What's on your mind right now?

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Should my mom die an untimely death, the first thing I'd do is walk away. She's the sole reason why I haven't ran away. Why I haven't broken too many rules, why I kept holding myself back.

I wouldn't want to be in a way of anyone's "normal life", let alone even a part of it. I had already wished my whole life to be away from anyone's life.
I wouldn't care if I go homeless and hungry -- it may not matter if I live then.
As long as I'm alone, away from the suffocating concern of anyone. I had already wished my whole life that I don't want anyone to know.


Why throw away the gift of family? Why not being grateful? Why not stick with other's life to live?
That's just not who I'm.
Or at least life never seem to convince me -- even I couldn't convince myself, because that's not who I'm. I don't know where it truly came from, but that's all I know for most of my life; I don't want anyone to know.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

XH has one hour to come and be a good dad. To his AUTISTIC children who have already had to deal with pandemic-induced changes to their routine. Now it will have been 2 weeks he has refused to take kids whilst being perfectly able and healthy.

I will not be disappointed because we can make our own fun. Whenever the kids start missing him we have my brother to video chat with.

How much I want to go to sleep, but can't. Someone in the vicinity of my house is doing karaoke (I think it's in their garden or street ). It sounds like they're giving me a concert in my room.

+since lockdown noise is inescapable.

Is it normal for hyperlexic people to find bad spelling really annoying?
Feel like I spent most of my childhood having to go over the same stuff over and over cos some kid in the class didn't get it.

I just secured and registered for a test date to take the MCAT... in September. Which is WAY earlier than I was planning and I don't know why I did it, other than to force myself to actually finally do it.

f**k

How do you know if your vocal cords are damaged

How do you know if your brain is damaged

Not in my backyard

Hip opener

Living in the wild

Staying home sounds better and better, since lockdown

Used to miss counseling but now it's like whatever. Counseling is great but sometimes they act too dramatic or judgmental. It just takes too much energy to sit around talking.

communication euphemism for noise pollution s**t

Loyalty and friends euphemism for bias in your favor. Zero action required

Lil dipshits

Vitamin deficiency

Brain food

Electroconvulsive Therapy

Treatment Refractory Depression

MRI

Limiting reagent

Trucker, bathroom,

Coronovirus

The Great Depression coming up

Homeless

Financially fragile

Survival of the fittest

Nature versus nurture

Sysyphus

Food bank

Dewey decimal system

Think outside the box

Brain chemical imbalance

Forty acres and a mule

Protein, beans, ulcerative colitis

Dementia

Since quarantine hasn’t really changed much for me, it feels really weird for the other people just starting to come out (I’ve had lots of doctor visits and stuff throughout, so I haven’t even been as shut-in as most people who haven’t still had to go to work. Trust my body to start developing a serious health issue just before the start of a pandemic ) to be talking and acting as if some sort of apocalypse has just occurred.