Marknis wrote:
No one ever asks me if I am ok. They just leave me in the dark to continue suffering. Just watch, this post will get ignored.
Not ignored by me. Initiating any sort of direct social interaction is a huge struggle for me, it sends my social anxiety/phobia sky-high (and my inability to reliably overcome it is probably a large part of why all my friendships just fizzle out sooner or later), but I do still care. I have no idea why it makes such a difference (in difficulty for me, I completely understand why it matters to others) if someone else is the first to communicate, but it’s entirely due to my own issues and not anything personal or because I don’t actually care or anything. I also don’t deliberately ignore you or anything, I’m sorry if I’ve missed things that make it seem that way. Often I don’t feel like I have anything worthwhile to say or am afraid I’ll mess things up and somehow make it even worse, I’m still learning that it matters enough to others to be worth at least chiming in to say “I notice, and I care.”
Also apologies if it seems like I’m trying to make things all about me or anything. I’m attempting to make explanations, but not excuses.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"