What's on your mind right now?

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I've been out of sorts for a week now.
Not the erratic kind, but the negligent kind.

Why?

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I'm uncomfortable with my feelings about stupid people.

On the one hand, it's nobody's actual fault. So it's wrong to dislike them.

On the other hand, I never signed up to be a teacher...

If someone doesn't know something everyone learns at school, they should really say why like if it's a learning difficulty. If someone doesn't know something we learnt at sixth form, they should really say 'I'm more of a science person'. If someone doesn't know something we learnt at uni, they should really say 'this isn't my field of expertise'.

Or at least don't talk about stuff they don't understand.

Makes me feel like a secondary school teacher at work when I have to correct someone who's saying stupid stuff.

I've started unfollowing them on twitter if they don't listen.

But I feel guilty about it cos it's really nobody's fault if their life took a different path or if they have learning difficulties.

Just y'know. If I'm talking to a scientist about science, I will say something like 'now correct me if I'm wrong, I don't know much about it but I always thought...' before I make a tricky point - just in case I make a fool of myself.

Ways not to make my mom even more mad than she is already.

I'm gonna take a break from using twitter at night and take a break from using PPR on here. I'm not gonna talk about politics online for a bit and if I see a tweet start talking about it, I'll try to do the NT thing (which I find hard) and skip reading that tweet.

Cos I'm stressing way more than I have to.

My life is pretty much ok except I can't go anywhere cos of mum. Nobody in my family will die or even lose their jobs.

The list of foods I can't eat (due to allergic reactions and stomach issues) is growing quickly . So many of my favorite things can no longer be enjoyed. I'm becoming more stressed by the need to think of things to eat for the day.

Stupid body.

I think I accidentally made myself drunk, but I think I needed it after the week I had accepting that I need to just relax tonight and take it easy

^^ I can sympathise, I'm in the same boat.
These days I practically eat all meals out of the blender instead of solid food, it's easier.
Then I'll have a "what the hell, I'll eat whatever I want day" and deal with the consequences later.

^ My fears of needing a feeding tube one day are starting to diminish the longer the list gets. Not sure if that's a silver lining or just dark as hell.

Well I'm not giving up my roast chicken dinner tonight for anyone, including me.

^

I must keep reminding myself.

That if my head needs a real break, I have to tell myself that I do not need to speak within and without.
That I don't anticipate speech in any way.

My head... Keeps anticipating speech.
Even if I never need to speak or any acts of speech at all. Damnit.


Why does this have to be manual?!
And only to be forgotten later??! !

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I don't like calling old ppl NT or aspie except based on personalities if it's consistent or diagnosed (rare in HFA older people)...

So my granddad - who I don't know is NT or aspie but who is a quiet man who speaks his mind in the best possible way -

also has similar issues with food.

That's why his M&S order is so big. We order it for him cos they don't deliver to his home town then he pays us when we deliver it. He needs his food to come from there, not in a snobbish way but just cos it's reliable in flavour.

Food is a source of comfort when it's reliable and the same thing instead of something brand new.

Esp if you're autistic like me.

I'm less of a picky eater when I can control other things in life.

Last year, I was walking to cafes by myself and deliberately ordering new things off the menu to expand my appetite. Cos I could control all that. I could choose to go into the cafe and when to set off and not to worry overly much about crowds (not NT level of not worrying but not post-covid level either). In February, I was considering trying out Taco Bell despite not knowing much about the cousine and it being a new place to eat at.

This year I don't have choice so it's important/a matter of psychological comfort I keep the same food.

And apparently the same for my granddad.

My thoughts and I are lost in an impenetrable fog inside my head... I've lost my train of thought again.

I want this wallet;

So I can screw with people's heads in the market and mall.

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Muting words on twitter to avoid American election...

But Glasgow Derby coming up on Saturday

And two completely opposed ideologies (I guess they both claim to love freedom but that's it) are called 'Republican'...

American and Irish.