducting research", she "discovered" that aikido is the cheapest martial arts in the San Francisco Bay area


Of course not b***h

"Research" does not meaN surf the internet

"Research" means empirical analysis.


Double blind study


She did not "discover" jack s**t


Like Columbus did not "discover America"



Power words


Connotation



Denotation


Kayla feder b***h from aikido of Berkeley lives in a house in an expensive area. It's her sole source of income. She can move to a ghetto and get rid of the car



Entitled stupid ass b***h







f**k Kayla feder b***h

Just yesterday, I went out around 4PM or so for a walk.
And I had decided to go random, starting by following that one narrow road that a village mainly surrounds it with. This is somewhere near the heart of the city.

After an hour of following the path, well... I nearly ended up at the city's edge. So I tried to find a familiar path, mainly the highway. It took about an hour.
Said familiar path, would take another 3 hours on foot on my way home with my usual route.

So, yay I found a shortcut that would take me about an hour or more to a certain place -- and took me nearly twice as long to go back home from a familiar route.

Got home at 8PM. And it didn't ended there.
I was dragged into making some office paper work in the village's office hall by my mom.
Then there were heavy rain falls during my time in the office.

Typing those papers were tedious. Out of all people, they took me because some secretary's son, supposedly the person who should be in my place then, had gone off elsewhere and hadn't able to do it themselves.

Nearly skipped lunch and dinner. Had a take out instead.
Then went home past midnight.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

That I don't feel like anyone needs me. If I was just to exile myself from society nothing will happen and life will just go on as if I didn't exist in the first place.

My mother wasn't suppose to be able to have kids anymore so I came by total surprise... I wonder if I am a mistake, not by her but, by god...

Those plans didn't work, plans depending on others rarely do because others are unreliable.

So for the next hour - do submissions.

Then out for lunch. Then do routine without checking SM. Don't check SM until 17:00. Don't do CAH until I've done 5 drafts.

This evening, do crosswords, get to 5 drafts of my poem, find picture & draw outline.

I'm fretting over the weather - want to get down to the sea for a swim.

Spoiled upper middle class brat from aikido . f**k it's dad for paying. f**k the instructor for taking it



Rolando Morales penis's daughter looks so well taken of

Blue belt but she doesn't look like it


A b***h emailed me a job interview invitation yesterday 4 pm

It said "Wednesday" and Tuesdays date




So I answered, Wednesday is ok

She told me it was, Tuesday


Pull rank

No apology

No thank you

Authority


That's just warehouse


s**t I will never

Ideal job
STEM
Introvert, autistic job


Heartburn
Stomachache


Ticket sales job call me back. Left message. Yesterday. Train station is just one bus away from jail cell


But job description says, lift one hundred pounds


Confident I can't

But "discrimination"


Might as well go

One more story to tell live journal, counselor, only friend






Community Foods bathroom was out of order a couple of weeks ago


Going to check again


Ghetto ass grocery store


Don't want to shop there much less work there




Want to quit aikido



Rolando Morales penis gets on my nerves


Tuition going from 105 month to 125


Minimum wage is only 15


Kayla feder doesn't set foot inside the building


She's superior


All she does is slave labor

Send idiots that won't shut the f**k up


Rolando Morales penis put a muzzle on it


Snout

Today I did art again Tomorrow my camera comes.

Plan for tomorrow:
1 targeted social media, putting my 'old man face' up on the doodle sub. Remember now that it's a good picture and that people ignoring or downvoting it don't matter because people have different tastes and it's my first biro picture and I only took half an hour over it and I'm amazed how well it turned out. But it's just a doodle, don't plaster it anywhere else.
2 go for exercise in the gym
3 then put computer away and don't look at it until after 12:00. Read, write and draw in a cycle. If stepdad wants to go out, go out.
4 after lunch, routine
5 after 17:00, check SM.
6 If I finish poem, play CAH, if I don't, don't.

My problem with the KT picture is that he has some incredibly tricky skin to draw. It's different shades. Also I'm better at drawing ugly people than pretty people. I hate saying ugly but in pictures, it's all just an aesthetic thing.

I'm imploding.

Scared of people judging me and my situation.

^^^
i hope you can remember that their judgment isn't worth much, certainly not worth you worrying about their judgment.

Cold f**k gained weight

Period

Have to stop gorging

No hope

No future




Idiots are doing their best

Idiots are "be true to yourself"

Annoying ass holes

Entitled lil dipshits


Emily deeman b***h married a medical doctor

She's just a grammar school teacher

But she's living it up in San Ramon


She acts like she's being nice

But she's just calloused and thinks about herself



"Most people" talk too much and too loudly and there are too many of them


s**t I don't want to walk so far anymore

Body wants to gain weight


Manipulative psychiatrist asked mandated reporter screening question eight times in one hour

"What happens when you get angry?"

Nothing "happens", any more than it "happens" when I am not angry

Ass hole had the nerve to tell me that "you're a smart girl"

My medical records was right in front of him. "Male", 36, and don't remarks on my IQ

Provocative and triggering but he acted like he was doing me a favor or some stupidass BS






Daily grind


Wheelchair


Then the counseling intern kept calling me "they"


Not unless that's what you call cisg people




Doctor Butler didn't tell even the counseling intern

"He", not "girl"

36 is not a "girl"


Sexist homophobic



What is the definition of "sexist"?




"Sexist" is calling a female "girl" without calling a male the same age a "boy"



Ass hole



My "life" is destroyed



Granted I didn't "do your best", but even if I were you done so, Equal employment opportunity commission, gender identity, was not until 2012

And I was 29 years old




Nobody will hire me and when they do they fire me



Nobody will be my friend



And I am gaining weight rapidly s**t

I am never going to finish all the work I have to do by the June 30 deadline. I have to keep my mind focused and prioritized, got to get that good old executive functioning going.....

I didn't follow the plan tomorrow, finished my routine too late and spent too much time arguing on the internet with idiots.

Tonight:
1 find another list of 30 prompts
2 do first prompt
3 watch match
4 do some more colouring of my picture
5 do crossword if I find the paper
6 get to page 200

Tomorrow:
1 figure out how to do multiple tone skin and hair
2 type up poem/poems
3 gym
4 routine til 17:00

Don't waste time online unless the list is done. Tomorrow 1-3 should only take until about 11:00. If they take longer, don't waste time online.

There are bound to be idiots in the world. It isn't my job to fix everything.