What's on your mind right now?

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I no longer care about those political right wingers or left wingers anymore. They're all idiots.

My cards are more reliable than the American media's propoganda. I know what is REALLY going with Trump, more than those MAGAs or Anti-Trumps will ever know...

We are in for some rough times. Just like in the beginning of the last century with the Great Depression and World Wars.

♡◇ ♧♤

Is Trogluddite ok? Not seen him on for a little while.

The connection between religion and sociology.

NTs (ok she's technically not NT, non autistic people) make conversation way harder than it should be.

I'd like to take my son on an outing today. I don't know where to take him.

Weight gain

Hobby

Diversion

"Loss of interest" implies interest

But I was never interested in anything

Several exception

Exhausted all the options

Slouching

Doctor Butler

Doctor etchiverris undergrad major, Latin American studies

Technical incompetence

Nobody will hire me

Got fired a lot of times

No job skills

Wierd personality


Nobody will date me, doctor Butler


The best case scenario is graceful degradation


The worst case scenario is subject to imagination



Risk versus reward

Context


Love



Discipline,



Dead end

There are questions that I really want to ask but don't because I know I'll never get a straight answer:

If abortion is murder, why isn't miscarriage seen as manslaughter?

If people who hate vegans are vegaphobes, then why aren't vegans who hate meat-eaters called omniphobes or carniphobes?

Why does everyone think it's autistic people who have no empathy and not the NTs who bully us, dehumanize us, or force us to take "cures" that could kill them?

Why is it that when someone is self-harming that's seen as bad and serious sign of mental illness, but many rituals in different types of religion have at least some form of self-harm that is seen as acceptable, including fasting?

I had a long stream of consciousness over getting dinner and I can't post it here, I'd post it in adult but it's basically not of interest to anyone else.

This is it without the dirty bits, skip if you don't want to read it but I just wanted to show what my aspie brain works like:
1 there was a time when I was a 13 yo, 13 yo me at that pub and 6 yo him at that pub and he was making a racket and a nuisance of himself but more talented than the other kids and running about after a balloon or something and I was doing the same but I was me.…
2 was it the same for him when he was 13? Anyway, he still hangs around there and I don't, I wish I could just go back there and we could hang out but it would be different now and he would be the one I couldn't hang out with
3 but I hung out with G so why not?
4 remember the cocktails you used to be able to buy and the one we liked to buy was called the Mickey Mouse, all mocktails and someone always bought one
5 Mickey Mouse and Princess
6 so he could be Mickey and I could be Belle because she likes reading. Belle could wear yellow trousers. I could draw this. Would anyone want to see it?
7 but I'm way too tomboy for a princess and he wouldn't want a princess. I could be Peter Pan. I'm probably trans. I was definitely more boy than girl at stage 1 of this long daydream.
8 Peter Pan was always my hero growing up
9 I never really 'grew up', I still look like a kid and live at home
10 he still lives with his parents too... he still hangs out at the same places we used to...

So yeah...
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A was being really patronising in the café but this woman I admire whose name I don't know stood up to him. I think he was jealous cos of what L got me but of course he can't admit that so instead he's 'women cost a lot of money'... It's not about that and he knows it isn't. Maybe he's being polite in pretending? It's none of his business how L spends his money, it was my birthday.
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I'm so fed up of political labels getting in the way of what I actually think. This is why I prefer philosophy over politics. Nobody really sees themselves as a philosophical label so we can actually get in debates and the opinions can even shift, people are so committed to their political labels that nobody wants to concede any ground on it.
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J was really funny talking to that builder and saying what he did when A was right there hahaha... And we joined in and I said 'they have the strong women'.
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Too late now to do any work.
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I shouldn't tell him he reminds me of Leopold Bloom, he will take it as an insult. But I don't mean it as one.
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My art is very dark at the moment.
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I'm imposing politics onto the inspiration - I wonder if that's 'allowed'
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Tomorrow:
go to town and buy Granddad's shirt. It's not women that cost a lot, it's birthday people that cost a lot.

(sorry, apparently the answer was 'a lot')

Got an online interview sched which is tomorrow.
Only for the camera to bust itself right after testing that it was working for an hour or so earlier. It is still working -- it's just the camera's damn wire...

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I know everyone hates me online but I don't care.

It's technically not true anyway. I got upvoted last night quite a bit for telling that troll to sod off.

In town today, got loads of signals that I'm doing the right thing. Got loads of solidarity. Got smiles from girls.

Yes nobody likes me on here but so what? Yes people downvote me on Reddit but so what? Yes nobody likes me on AS or DA or any other site like that. I don't care. It's just the internet. The world around me is full of people who are as excited and happy as I am about the same things I like. I got that magazine today, the one that guy is going to get for his nephew.

Oh and A is getting it in the neck which is nice.

The internet is like trying to break America. And the European market at the same time. Never going to happen for me, but who cares?

Town was nice today. That baker guy randomly told me about his nephew. That magazine randomly appeared. We had a loud conversation about A and nobody seemed to mind it haha. That girl smiled at me.

That old woman was really rude in a dog whistle kind of a way. When I was a kid I was taught to and about. Don't talk to unknown adults or about unknown adults when you're a kid. Not have your grandma try and dissect them while you get more and more confused. I feel sorry for her granddaughter.

My pictures today. The first one:
1 nice dress
2 need to focus more on shape
3 need to focus more on colour
4 I'm still in love with that black paper
5 need to focus less on 'this is a lip, this is a nose' etc

The second one:
1 I love the background
2 I managed to not get bored colouring long lines of blue sky - take it from the elbow/shoulder not from the wrist
3 The mother duck was good
4 The baby ducks were creepy, baby ducks don't have black lines around their eyes irl. Next time use a reference photo
5 Next time use more precision in certain parts of colouring so that the water doesn't 'spill' onto the ducklings
6 It's amazing it was in pastel though, I'm becoming as good with pastels as I used to be with pens.

Tonight:
1 do crossword
2 read til 11. This kind of book is tricky to predict how many pages that is. Don't pressure self to read too much.
3 work on art. Again I feel like this art will take a long time. Be a pedant/perfectionist rather than rushing. You're (I'm) autistic, use that to your (my) advantage.

Should I post a thread on WP about whether my stepdad should seek diagnosis? It's his personal issue. But he feels sure he's autistic and it's easier for us to understand him when we go assuming an autistic person rather than an NT person. But really, we're just interacting with him.

I'm losing interest in everything again.

*Passes Funeralxampire an imaginary trainset.

Speed knitting. And being hungry.

... My stomach was just being more annoying the whole night. I wasn't too hungry or too full, didn't ate or drank anything that might be acidic. It just suddenly happens at some point or another right after lying down long enough.


No surprises there. A lot more is always going on with this body whenever I'm asleep than when I'm awake. And I don't mean anything good at all.

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