Why is it rude to ask people their salary?

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It is one of those social rules put in place by NTs. There's no good answer.

It allows employers to pay short people, fat people, gay people, minorities, or pretty much anybody they don't like, less money than someone else for doing the exact same job. Women still make less than men for the same job when all other variables are accounted for.

NT rule? I am all for not telling people things about me!

The onus would be on them proving to me why they needed to know?

It's almost like asking somebody who speaks differently from what you're used to, if they're ret*d. I've had that happen to me a couple of times, and it really hurt me.

Then obviously the real problem here isn't about talking about salaries, it's about judging people. I certainly do NOT judge people based on what they do in life. I judge people based on their personalities and interests. Will I be able to talk for hours with this friend? Will I feel comfortable hanging out with this person? I don't even think about other things like sexuality, drug use, and anything else that might be against my beliefs. I find myself judging some people based on these personal preferences and find that I miss out on some friends. However, there are real world key indicators I've picked up on on making sure I don't hang out with the wrong crowd so I don't become vulnerable to such a thing, but it's not entirely accurate, and most of the time, it's because I picked something up on the person I talked to, luckily, that told me something bad was up with this person.

The only beliefs you should really take to heart are the kind that would seriously hurt you: People who manipulate, people who are extremely greedy, people who will use you to get what they want, these are the things I judge, not what they make!

Actually it has to do with this^ Its not so much a matter of whether or not to reveal your salary, but WHY would anyone need to know? The answer is, noone needs to know your salary except the government (so they can figure out how much to take away from you) and lenders. Everyone else except family and friends is a potential con-artist.

I suppose you are right. I find myself vulnerable too. I just wish people would stop judging others. I like to know the numbers because it helps me figure out a market place. But I feel that money shouldn't be a matter in anything, because it's possible to even live without money (though hard). Remember the 60s? They had it right, but I feel it wasn't implemented right because of how little we knew about scientific matters like hygiene and self-well being.

I suppose you are right. I find myself vulnerable too. I just wish people would stop judging others. I like to know the numbers because it helps me figure out a market place. But I feel that money shouldn't be a matter in anything, because it's possible to even live without money (though hard). Remember the 60s? They had it right, but I feel it wasn't implemented right because of how little we knew about scientific matters like hygiene and self-well being.

It's a stupid rule IMO, and from what I know, NTs take it far too seriously. My mum was sending an e-mail to someone (to try and get a job from them I think) that had her salary in it, and after I said I saw it she acted like I'd seen the password to the Ministry of Defense or something! She told me I couldn't tell anyone, not even anyone else in my family.

I personally don't see the big deal. When I start getting proper money (from my business or a job or whatever) I'd have no problem telling people what I'm making (especially if it's a lot ).

It's not even a massive secret! If you own even a small company, it's easy to look up the company's annual finances and see how much money it made, along with how much was paid out to you as a salary, since the accounts of limited companies are public documents.

On that note, actually, if I know someone's full name and what company they work for, I can look up how much money they make anyway for the same reason.

So, your salary is almost certainly not a secret, and I don't see why so many people act like it is.

Yeah.



There's an example. If someone feels their looks give them a place in the world, chances are they aren't going to be pleased, on some level, if you ask them how much they weigh, given how over weight isn't seen as possitive. They will feel judged, of course. The person with said income would get mad, because they would feel you judge or question their ability to earn money.

If it's your spouse, that's different, because you do need to know at some point.



If it's your family, fine, but be careful telling people who aren't close to you. There are some screwed up people in the world, you know.

There's a problem with that?

I honestly didn't know that.

Why do peeple care?

Meh, there's always a chance of people doing stuff to you, no matter what you do. If you make a lot of money, people will know anyway, by seeing the car you drive, the place you live, etc.

I think you have to draw a distinction between where the discussion is appropriate and where it is not. For example:

Among coworkers: It is often appropriate, if only to ensure that everyone is getting a fair wage for their work. Many employers attempt to squelch this type of discussion through use of confidentiality clauses, but in many jurisdictions such clauses are unenforcable.

Among family: It is generally appropriate. Spouses and partners should always know. It may be useful for parents to know the relative incomes of their children, if only to make decisions about how and when to provide financial help (such as contributing to a down payment for a house). With relatives more of more than one degree, however, the propriety becomes less likely.

Among friends: In my experience the conversation becomes more general. In my social group, I have far and away the highest salary. But I also have the largest mortgage, and I am a decade older than many of my friends. It is generally understood that my income is higher and my home is larger--but the actual dollar value is never the subject of discussion. On the other hand, when I have helped friends with their immigration applications for their foreign born spouses or partners, it was necessary to ask and evaluate their income as part of giving that help. Similarly, I am preparing someone else's income tax return this evening.

So it all comes down to context. My private life is my own, and no one, other than my partner, my employer and the tax authorities are entitled to know my income down to the penny. That being said, my friends and family all have a general idea of where my income lies, and I am comfortable with that.

I don't know if it was like that only in Poland but one of our teachers once told us that back in the 70's asking people about their salary was an appropriate thing and a normal topic of conversations you could safely raise without being called nosey or rude.