what's your relationship with your mom like?

Post Reply New Topic

I just found out my mother has borderline personality disorder...which explains y=my extremely strained relationship with her and previous post.

It's complicated. She's done a lot more for me than most parents would of done for their kids but we have lots of fights & we never had a close relationship. I had lots of problems as a kid related to AS, dyslexia, & other mental issues & some physical disabilities she wasn't really aware of let alone understood. I had LOTs of problems with school & at home as a result. My mom always wanted me to have the best life possible like good moms are expected too but she thought I was being difficult, lazy, spoiled, selfish ect because she didn't see me trying to do things most kids my age were doing like chores or school stuff. I was very stressed out from all my different problems & her pushing me to try caused me to have lots of BAD meltdowns with her as a result. She would get very frustrated & say things in anger that she really didn't mean & she also joked kind of sarcastically when she was frustrated or trying to push me & I took her joking literally. like she'd say things like "your going to have to be euthanized after I die because your too dependent to do anything to care for yourself". I know I had LOTs more problems than most other kids & she wasn't expecting that when her & dad decided to have a kid & looking back now I think I understand her perspective as to why she felt I was being lazy & why she was pushing me & frustrated with me but I'm not the problem now that I was back then. I can be very responsible & learn to do a lot more things for myself but I need the rite opportunities, the rite kind of support & an environment more suited for me. My mom's opinion of me is negative because of her perspective of me as a child & all the bad history sense then. She sees me as lazy & dependent instead of understanding the kind of help I need to better reach my potential. I do NOT hate her like I did as a kid but I don't think we'll ever have a great relationship; being able to be around each other a lot because we live together & us not fighting or arguing is the most I'd want & we're getting there.

I don't see her as my friend, I see her as my mother. I have had my ups and down with her growing up. I have gone through periods where I was mad at her and preferred my dad. I have gone through periods where I saw her as my enemy. Now we are fine now and she still supports me when I need it. She also understands me and took an effort to try. I was very lucky to have her as my mother. She still tries to tell me how to live my life. Now she will be back in my life 24/7 again.

Interesting. I wonder if aspies are more likely to have complex or negative relationships with their mothers than NTs, or if it's about the same.

I definitely see the relationship with my mom as a love/hate relationship.

She is very much a control freak, not because she has bipolar disorder, but because she thinks the world revolves around her.
I don't know if she truly is bipolar, or if she has AS; she also has a tendency to treat both my sister and I as if we are still small children.

We're very close, even more than ever since I was diagnosed. She's pretty much the opposite of me, however. Quite no-nonsense and optimistic while I'm on full-on panic mode or see everything through a film of grey. We do have share a lot of the same beliefs and ideas, however. We both hate the female stereotype that women always have to have tons of shoes that were designed as if we all had three-inch wide feet with only three toes. On the other hand not many women like shopping for bathing suits, but my mother told me the other week she actually enjoys it, and owns several of them!

I love my mother and I consider her my best friend. She can be very difficult to be around at times, however, as she has borderline personality disorder and knows how to push my buttons. I try my best to understand her and take care of her but it is not always easy. Since I am the only girl she believes that I am obligated to be on her side, all the time, no matter what.

I think it depends on if our mom's are aware of & understand our AS &/or if they have anything that could put them on the spectrum to. As i mentioned in my other post in this thread; my mom's an NT & she wasn't aware of my AS & other things & we always had a very rocky relationship

In general it's kind of in between but right now it's bad because we just got into a huge fight.

I don't know why I just started thinking about this thread. I wanted to add this - I look forward to the relief I will feel when my mother finally dies someday. Though I'm aware of no health concerns of hers, I do feel somewhat optimistic that it'll happen sooner rather than later.

I guess she finds me a "difficult" person.