What's on your mind right now?

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One of the people I interviewed with on Monday looked at my Linkedin profile today. Hope that is a good sign.

last eaters on narrow arching rundown dimensions ??
Bloody Mary ( ow i thought it was a drink, its a strange group-selfhypnosis phenomena?)(aha, in the drink-section; The name "Bloody Mary" is associated with a number of historical figures—particularly Queen Mary I of England, who was nicknamed "Bloody Mary" in Foxe's Book of Martyrs for attempting to re-establish the Catholic Church in England—and fictional women from folklore.[]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Read
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLhiJaqeFDo ohnoooooooooooooo

Would be errands.

Another rainy week.
No longer broke, but also no longer fancy a lot of stuff.

Sigh.
I was too entertained, you see?
... Or impatient.

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I'm planning to go for a walk in the snow after I'm finished eating breakfast.

City close to where I live in the Netherlands, Eindhoven, is being torn apart by anti-lockdown as well as some anti-islam protestors after a curfew went into effect the other day. Because how dare the government inconvenience poor oppressed me for the sake of something as stupid as public health? I'm more important than people!
Bloody pricks.

The past 3 weeks haven't been that fun for me. I've been pushing my tender German emotions that God gave me aside by getting high on coffee, it only takes 1 mug for me and listening to The British Invasion. I've been pushing my emotions aside for Barb because I know she likes January and I don't want to be a wet blanket. The dark roast from Tim Horton's really packs a high. I only order a small. I don't put milk or cream in my coffee. I like it to be the same colour as cola. I've been self-medicating on coffee in order to be more relatable to Barb. I only have one mug a day.

Starting to get anxiety because the foot I dropped a heavy piece of wood on a few weeks ago is still bruised and hurts. I can walk on it but there's weird spots right where the wood hit it and the structure under the skin there feels weird.

It's not brain mind like mum said.

Those words mean the same thing.

It's hardware/software.

The way the brain is structured sets it up so it doesn't like feeling sad. The stuff rushing through it is making it sad. That is creating anger.

Logic can be used to defeat the anger. The brain has logic stored up.

The brain doesn't have nurturing stored up as much as her brain does. But it needs to start doing some kind of fathering work towards itself.

And it needs to protect itself.

If and if I got no work nor any errands tomorrow, then I'd start stretching the limits of where I can still travel on foot.

The only issue I got is that my legs can get sore sooner and longer, since I've been slacking off.

And also dealing with equipments (ie. Face mask/shield) along with more annoyances (ie rhinitis and nearsightedness, the weather and current personal state).

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I have two more appointments on Zoom. I still get stressed ahead of time because of Scopophobia but I'm getting used to it, and I like both of the doctors.

It's hard for me to relax on the days when my daughter is sick. I wish I could help her. I feel sad that I can't. I can't even get her a sick prize (joke gift) like I used to, because of Covid. I used to get her little gag gifts if I had to collect medicine for her. Now her medicine is delivered.

I'll focus on being thankful for the good things, of which there are many.

The psyche of being with near constant late comers and plan breakers, gave me a huge, huge berth towards acts of questionable punctuality.

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I really need to quit fantasizing about living in my own apartment, it’s highly unlikely to ever happen and just rubs that in.

My parents and my therapist really want me to focus on trying to get to the point where I can have a job first, but that’s even less attainable, and ever having a job I will be able to support myself on is about as probable as the sun imploding in the next five seconds. I’m so dang tired of being overestimated and not being able to meet people’s expectations despite going into things with high hopes myself and really, truly putting my all into them (in other words, clearly not self-defeating or anything). The lesson I’ve been taught all my life continues to hold true - my best just isn’t good enough.

My school is starting to use a new meeting program for classes where we will have to use our webcams. I don't like being on webcam and that's just going to distract me.

When I fall into a depression, usually in the afternoons, I cannot remember how wonderful the morning was. I can remember that is what happens generally speaking. Mornings are good. Afternoons are quite bad. But I can't feel it. My poor brain tries to fix everything and there is nothing to fix. It just is.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, BlazingStar.

You deserve much better.

Do men or women have it easier? I guess that transgender people are screwed either way.