What's on your mind right now?

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My room looks naked without my tree.

What to watch later with my family.

Everything on TV is a repeat.

I find it really exasperating when someone without experience of mental illness or training in psychology pretends to be an expert.

It can be as severe as major physical illnesses.

They actually tend to be linked.

When I had mine it was linked cos my mind wouldn't admit it was ill, it redirected everything to the stomach.

That's not normal human experience or 'just part of life'. That's an actual illness.

I just started purging some old photo albums. I'm getting rid of more than half of the pictures, and rearranging my albums in a new way.

It's amazing how much of my life I don't remember at all. Even with the photos, I don't remember most of what I'm seeing. People, places, holidays. It's all a blank and feels third person. Most of these pictures are from the 80s and early 90s.

How should I enjoy moments of dampened energies and foggy mental states.

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Lazy listeners unwilling to understand anybody's accent but their own.

I had really big hair in my 20s.

techno.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

"Homework"

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Coping with last minute changes by the State in how agencies like my business are run and that may make it impossible to reorganize into a viable entity that can continue to help people and generate a reasonable income. How to cope with this and minimize the damage to others.

It has been 9 years since I hated myself.

I did do it.

But I moved on and that's good.

People forget how time works when they accuse me of it now.

I didn't even especially hate myself, I just thought the way of putting a round peg in a square hole was to add right angles and straight edges onto the circle.

Tea and sausages. I usually have lightly buttered toast and peanut butter for breakfast.

The dial of my pocket watch is nicely symmetrical and the stainless steel case is smooth and round. If I hold it in the palm of my hand it gradually warms up.

Every time I hear about anyone taking any kind of retribution for someone not cleaning up after their dog, I get even more afraid of being falsely accused and having the “retribution” taken on me. Every time my dog stops to sniff where someone else didn’t clean up, I get very nervous even if nobody is in sight (someone could be watching out a window or something). Today there was someone on the sidewalk behind us, not near but close enough to see and yell, and when I saw that someone else left something next to the sidewalk, I was terrified that they were going to yell at me even though my dog hadn’t even stopped there. In actuality, I’m the kind of person who, if my dog stops and I only realize then that I don’t have any bags, I go home, get a bag, then go back and clean up, but I’m also used to taking the blame for things whether they were actually my fault or not (and still feel just as bad as if it had been, because I know all their negative emotions are directed at me anyway).

So many of my personal relationships are ruined by having autism (not communicating things well enough, being monotone and accused of having an "attitude" all the time, not noticing obvious signs that people are upset with me or knowing how to handle people being upset with me, etc.) and it's so stressful. It's especially stressful when the people who have an issue with me don't even believe I have autism because of their preconceptions about it. Just because I can talk and I enjoy being around certain people doesn't mean I don't have autism.