What's on your mind right now?

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I shall tell you a part of my past internet social life; and maybe the rest who would read are welcome to see it.

As a teen, I've been in this all-sympathethic role.
You see, this role is driven by anxiety, and most rapports are based on sympathy.
And this anxiety drives one to poke everyone around with concern -- and in turn, it attracts those who are in need.

With it, it'll give quite a sum of social encounters, some are deeper.
But the role based on sympathy can go in various ways, which I had explored myself.

To help others, to at least uplift them. So being welcoming, nonjudgmental, approachable...
It brings out the best to understand another, it exercises empathy.
But this also mean becoming cautious, conscientious to avoid conflict, to avoid upsetting yourself and others.

One would mean to mature, to be this mediator, to be outside the confrontations I saw -- in turn, parts who are confronting would sought me out.

Another would mean to remain and feel helpless. It may have this perception of being too intrusive or nosy -- I've been there.
With this assumption, I couldn't help but feel that every noise I make would mean to annoy anyone or to shoo away the supposed important business of anyone else. In turn, devaluing one's concern, making you concerns, the impulse and sympathy feel like a burden to self and others.
That every contribution isn't, it's just noise. Being conscious, I'd stop getting in their way.


Then there leads another path -- where it goes to a completely different direction -- where sympathy made me feel foolish.

As if, it made me weak, that I had to get over it or else I would be exploited, or worse become a dormant and make others be overly dependent on me.
This is where I start to feel that I've been betraying a part of me that wants to be aggressive and prideful.
It is where... Attachment becomes childish, or that helping is kill stealing that others had to stand up for themselves in order to grow.



From my point of view, I've been there it can pass.
But if I were to engage the act of compassion, I wouldn't do so out of impulse -- I want it to be a choice. A conscious choice.

And I won't speak for anyone else who do.

i lurked for 6 years before joining.

Interesting. How do you embrace your autism and what do you do to embrace it?

I wonder if the news about 5 tornadoes somewhere at some lake is true...

people up north acting like blinkin' idiots right now.

The Catch 22

.. As I sorted my pictures, I'm pretty sure I have an album full of inane stuff.

I have a sudden urge to watch Master Chef Australia.

I have suddenly discovered Lionel Shriver. Great with words and with ideas. I am thrilled to have a new author to ravish with reading.

listening to "pomp and circumstance no. 1" makes me emotional. not because of graduation from anything but because of the grandeur of the song is an aural version for me, of something like the most beautiful sunrise/sunset or grand canyon, just pure awe.

I’m going to listen to it with new ears now.

I get that feeling from Bach's Air on the G String.

Hmmmm… that's probably a rather unique association. To me "Pomp and Circumstance" is just...pompous. Lol! Sorry. I just get images of the Royal Family playing croquet in front of a manor house, or like that.


I get the kind of imagery you describe when I hear Aaron Copland's "Fanfare for the Common Man". Your mind's eye looking through a camera while it slowly pans around the ruins of the Roman Coliseum, or a vista of the Grand Canyon. Something grand and majestic.

Also "the 2001 theme" is really a movement in Strauss's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra". And the movement is actually entitled "Daybreak" (a depiction of a sunrise).

I'm so hungry right now and wish I could figure out what I want to eat.

The notion that society wouldn't call something disordered just because it's unusual or disrupts the system really ignores lgbt history...