What's on your mind right now?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not proud of myself since I did something earlier that I haven't done in a long time. I hope it doesn't become a habit again.

It is a religious holiday a few days later and my parents want me to come to our summer house again to spend it with them. Being in the summer house is stressful to me since there are 5 people who live in a very small house, i have no way of being left alone and plus the neighbors are so nosy. I also have sad memories relating to this house and it triggers my anxiety. But i feel like spending the holiday on my own is too weird and that people are going to look at me strangely. I wish holidays weren't so long.

If this is it, like if in life this is all there is. I just feel like I am wadding in the shallows of life and I want to go somewhere with depth...I mean there I things I think about and want to do, but..most everyone around me isn't really interested in the depth of thinking and talking I want to be engaged in.

It seems that...


If I wanna envision to be around nature with the sun around, it almost never consists of green and blue.

It's always consists of golden yellow and brown.
Autumn colors in forests in sepia like light or the reflected sunset light over the fields.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

bacon

Appointments with other people to prevent that I will not have a completely boring summer.

On the other hand, the family visit I had this weekend was most of the time pretty boring for me.

I wish my wisdom teeth weren't impacted. Being able to keep them would be cool.

My mom's acting nuts. By nuts I meant being a troll.

And its my fault.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I spent all day arguing over how to get medical records transferred so that I can see a new doctor. Why the heck can't the USA catch up to technology of twenty+ years ago and use email, or even a trusted website, instead of fax machines? I do not own a fax machine, neither does literally ANYONE else I know. Why on earth can't I just email it?

found another piece on Job:/ Answer to Job

more bones to chew

Jung, William Blake and our answer to Job

as summary as i know of
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Answer_to_Job
The basic thesis of the book is that, as well as having a good side, God also has a fourth side—the evil face of God. This view is inevitably controversial, but Jung claimed it is backed up by references to the Hebrew Bible. Jung saw this evil side of God as the missing fourth element of the Trinity, which he believed should be supplanted by a Quaternity.

Another theme in the book is the inversion of the biblical assertion that God sent his son Christ to die for the sins of humanity. Jung maintains that upon realizing his mistreatment of Job, God sends his son to humankind to be sacrificed in repentance for God's sins. Jung sees this as a sign of God's ongoing psychological development.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Job

also somewhere there was making a point of; the narcissism of god -- no time for that, it would be somewhere, if i plow through all my earmarked stuff
- or, as in, giving a- your child to (be) sacrificed- what kind of pattern-idea is that?
-- or as in all hyperboles of thoughts, one can't "have" things (loved things/persons), only let them (be) free, that would be the sacrifice.
ohno too much waffle,

I am so nervous to go to the doctor tomorrow. I want to just cancel the appointment because I don't want to have to talk about my mental health problems.

Suicide. Just planning on exactly where and how. Definitely something I don't want to F up this time. Anyone know where I could find statistics on methods vs successful attempts?

Here in Australia we have something called the suicide callback service which is a national number for people to call who are suicidal.. I must be the only person in existence that they actually hang up on.. more than one occasion. Talk about a sign that says go kill yourself.