What's on your mind right now?

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A need to return home to continue preparing myself for an exam that will happen this Wednesday.

Why would someone who hated me, start texting me weird stuff 10 years later? The posts are short and snarky and I do not reply but they keep coming, one every couple of days. I thought of blocking the number, but this person is, by the barest of threads, connected to the child I raised. I hope against all hope of hearing from her again, although I also can't see any good coming out of it.

People on this site are so kind. You are all such a blessing!

Hmmm...

Aching body, aching head.
A bit sick, but I won't miss today's job.

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Unsure at the moment.

Other than it's going to be a painfully bored day.



Also sort of in a mood for ice cream. But not now...

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Tired - stayed up too late last night and am adjusting to new sleep meds.

Wondering at what point I should give up on hearing anything back from this program I'm trying to apply to - it's been a month now. If they don't accept me, what then? Just living with my parents forever? I don't really want that, but I don't know what other choice I have.

I hate that I'm so fragile. I really would like to have a job I could support myself on, but when I had even just a part-time job, the stress and stuff led to depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts that put me in the hospital four times in one year. That's not normal. It makes me feel weak and pathetic that I can't even handle a part-time job without such consequences.

I hate my dependency in general. I'm so tired of feeling like a burden on others, I really wish I was able to take care of myself and live on my own so I wouldn't be a burden on anyone but myself. I hate that I'm stuck at this point where I'm not disabled enough to qualify for most forms of assistance but am too disabled to make do without it (hence my dependence on my parents) - I wish I were just a bit further one way or the other so I could either get what I need or make do without it.

You know what? I'm going to go ahead and say it. I hate my autism and everything that comes with it. It doesn't provide me any benefits that I can see, it just puts up so many barriers for me. If I were NT, I could probably have a job I could support myself on, and I would definitely be able to take care of myself. I would actually eat when I need to, and wouldn't have trouble identifying when I need to go to the bathroom until it's such an emergency that I sometimes don't make it in time. I would be able to talk to people even if they didn't talk to me first, and I would never have to worry about whether or not I'd be able to speak at all. I would be able to do things like eat in a restaurant or go grocery shopping without worrying about the likelihood of shutting down even when I have my service dog with me (he helps with that, but it still sometimes happens). I wouldn't have had ECT that destroyed my memory, which now makes it even harder for me to learn the things I need to know how to do in order to live on my own. I could manage having real friendships. I'd be able to go to concerts and enjoy them. Essentially, I'd be able to live something resembling a normal life. But no, all that's taken from me because of this curse called autism. I want it gone.

Jock itch, yeast infection, psoriasis, eczema, scabies

Just started itching last year

Dr Butler told me it could be stress but it's not at stressful times

Trembling out of control

My "life" is just wasting resources

Time cash energy

Not productive

36 and nothing to show for it s**t

Today is veterans day and nobody to hang out with

Friend used to hang out with me twice a week. Now once every couple of weeks. She goes out with her sister after class but she can hang out with her sister any time s**t

Jealous

No hope

D&D, Being dependent is hard, even if we get along with our carers. Have you tried calling the program to see where in the process your application is?