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Why are NTs only allowed to be interested in a few things? Boring

The blight was across Europe, the famine was local. Arguably man made

Maybe. I love Islamabad (nickname Isloo) where I was born n where my moms side is...
but not the other cities of Pakistan.

I couldn't care less if trees are cut down in the other areas. .

But when I last went to Isloo, evil Zardari's government had rescinded the long-honoured law of Islamabad .... Law was not tp cut down trees except for certain residential areas. Majority of forests n trees were to remain undisturbed

...

Zardari's govt took away that law n increased unnecessary construction of buildings...

which made Isloo look almost as ugly as any major city...

and I felt like having war with them.

As they removed the major feature of Isloo. Which was beauty.

Imran Khan after being elected restored much of greenery with his 'million trees tsunami' campaign...
Program to have many forests restored n trees planted.


So maybe the damage done to Isloo is slowly going away. .thanks to Imran khan

However the trees were ginormous n beautiful...

The ones planted now will take several human lifetimes to reach the former beauty Isloo had....

"play the hand you were dealt"

Seems like everything I try to do is like, and "You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear"

Unavoidable

Ross. Bathroom. (1st time)

The job interviewer asked if I had experience and then told me, experience required. "Desired", the job description said. Ass hole. (dictionary, Jeanne Courtney)


The penis was bothering me when I was in the bathroom and when I was sleeping

Everyone is a burden to someone but the penis is royally f****d up

Not worth the energy it takes to deal with it

Reactive attachment disorder

Eating too much as usual s**t

Once I saw the penis on the couch, immediately itchy

Cold f**k

f**k mister redelings

Trading water and going nowhere in "life"


Caregiver burnout has the same symptoms as, depression

They are not mutually exclusive



Slouching

Nothing accomplished

Itchy as f**k

First of all what I value above all is if someone is nice or not. But society doesn't care about that. So this is me talking on a shallow level.

I didn't go to uni for 5 years to be told that most people who never went to uni are my intellectual peers. They're not. They were never taught how to think critically or given access to enough information about the world.

Some people are an exception to this but not the majority. Those who are an exception are self taught and usually aspie.

Starting my new temporary job tomorrow. Hopefully it won't be too bad, although I found out I have two clinical trial visits tomorrow that I'm supposed to run and absolutely no idea what's going on and no copy of the protocol, absolutely nothing. Sigh. Just like old times.

Is the temporary job related to the clinical trials? I've only had grunt labour tempt jobs.

It sure is!

I don't think it's healthy for me to spend this much time around NT guys and being stealth. All they do is insult each other. I'm not good at quickly insulting people. I don't see how this is a healthy thing. I know it's part of masculinity but surely not all guys act like this. Then if the game is on they don't talk about it. And I don't get any of their references.

I'm not feeling dysphoric as a trans masc person but I don't fit in with either NT women or NT men so I'm particularly aspie in my way of thinking probably.

i'm vaguely aware that one of my three sisters is angry with me. i have a couple of guesses regarding her reason, not least of which is jealousy on her part. she's apparently not talking to me. she's intermittently physically and verbally abused me all of our share 60+ years. i recently stood up to her not even in a mean way. this silent treatment abuse is sort of a relief, actually. i'm just sort of wondering if she'll show up to my family xmas gathering. i intend to be polite and to not discuss anything contentious if she does.

I've recently had two recurring themes in my dreams. One, being naked. That indicates vulnerability or being exposed. Another is having something in my mouth that I need to get out. I'm interpreting that as there being something I need to say, to get out. So I'm guessing my subconscience is telling me that I need to tell someone something very personal - but who, and what? I have no idea.

midlife crisis, 36
accomplished nothing
not going to accomplish jack s**t
failure
social and vocational rejection
look on the bright side
wry, cynical, awry
farce,
telomere
looking forward, not backward
$$$
fear, hatred, anger, uptight, tense, trembling

caregiving, death, guilt, shame
feel like a f*****g burden for not having a stupidass job s**t

slippery slope
e-mail apology, court mandated financial reparations
"you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear"
maze
heart attack
depressed as f**k

no "hope". false hope
no motivation, goal, friend, hobby
just one friend. she used to hang out with me twice a week. now once every four weeks. neglected.
"beggars can't be choosers"

vulnerable fragile
brain damage

neuroplasticity
going nowhere

silver lining
emotional turmoil


The psychologist at the Neuropsychological Evaluation told me that, the primary care physician told her that she was concerned that i could live alone safely. (quotes). what the flying f**k? the neuropsychological evaluation left two phone messages, one week apart, when my phone was not working. then my phone started working. went to neuropsychological evaluation. it took under three hours total.

just questions like Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. true or false: "last year i flew over the atlantic ocean thirty times.".

the psychologist told me that the neuropsychological evalutation has the authority to diagnose the entire Diagnostic Statistical Manual. however no field study . insufficient testing and s**t.

that b***h has too much authority s**t.


Trail Making Task

she read a list of words and told me to recite them. ex: "cabinet violin saxophone".

she asked questions like "why should you not leave a young child home alone?".

she told me that she thought i could live alone, and that i could hold a job too. if it was the correct job.

but i am kind of paranoid those ass holes will try and succeed to send me to a group home.

telepathic

precognitive

but i am not a lawyer and i don't have enough $$$ to hire one s**t.

i don't know what she's going to do, and i don't know if it's legal, but i do know that she will be successful.

the follow up neuropsychological evaluation was last friday. she told me that, your scores on the working memory was lower than expected for someone your education. what the flying f**k? education and memory have no correlation, i think. but maybe she had the statistics, so i didn't feel like i could argue.

she told me that she is going to contact the Health Educator and the primary care physician and meet me again about four weeks later. the Portal does not contain the appointment yet s**t.

case worker

s**t the worst thing that could happen is subject to imagination

the best case that could happen, is whooptie do

f*****g exhausted

outnumbered outsmarted overpowered as usual

dig a hole and jump in it

a ditch

nobody gives a rat's ass about me

and i have nothing to offer the solar system positively

the solar system has nothing to offer me positively s**t

depressed as f**k

nothing to do all day long

have to sit around caregiving

"helping".

phone not working as of wednesday

typing this from library

2 hour time limit

wanna f*****g commit suicide s**t





exhausted all the options

repressed sad upset mad pissed off angry hateful scared afraid contracting disturbed





can't do jack s**t productive

F***ing f***.

Not going to waste brain power on certain NTs.

I don't get why they like being thick but they do.

Instead I need to mix with my intellectual peers more often, NT, aspie or otherwise.

Make the rest just a form of "intellectual slumming".

I don't understand how I got so damned crazy last year. I was really was out of it. I acted awful. I was a completely different person.

I feel like I'm mazily wandering the Earth. I value solitude but sometimes I find the nights alone very long. Even when I was married I felt like this. Perhaps I always will. I will eventually reach a peaceful acceptance but I haven't yet.

Oh good, I'm not the only one who's always alone no matter who's around.