Ugh, my poor little brain feels like it’s about done for, at least as far as thinking is concerned. And it isn’t sure that that hasn’t become its base state now. Really having trouble coming up with words I know and know well, on a semi-crossword app I play, where I know the answer right away, I just can’t actually think of it. Or can’t spell it (and when I was in fifth grade, I was in the school spelling bee and only got knocked out because the judge didn’t hear me correctly, so, yeah, quite a change).
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"