What's on your mind right now?
I hope the skin on my head is kind to me as I shave the stubble on top for the first time tomorrow.
I braved going bald a few months ago, as I was fed up of my receding hair line. It looked daft.
_________________
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."
"And I've embraced the calamity, with a detachment and a passive disinterest."
"I hear voices...But I ignore them and just carry on killing."
I'm aware at the damn fact that I'm currently perceiving things like a triggered 10 year old brat, right at this moment.
Can I just say to this adult child sitting on my head's throne to just 'please go away and come back when you grow up', or heck 'just die and never come back'? At least it's mischievous twin is less of a brat and can cheer people up.
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dragonsanddemons
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Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
Gosh, I'm really awful at this whole "adulting" thing. Living with my parents, not even paying them rent or anything, no job, have only ever had jobs as a part-time janitor (2, 3 years or so ago, and no, I don't like cleaning, it's just the only thing I could get), no driver's license, no romantic relationship ever (not that I actually want one, but it seems to be one of the usual "life goals" or what's expected of most adults)... Is there even any difference between me now and me five years ago? Ten years ago? Okay, ten years ago I was in high school and now I've (barely, think I had a C average) graduated college. There, I've done something in the past ten years, at least. Past five years, I guess I've at least had the two jobs I was able to get (and didn't get fired from either - first one the company was sold and the new company took over, second one I had to leave due to repeated hospitalization). But by age 27, I would be expected to be living in my own apartment unassisted, driving myself around, in a long-term romantic relationship, and firmly embedded in a job I can support myself on, and here I am thinking I'll be lucky if I get even one of those by the time I'm 40. I just feel like I'm hopelessly behind and still practically a child in terms of the amount of help I need. If left to my own devices, I don't even feed myself properly, for goodness' sake. Even a ten-year-old can make themselves a sandwich or a frozen pizza for lunch without being prodded multiple times, but not me.
_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
Saudi govt does this too to a much lesser degree, in certain things. You dont say that about them because they are 'allies'
f****n media trying to reinforce illogical links
Also the same people in US NOW speaking out against them are the ones who funded and provided the arms! It's all a farce and part of the 'Great Game'
The people who armed Yemeni rebels .. It's not even hidden anymore they dont care who knows if anyone cares to look into it since most people dont.
are you from iran? one of my two best doctor friends is from iran.
Midlife crisis, 36, nothing accomplished vocationally or socially
s**t
Closure, loose ends
Cliche, clique, platitudes, metaphor, overgeneralization, situational, dispositional
Feel ignored and invisible. That could be a good thing
No goals, job, hobby, friend
Lazy, ambition, apathy,
PTSD, social anxiety disorder
Manipulative
Persuasive
Love, chocolate, remorse, reconciliation, hug, accept, indulge , cravings gone haywire, party, quiet, rest, sleep, recover, expensive, visionary, realistic, meaningless
Dry skin
Yeast infection, jock itch, rectal cancer, hemorrhoids surgery, anal fissure, Crohn's, ulcerative colitis
"Miscommunication"
Arrogance
If an interaction is good, it is just good thus far
No plans in ",life"
Eloquent, like poetry
Last resort military
Boy scouts
ROTC, boys state
you are certainly eloquent.
what did you study in college? did you enjoy certain courses? which ones?
it can be hard to eat when one is depressed, 8 or 80.
not fair to compare yourself to others who don't have your challenges. how about letting us know of one challenge you overcame?
I'm aware this post sounds insane. But these are just my terms...
Can I just say to this adult child sitting on my head's throne to just 'please go away and come back when you grow up', or heck 'just die and never come back'? At least it's mischievous twin is less of a brat and can cheer people up.
And now, it is currently occupied by a meek, indecisive, anxious wreck. As if everything is an accident waiting to happen, as if everything's her fault.
I'd say -- sod off! You ain't helping right now, and you're making me look like I'm playing dumb.
You're a bigger embarrassment than the brats before you. Go back when you earn enough self-respect of stop pitying yourself. Or just practice what you thought you deserve -- kill yourself.
Who or what else is going to sit on this mental throne of perception? Hmm? What version of myself shall take over next?
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2nd was some weakling
3rd was this try-hard.
Another crappy facet that does nothing but screw over my intentions...
Yes, you made mistakes. And yes, more mistakes are pulling up and that's a damn fact.
Get out before you do anymore damage than you and the others before you already had done. Just think -- think if you deserve any forgiveness -- or not.
