Jokes About Asperger's

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"People say that Autism is discrimination because of car"

It's my favorite joke so far. It's gonna be my facebook status

-how many Aspies does it take to change a light bulb?

answer: One. ... See More

- While learning to hold a job at a coffee shop. An Aspie asks "How do you like your coffee"?
the customer answers "I like my coffee Crisp". (the chocolate bar commercial ) and chuckles...

The Barrestta spends the whole shift explaining the physical properties of aquatic molecules vs solid molecules dynamics, and how it is impossible to "crisp" coffee.

- Autistic kids!! !! They Rock and Roll! all night, but they don't party every day.

-You know you have Autism when: You don't get enough practice speaking contemporary English, but your excellent control of lexicon scares your teachers they accuse you of cheating. You are seem a shoo in for a xeno linguistics degree in a prestigious university your major is: Classical Klingon, Remulkaian (cone heads), Huttesse, Elven, and Orc etc etc etc . You get a job with the United Nations, (soon to be the United Federation of Planets, the Democratic order of planet (futrama), or the Galactic/Imperial senate. As a translator for the diplomatic emissaries for these ethnic groups; just like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2, you have diplomatic immunity so hammer you can't sue. You absorb their culture, you write poetry in their language or some other literary masterpiece of literariness. Your PERFECT command of their grammatical sophistication, and you're awarded allocates up the Yin-Yan. Go ahead crabby teachers give me an -F.

-You and your cat have a mutual accordance of privacy. That is until the cat smells really bad and needs a bath.

-You save yourself lotsa money by not going to the Saddledome, because whenever the Flames WIN a game. or score a goal =Yikes! (I'm a Flames fan. And their over use of Iginla, I can see the problems of being focused on one. They covered him very well).

-You are worth getting a bunch of RED cards over. You're a great striker, a regular Pele and have great talent, and your heart is the size of a cantaloupe, and your lungs can fill the good year blimp. Oh yea are definatly worth getting a Red card over... Your country just lost the world cup, but there's always next 4 years, and the next and the next and the next until you win the gold medal. You have plenty of silvers however in your attempts. Because they keep on hurting you over and over again. You did it you won, and you're also in the Guinness. You are the poster boy for never giving up.

-Although you have super hearing, super senses, and can't feel pain, Neo just defeated you, (Matrix), because he's an Aspie who knows.... kung fu!

-Either General Wulf kicked your butt, or Bliar the demon did. But not both, but at least you managed to take ONE of them out. yay. General Wulf and Bliar are thinking the same thing too! (Bloodraybe)

-You just played Sid Myer's Gettysburg as the Union... The Confederates have won the war! While you were preoccupied with two units the computer had time to move to little round top and kick your butt.

-You understand the Christian saying "Be of this world but not part of it", and ironically your actions have elevated the human world up.

-You are a rock... you are an Islanddddddd!

-Who can it be now... who can it be now... who can it be now... who can it be now. Who can it be knocking at my door, go away don't bother me right now. -The Police.

-Irony is while you work in an office and don't socialize after work, don't bond during the trips, and generally not known by the bosses, because you're practically invisible. This is good, because they don't notice you using your creative skills to absorb a wide array of data and use your pimped out brain to get somewhere. Your boss likes you, and so does his daughter.

-Zombies chase you down, because they can smell your spicy brain. You get to live the dream of fanboys-girls everywhere.

I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor… I am autistic!” Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Speaking of Ass Burgers. Here is a video some of us were offended by but they were just making fun of the name:


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jkBOU9etRA[/youtube]

I know the Tories didn't get a majority! They made their slogan Vote for Change! They lost the autistic vote right there!

What goes:
Red red red
Blue blue blue
Yellow yellow yellow?

An autistic kids' Lego house.

What insects don't have AS?
Moths, because they fly around the light

(That joke was dedicated to my favourite insects, which are moths and butterflies)

There were 3 men, one an Aspie, with a Downs (short for Downs Syndrome) and one Senile (with Alzheimer's). They were standing at the bottom of a slide, and as they slide down the slide they have to say something and whatever they had said they will land in a bucket of it at the bottom. So the Aspie (being the cleverer one) slid down and yelled, 'money!' and landed in a bucket of money. The Downs (being a bit daft, no offense) slid down and yelled, 'paper!' and landed in a bucket of paper. Then the senile man slid down (and having forgotten what he was doing) yelled, 'weeeee!!' and landed in a bucket of wee!

(That one makes me laugh every time I hear it!)

How many Aspies need to change a light bulb?
Two - one to fix it in and the other to make sure the fixer is doing OK with the blindfold over his eyes!

(This doesn't apply to me - since I love light)

I'm an expert on jokes LOL

What did the autistic say to the other person?

Nothing.

(sorry but I had to get that one out of my system, all in good humor and nothing else)

Ooh, ooh, here's another one....

A teacher asks her students some questions in math.
Jimmy, a normal kid, and Timmy, an autistic kid.

Teacher: "What's 2+2?"
Teacher: "Yes Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "2?"
Teacher: "Correct!"
Teacher: "What's 3+3?"
Timmy raises his hand.
Teacher: "Yes Timmy?"
Timmy does not respond.
Teacher: "Timmy!"
Timmy still does not respond and continues to raise his hand.
Teacher: "Timmy?!?"
Jimmy: "Excuse me teacher, but Timmy's autistic."

Another Aspie joke thread.

Saves the time finding and bumping one of the old ones


How many Aspies does it take to screw in a light bulb

A1: Where
A2: How would they fit inside a light bulb
A3: There was a loose light bulb in a toilet on an aircraft I flew on last week; it was a Boeing but even so...................

Everything funny about asperger's in one video...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFt2aZvg3qE[/youtube]

Did you hear the one about the girl who some people thought was an Aspie, while some insisted that she wasn't

Well one day she dropped an MTV award in front of the cameras...............and still no one is sure if she is or isn't and she is now much richer than she was when she dropped the award

(Knock knock)

who's there

(knock knock)

who's there?

(knock knock?)

WHO'S THERE???

oh sorry, that's just my hand stimming.