I dreamed about a man and his wife who were in their 50s. I was the man and observing the man at the same time. I felt what he felt, but felt what I felt as an observer of him at the same time (I guess it's some twisted form of empathy). I was me and him, that's the only way I can describe it. This man was a long time alcoholic and was out at a store. He had been drinking. His wife was at home.
The man/me left the store and got in the car to go home. Home was only a few miles away.. Shortly after he crossed an intersection he saw a police car make a right turn and begin to follow about 1/4 mile behind him. He knew he had too much to drink and already had a DUI on his record. He kept glancing in his rear view mirror while trying to drive straight as possible. I could feel his nervousness. he was swerving slightly and at one point his tires crossed the yellow bumps in the road that divide the lanes. Now I could feel his heart pounding in his chest and hear the panicked thoughts in his head as he was sure he would be pulled over. He couldn't take it any more and made a left turn into a parking lot. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw the cop keep going. He felt relief but he also felt anger, maybe at himself. He sat in that parking lot and called his wife on the cell phone.
Now I was in the car and in the house. I was him, his wife, and myself all at the same time. The man yelled at his wife on the phone as some kind of attempt to assuage his own shame and guilt. He couldn't come to terms with his alcoholism so he had been using his wife for decades in this way. He never learned that taking it out on his wife would never take the shame and guilt away. They were rooted too deeply in him. So he yelled at his wife on the phone. She knew he was drunk. She tried to reason with him and calm him down. This was a repeat of a scene she had gone through countless times over the decades. She never learned that reasoning with him would never help even though she had tried and failed so many times. She wanted to cry, not because he was yelling at her, or because she knew the drinking and abuse would become worse when he came home. She wanted to cry because of her own shame and guilt of being trapped in this cycle while her life slipped by. She wanted to cry because she knew she would just take it again. This was the only thing she knew in life. She was completely dependent on this man despite/because of the abuse. The Me observed them knowing I was witnessing a tragedy of lives wasted. All either one of them needed to do was ask for help to break the cycle but both were afraid. They were afraid of change because this was all they knew. He was completely dependent on her and she was completely dependent on him. The Me wanted to step in to stop it but the Them prevented it. I was Them but they couldn't be Me. Then I woke up almost in tears saddened by what I had witnessed. It's hard for me even now to write about it.