What's on your mind right now?

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It's cold, I'm cold.

im bored and im high...it must be the meds -_-'

I got absolutely no real help from my therapist today. I told him my depression is worse and that I want to die, and he just moved right along to distracting me by bringing up horror games. Which was fun, but not actually beneficial in any way except perhaps at that precise moment. Distraction only works temporarily, and he should know that very well, which means he knew he wasn’t helping me at all.

I hate to say it, but I think I might need to look into getting a new therapist. I like my current one, I’ve been seeing him for years, he knows me well, and he specializes in neurological disorders, but even after I’ve said something about it multiple times, it seems he just cannot stop treating our sessions like casual chit-chat. I’m not paying to catch up or to provide information about my various treatments for him to share with his other clients, I pay for therapy. I can understand a little catching up and ice-breaking at the beginning, but I’m lucky if we exchange two sentences about whatever issue(s) I’m dealing with during the entire hour-long session, even when I deliberately direct the conversation back that way.

I wonder if there's any subliminal messages for falling in love with January.

Thinking about getting a Stan subscription so I can re run watching re runs of house. YouTube is just boring now and all edited crap which makes things seem very very peculiar!

I just realized that I’ve probably been experiencing burnout since a major depressive episode involving multiple hospital stays and ECT, among other things, a couple years ago and am only just starting to finally recover. So in part, it was the ECT that did this to me, but not directly.

I also for some inexplicable reason have the urge recently to stop talking much/at all and switch to primarily/exclusively non-verbal communication. I honestly have no idea why, it just seems like it would feel good to not be expected to talk.

I guess I won't need those subliminal messages. I'm going to like the months that I like.

Anything productive I should get to completing before something else gets in the way of things.

People who are incapable of getting friends are pretty much the opposite of people who keep getting bothered by offers of friendship & turning it down.

Fact they can't see that is a matter of ego & longing to fit somewhere.

Not sure if it's the pain killers causing the lack of pressure headaches and lower back cramps.

Or maybe I finally found a combination of coffee that actually calms my head down, despite that my hands are a bit shaky...

Or actually both.
I was a mess for like over more than 12 hours earlier.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Time for another break from the dump again, otherwise I'm just going to end up falling out with some f*****g idiots who hate themselves & get in trouble.