What's on your mind right now?

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I'm thinking about a pair of pieces of advice I often receive in regard to being better adjusted within social settings: "just be yourself" and something along the lines of "people don't connect with ABC, you should be more XYZ." They appear to be contradictory if being oneself entails ABC and not XYZ. It also seems that whenever I try to embrace one of those pieces of advice someone comes along and says to embrace the other. Self-oppression or loneliness, which is worse?

I misunderstood a lady who was agreeing with me and' flew off the handle'
Apologized a lot when she explained ..
The other person also misunderstood that lady but was calm since it wasn't personal for her.

I feel miserable that I always misunderstand

I hate people who play mind games and hurt you so badly and false accusations et
..from then on your first reaction is to assume the worst of other ppl when they are actually on your side
I am proud i got through it and she was gracious too...

I feel angry sad and proud at the same time overall in life

Trying to remain optimistic and keep thinking about things that make me happy.

I could probably make more money trapping.

Making lists and laying out schedules

XH's kindness after my hand injured and was bleeding, from the G tube machine collapsing (not TOO kind, he just let me drop off kids 1.5 hours early, it's not like he came to pick them up)....

Kindness of this country (Canada). = that should automatically lead to loyalty to it and extreme loyalty at that. Which I think should be shown by me in volunteerism as I can't afford to give more charity really.

Also the fact that soldiers are like parents, only in the sense that most of the stuff they do isn't known, to the people they do it FOR, and isn't acknowledged but is expected (i.e. taken for granted).

It is also often negated by other people (e.g. the ones in command of them, or rebel groups etc) just like parents can only do so much and it can be negated by teachers, environment, mistakes, etc.


Soldiers of Pakistan and Canada are like that anyway. In India soldiers have no issue torturing and raping Kashmiris and Gujuratis etc. Actually isn't that what happened by Pak in Bangladesh??? So yeah. I guess that should be qualified.

Well, there are abusive and bad parents too.
But overall the job demands extreme sacrifice I guess is what I mean, that isn't known in depth only in theory, to anyone who isn't one.

Beet Cake lolll

Sometimes I worry something bad will happen to me when I am living alone (that otherwise would not have happened)

Burglars, natural catastrophe, medical, PGE cut off, whatever

But if I tell Dr berry she might try and succeed at sending me to a group home

On the other hand, according to my medical records, just Asperger's, depression, personality disorders

Plenty of applicants with worse diagnosis than me, get rejected from government benefits

So if government benefits rejects me, nobody could send my ugly fat stupid head to a group home s**t

Right groin sore, splits, half pigeon

Exhausted, middle aged crisis, accomplished nothing

Wasting $$, time and energy

Vagina itchy

Psoriasis eczema scabies

Contact dermatitis

"Life" going nowhere as usual s**t

Ghetto ass thugs have the same job skills as me

Workaholic

Hopeless

Friend went to a aikido seminar today so she was not in class

Addicted, waste $$$

Not slated to see friends until next week

Itching aikido

She didn't hang out with me today

Loner loser

Ate too much as usual s**t

Not hungry or full just numb


Luxury, success, love, stability, meaning, acceptance, friends, $$, security, safe, protective, indulgent, buffet, belonging, diversion


Goals job hobby

Friend



After caregiving , got sick

Could use my own slave

Home Health Aide .



Cleaning, cooking, driving, counseling, Dr, bodyguard, lawyer , friend ..


Falling through the cracks could be a good thing



Today in aikido, Rolando penis did not wear a hakama

Some new boy came, looked about 18 , in good shape

"Atta boy" Rolando penis told him



Mma fight shorts ass hole should not have been allowed inside the building

"Discrimination"

Essential job function

Throat feels greasy from spam

Heart attack

Desperate

"All of my days"

Solsbury hill. hahahaha.

spectral source subtraction in service of stereoization.

Some 1970s Midwestern rock music specifically Bob Seger.

A neighbor of mine, no idea which one, is cooking something that smells really delicious... I'd like to eat something delicious too, but I ate a rather heavy meal yesterday so I have to balance things out. Nothing too greasy for me untill Thursday, preferably not even then if I can come up with something healthier.

If there are three sides; the 'saint' the 'monster' and the 'weakling'...

So far I truly acknowledge the saint who has the patience and love, and the monster with all it's desires and hunger -- but not the weakling. Almost never the weakling. I hate the weakling. I deny the weakling.

I want the ever vulnerable and helpless weakling gone.
It's always had been since when I was young -- I've first acknowledged the monster -- usually, people acknowledge the saint first if not the only one, but not me apparently.

I've only recently tried to get to know the saint and eventually understood it, but the weakling had been left behind as it usually is.

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