Funny, corny joke thread

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It remains to be seen whether glass coffins will become popular.

I read an article that said that most labs will deliberately recruit an incompetent, mentally ret*d, idiot, brain-dead student.

This is to boost the morale of the lab, so that other students can move forward with confidence when they encounter research bottlenecks and setbacks.

How ridiculous.

I looked around the lab and didn't find any classmates that fit this description.

A psychiatrist goes into his waiting room and is surprised to find that the lone occupant is a cow, whom he duly ushers into his office.
"I've never had a cow as a patient before", says the psychiatrist. "What brings you here"?
"I'm feeling very anxious", says the cow. "A lot of people I meet say that they want to be my friend, but I keep having the feeling that they all just want to turn my rear end into beef patties."
"So," replies the psychiatrist, "How long do you think you've had this Ass-Burgers syndrome?"

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven ate nine!

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the proprietor about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for politician brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is politician brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many politicians we had to go through to get one ounce of brain?"

I have just 'stolen' this joke from the comments section on an article in today's Daily Telegraph:

"You can get electricity from a potato - there are several sites online showing how to make a potato clock. I used to have a potato clock. It would wake me up 'potato clock' in the morning."

A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor.

The police asked him what happened.

The drunk replied, "I don't know, I just arrived too."

I am a self-disciplined person.

After I said I will going to lose weight.

I'll keep saying it.

I just flew in from Canada, and man are my arms tired.

q-why did the psychic chicken cross the road?
a-to get to the "other side."

Why are we always so sleepy at school?

Because school is where dreams begin.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t lead a horticulture.

What do you call a baby swallow?
A sip.

If a group of insane people get lost in the woods how do they find their way out?
They follow the psychopath.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but only if the lightbulb wants to change.

Motto for OCD support group.
Every member counts.

If Idaho gets a New Jersey, what will Delaware?