Post something that made you UNHAPPY today.

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Anxiety

Laundry

A few years ago all the women in the office planned, in my presence, an outing celebrating international women's day. And didn't invite me. Ever wish you'd quit a job in a particular way at a particular time in response to a particular thing? This is my thing. I wish I had put my credit cards and keys in an envelope labeled "shun this" and left it on the office manager's desk and said goodbye to that company a couple years before I finally did so. I would have avoided the s**t show that was 2020.

Thought of that this morning when I saw women's day coming up. As I did last year, I'll commemorate the occasion with a women's day meme and sad-face response to my own post. And nobody will wonder why.

I didn't sleep well because of restless legs last night, and anxiety, and my anger and frustration at the entire planet,and then when I did fall asleep I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep for a long time.

My body hates me. It loves to torture me the second I lay down to sleep for the night. It's as if it's thinking what it can do to make me suffer through the night. Restless legs syndrome? Stomach pain? Anxiety-induced breathing problems? Memory of cringy thing I said or did decades ago?

Anxiety

People chatting nonstop at work preventing me from concentrating. After i lose my concentration i feel dissociated and zoned out and cant do Any work. People probably think i am lazy though.

House work

It is really cold outside

We had to leave our seven-month kitten alone for about four hours in her cone, one week post-spay.

It's supposedly allowed because people go to work, but this was really the first time she's been out of our sight since we got her in September, and certainly post-surgery.

When we came home she had stuck her front leg through the neck-hole of her cone, likely trying to get it off, and she couldn't get her leg out. She was hobbling on three legs and crying.

I don't know how long she was like that. I doubt it was the whole time but it was still very awful to see.

It pains me that someone I know who is doing creative things and looking for validation and exposure on social media is getting so little attention from people they value. I do what I can, but my comments aren't what they're hoping for. They probably sent these things privately to their friends, and are maybe getting accolades through DM, but the facebook algorithm really wants interaction. Ironic that I, without friends, know this.

I was still alive today

For breakfast, gorging out of control. Stress, anxiety, depression, autism. Carbohydrates. Comfort food. Ten servings of bread, three servings of broccoli. Ate the caramel and nougat off two Snickers bars

Everything else is to be expected. Zero precious lil "friends" emailed me today but that is per usual. Paws cold and numb. Exhausted. Nothing accomplished. Nothing happened, but that could be a good or bad thing.

Graceful degradation

For a long time I have felt like my "life" was over. Since 21 academic dismissal.



However no matter how many job skills I get someone with a better personality will always get the job.

So really my "life" was over before it began

Zero hobbies, "friends" or goals

Just trying not to get made redundant from work


ASM Don acted like I lost the barbeque lock, but ASM wanzo didn't give it to me

Constantly one "miscommunication" away from getting made redundant

Feel like I have to video tape everything

But "at will" employer

Nothing I do is good enough so might as well stop trying

Zero "friends" at work or outside work

Feel disconnected and misunderstood

It didn't make sense to me at the time, but I didn't think about it much. But the simplest and most consistent explanation just hit me...

I wasn't in the loop until I butted in where I probably wasn't welcome. So, I visited. You say she wasn't a welcome visitor, and I have no reason to believe she was in the loop, either, so...she butted in, too? Seems unlikely. How would she have found out? I found out only because I knew who to ask. But you told me she was coming, so I left, and I didn't see her waiting or coming. Didn't make sense. It'd have been pretty mean for her to say she was coming and then not show up.

You told me she was coming only to make sure I'd leave, didn't you? LOL.

Been having very bad meltdowns, almost ruined my engagement last night and non of my family or support team is speaking to me. My doctor doesn’t see any autism in me, I see a ton of it on me, I just mask it and keep it to myself. If someone gets overloaded with sensory stuff, lacks social skills sits alone away from the crowd in public, having only 1 interest and obsession and have trouble staying under control in public and being socially awkward as well as rocking their body side to side. My doctor all of a sudden says he doesn’t see it in me when I’m actually going from level 1 to level 2? Bull crap…

Anxiety

Well, that was terse. Not going to use the contact as an opportunity to have a conversation? I even gave you a topic! Just...excluded. You didn't share then, you're not going to share now. With me.

Message received. Loud and clear.