What's on your mind right now?

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I'm never sure if I'm making the right choices with my school courses but I am definitely trying to do what I think is going to be the best for me. I just maybe like working from home a little too much also but with everything going on in the world, I probably made the right decision all things considered.

i feel nauseous as I am worried about XH and I feel certain he will opt for the wrong (morally/logically) choice and the thought is bringing me so much sadness and worry.

Nothinh is ever certain so i mever feel settled. And already i am upset by changes to plans.

N i dont want to adhere to this ultimatum but the lawyer n my family are emphasizing it. Andi know it is best long term but how long??

And i feel horrible
Also my sister is mean about it she thinks its better short term sadness fr kids than long term issues with XH .. Everyone agrees and i do too logically but it was awful n now it has to be done again..

As he wont do the right thing..

n he has plenty of options.. To see them..
but will always opt fr the one that causes kids distress (not seeing them) as he uses their sadness as a weapon against me.

He actually came.....

_________________
Blint.

I actually want to be at the pub tonight and then go home about nowish on the bus half cut...

Rare I feel like that though so I'm fine w it.

A decision.
And a wish.

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I am not "she" (or "he," for that matter). I need to learn to stop thinking of myself as "she." Stop thinking that any statements made about women apply to me (unless it concerns physical health or something). I'm not really happy about it, it seems kind of awkward, but I am "they." Just starting getting accustomed to that, and I'm not off to a very good start.

When I said before that I'd only "just started thinking that I want to separate myself from the idea of being female" (or whatever my exact words were, they were something along those lines), I didn't mean that I'd always thought of myself as strictly female and this is a huge shock to me. I've been thinking for years that I don't really feel much attachment to being "female," and that perhaps I am gender-neutral/agender. I just didn't really care, acknowledged that physically I'm female, what difference does it make if I'm not in other ways, so I just kept going as "female." Now I'm actively trying to separate myself from that, and somehow it's even harder than separating myself from the idea of being human.

((Hugs dragons))

I can relate. I'm just a mind. I've known since I was three years old that I'm "floating consciousness" and my body is just some weird appendage I have to lug about, like a suitcase. I don't relate to it in any way, either.

philantropists' philantropist advisers, do they need to be "gates"
and why does senior have no parents? the lack thereof is blatently consequent

all medicall shills got called by vocation, some even un-retired
watch your electronical "protectors" of "ressources" of "empowerment"

the only trade that needs certification is the body (part) market
or "traceability" labelling
charon of gates, tricster of trades, moloch too
the interesting pic of senior in a boy camp
and a misty wife?? what happened ??


back to the (alledgedly) unconnected
Frederick Taylor Gates
marriage, marriage
another ship, Schiff, passes by
in banking affairs ofcourse


on the same shores of finance
(intermarriage among the German-Jewish elite was common)
the Gores, the Schiffs. the Gates, the Marxs, ao

back to topic, FT Gates, philantropic investor
Gates planned to take over the Peking Union Medical College and retrain missionaries there.Working at the intersection of philanthropy, imperialism, big business, religion, and science, the China Medical Board was his last major project.

its complicated, to say the least; baptists, boards of education, university of chicago

the strange urgency of old-ish people for a sudden "world-government" by AI (19)

gonna get tatted up once this covid crap blows over.

a special personal symbol on my arm, and on my back:


הייתי צוללת עכשיו למים

Gosh, I feel so guilty for being out of work now with every thing I do because of COVID-19 and my dad makes me feel guilty for buying a $10 lunch at Wendy's. It hurt for him to criticize like that but I am awful at finding jobs and of course not a lot of paces are hiring.

To solve something that is... Overregulated.
One thing at the time.

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My auntie isn't abusive or anything but she isn't as maternal as mum and she didn't realise how serious it is when dyspraxic kids fall over. When I was 9, I was trying to roller skate and fell over and hurt myself. She was sympathetic but not as much as mum would have been. I told mum and said I was jealous of my cousins for having her as an auntie cos she'd been pampering them all day and she said "well, they only have me as an auntie, you're lucky because you have me as a mum"

Idk if mum should've said that...

Dad needs to stop worrying me, it's selfish.

He said he was on the beach w his friend and someone walked through the 2 metre gap they left.

Maybe if I tell job interviewers that I was in jail (during the work history gaps), they will make the mistake of hiring my worthless corpse.

But they could background check. And they might ask follow up questions. And no probation officer or anything.

An extroverted convicted felon has an easier time finding a job than me. Almost all the jobs that I applied for require "outgoing" and "communication". Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. So I can't even get to the interview process. Not all jobs that I applied for have background check. But when they do, not until at least the job interview.

Jail would be much worse for me than other inmates. Because autistic and trans. Homophobia, social anxiety disorder, depression. Loud noise, dangerous, bad food, ulcerative colitis. Nightmare

Homeless would be much worse for me than for most. Eczema flare ups. Bad at sleeping. Socially awkward. Exhausted all the time. Emotionally fragile.

Vulnerable

Idiots won't be bothered to answer the email.

My stupidass "friend" told me she only checks the email every couple of days. But she is on the phone a lot. Addicted. And lockdown. No job, spouse, children, school. That b***h keeps saying "huh" and "what" like it's the etiquette equivalent of"excuse me". That b***h keeps coming late. That b***h keeps asking "why?". That b***h acts like she is a sports announcer and I am a football game. That b***h knows which ass hole in aikido gets government benefits for bipolar. So I get paranoid who she's talking to about me s**t. That b***h can't have a single thought or emotion without a public service announcement. That b***h took Rolando penis's side about the breathing exercise. That b***h comes to aikido sick. That b***h smells like coffee. That b***h has huge mood swings and she is proud of it. That b***h likes Kayla feder b***h. Kayla b***h talks too much and too loud and enthusiastically. Big ego Psychobabble extroverts. Kayla b***h had the nerve to bark at me for leaving class early. How hard is it to imagine, bus? s**t I didn't invent the bus.

Government benefits

Misanthropic

Goals job hobby friend

Nothing

Competing with dipshit extroverts is like playing whack a mole


s**t since the quarantine almost nobody bothered me. That is great.

s**t even though the lockdown is a grotesque overreaction, I wish it would continue until I drop dead s**t.

Ghosttowns

Quiet streets

"Life" has been over a longfuck time ago

Been craving change for a long time but too lazy and intimidated and apathetic

But lockdown is a good change. Thus far. For me.


Hopefully tomorrow I will get coronovirus. Contagious terminal disease

And then I could "share" it with other slobbering idiots

"Life" is a farce

Facade

Outnumbered outsmarted outnumbered

Too far gone


limiting reagent