Come back until you break your stupid habits and able to take responsibility for everything. Or never come back simply because you can't.
Which else is going to and had been dictating my state with?
Again -- I'm aware I sound insane. But how else am I going to call these shuffling inconsistent self out?
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After speaking with my counselor and hearing her sy the same things as my mom regarding my employer's behavior, i realized that yes, she was actually trying to hurt me with her words.
I guess some people really don't bother with niceties and act as they like when they're angry. I knew she was an immature person but not to this degree. She could have talked with me in person if she wasn't happy with my performance but saying it on the phone when i just called to thank her for working with me and say goodbye? I don't believe she said what she said to help me, she was only trying to hurt me. I hope she's happy with herself now that she took her "revenge" what an as*hole.
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
what did you study in college? did you enjoy certain courses? which ones?
it can be hard to eat when one is depressed, 8 or 80.
not fair to compare yourself to others who don't have your challenges. how about letting us know of one challenge you overcame?
My major was biology, I started out wanting to be a veterinarian, but I decided for several reasons that that was not the right choice for me. I stuck with the biology degree because I still wanted to do something with animals, but then I decided that I'd be fine with doing something else and having pets. That's just as well, because once I started looking for a job, I quickly realized that I'm in a position where I have to take what I can get. It took me six months to even get my first job and I only got it because they were so desperate for employees that my boss was asking me to cover extra shifts every week and asked me several times if I knew anyone else who wanted a part-time job.
I suppose I've really accomplished something by just staying alive until now, since my depression's gotten to the point where I've been suicidal multiple times. But the thing is, my depression's been a lot better since I had TMS. I don't know why I'm having trouble eating now - it really doesn't feel like it's a part of depression.
_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
The friend I have in my social group, I feel no connection. We don't really call each other or hang out. I actually just don't really care to call or hang out(it sounds terrible I know) with this person. It's nothing wrong with him, it's just that I don't feel anything for the friendship...
I wish I did but I just don't...actually many in my social group I don't feel a connection or anything. Sometimes I feel broken for not feeling connections with people...
On the bright side though, I got my new headphones and I LOVE THEM!! ! They block out the traffic noise enough for me to feel comfortable so now I can go out more and meet new and different types of people! I just wish I had a friend I could hang out with that I feel a connection and feel comfortable with. (Actually I do, but she lives too far away and the chances of us even meeting physically are kind of slim sadly... She's great too and I would jump at the chance to meet her in person.)
_________________
Autism is a disorder not a personality trait!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference."
Worried about $$
Trying to waste less $$ on groceries, but cheap s**t is often bad for health
Rubix cube
Balancing act
Tightrope
Impending sense of doom
Dread
Ate too much spam
Delicious, throat greasy and gross s**t
Worried about gaining weight as usual
"Life" going nowhere
Went to counseling and there were no counselors
That hardly ever happens
Martin Luther King weekend
Communication, went all the way over there
It's the concept
But they are volunteer so
Can't complain
Limiting reagent
Craving love
Stupidass "family" doesn't respect, accept, or understand me
Which would be fine except that they act like they do
You can't have it both ways
Ass holes
Bozo
Idiot
Saturday night and I am just a loner loser
No job, job skills, friends, hope, future, hobby
Lying in bed playing with the phone
Unfulfilled
The petri dish is much better without unwanted visitors, loud and crowded
Getting ordered around, woken up in the middle of the night, stench, hearing the penis fall in the bathroom, lil dipshits being true to themselves. Too much cheap s**t food temptation
Ass holes not even an apology
So calloused, like when can you come out of the bathroom?
Like i am a burden to it
Instead of vice versa
s**t midlife crisis
Will never accomplish jack s**t
Im alone in a hotel room cause I can't be social. I feel slightly abandoned, because my friend and I had plans to swim tonight. I can't go to sleep because she doesn't have a key. It annoys me that so much of my life is framed on how I inconvenience other people. I want to stop, but I'm afraid of being insensitive to others. I've been on the other side and it hurt a lot. I wish I could have found a win/win by now...
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,591
Location: the island of defective toy santas
The person who spoke most cruelly to her was her. She decided she would start speaking kindly to herself, replacing any negative words with positive ones. She would choose language that supported, nurtured, motivated and, as often as she could, make her smile. That’s how you treat someone you love. - Kathy Kinney
Dylanperr
Veteran
Joined: 1 Jan 2018
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,756
Location: Somewhere In A Boreal Forest
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