What's on your mind right now?
So the chair(wo)man of Finland's more or less furthest in to the right political party got replaced today, and the new head is a woman. Personally, I'm very happy about this since the right side of politics is usually the one stomping on women's rights around the world, so her election might protect us women here in case some people in her political party try to trample our rights. Assuming she's not one to trample on them herself, of course. I haven't looked in to this enough yet to know what kind of woman we're talking about.
For the political party itself, this could very well be a make it or break it kind of turn. Since the woman was voted by it's members to lead the party, I'd like to believe that it won't get divided by this. However, I know that that specific group has some very old fashioned and right down misogynistic people supporting it, so it's bound to lose some support. I just wonder if it'll be enough to threaten the position the party has... then again, having a chairwoman now, it might attract some people to the party who've liked it's ideas before but have been doubtful about it due to political parties on the right having the reputation of harming women. Maybe this is a clear sign that despite being a party on the right, it won't be that kind of party.
A memory -- one of my funny monologue like comments in my head;
"I love him... Like a brother.
Sure, I admired him so. Perhaps the closest thing a person I'd ever truly idolized.
Even along his flaws, I simply feel nothing but an urge to be patient and to understand him.
Yeah, indeed it is love.
But what kind of love is this? I'm heck sure it ain't romantic.
Do I fantasized about him? Do I wanna smother him with sweet nothings? Do I ever envision calling me his girlfriend or something?
Do I wanna touch him or something? Gods, no! Yuck!! !
And do I ever felt any hint of jealousy when it comes to his girlfriend and crushes?
Hahahaha! No! I could care less about his love life! If anything, I'd tease him to be shipped and probably won't live it down.
In fact, I know him so much, that I'm hell sure I would never ever want or ever wish to be his 'lover'! !!
It'll desecrate our connection -- we'll dishonor ourselves with whatever his idea of romance is.
But yes, I do love him...
The idea that he dotes me, while I follow him around as I learn from him? Oh yes.
I'll serve him too as much as he wants to serve me.
We also bash our heads to each others like a pair of siblings and ain't so equal in terms seems so ideal.
Truly... I'm fulfilled.
I do not want anything more than that -- the fact that I love him like a brother.
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Well I got myself an excuse to bake a cake. The downside was that it was with such a short notice that I had to deal with the ingredients I already had and thus couldn't plan in peace and decide what I'd like to experiment with. I ended up with a recipe I've used since junior high, except this time I mixed a little cocoa powder in with the flour to change the taste a little. Should've put in more, though; I cut off some of the edges to make it more even (it was the type where I poured the paste on an oven sheet) and ate them, so I know the cocoa powder didn't really taste in it.
Here's why I ended up baking a cake: my sister's birthday was last month, and I've been meaning to go for a birthday visit, mostly so that I could give her her present, but our schedules just wouldn't match. So, yesterday when I asked her if she'd have time this week, it turned out they still wouldn't match, but she said that she could visit me on Wednesday (I hadn't said I wanted to see her because of her birthday, but she probably realized it herself.) I would've preferred going to her place since this was about her birthday, but there was no knowing when that'd work out, so I agreed. This is easier for me anyway since I'd need to use two different buses to get to her place, yet this doesn't really give her any extra trouble since I can see the building she works in from my bedroom window so she can just walk over after work and she has a car so schedules won't be an issue for her like they'd be for me. So, all's well!
Except...
Well, I don't visit her often. I don't think I've done it at all this year and am pretty sure I only visited her once last year, too (though guess I can partly blame it on corona.) Not that we never see each other; she works across the road, so sometimes she pops up at my place unannounced. If I go to our parents' place, it's not rare for her to be there or come there when I'm there, too. Anyway, mom doesn't visit her often either due to overlapping schedules and the fact that she doesn't like driving in the city. And she's bothered by that; she thinks she should visit her daughter more often, probably also out of quilt since she visits me and our youngest sister often. We live closer, in a smaller town and near the grocery shops mom frequents, plus lil sis is the youngest and I'm disabled, but still. And I'm bothered by it as well on my part. Logically thinking, I shouldn't be: it's way easier for my sister to visit me than for me to visit her, so it's natural that she visits me more than I visit her, right? But the thing is, connections between people can't work using logic alone. So I feel guilty for not putting in more effort. I mean, I admit that I didn't even try to arrange a meeting on weekends, because on weekends I'd first have to take the bus to the city center, then from there one to the area where my sister lives. When going home, the same other way around. On weekdays however, I will already be at the city center since I work there and could visit her after work, so I'd save myself from the extra bus rides to the city center. Another reason I prefer weekdays is that the buses go around more frequently than on weekends. So yeah, I feel guilty about that, too.
Of course, if my sister doesn't like having guests over in the first place and wants to keep her place as some kind of private sanctuary, then I'd have nothing to be guilty of (except maybe insisting to come over.) But the thing is, I don't think she'd admit that even if it was the case.
And back to the cake! The reason I baked the cake was that it's polite to offer something to eat when inviting someone over. While I try to keep a box of cookies in the pantry for situations like these, and actually have a full box there right now, that doesn't work with my sister since her health requires gluten free food. The cookies don't match that demand, so it was either go buy something or bake something. I hate going to a grocery store just to pick up one thing, plus gluten free stuff is expensive, so I considered it better to bake a cake. Could've made cookies, but that would've taken too much time. I would've also had a gluten free mud cake in the freezer, but just the two of us wouldn't eat the whole thing and it can't be refrozen. The cake I made is smaller and it's the type I can put in the freezer if there are leftovers!
...Rant over. I need some water.
I think I just had a conclusion...
.. I may have a form of thyroid issue. Or at least, a sensitivity of sorts.
My body is usually cold and had always known to intolerate cold. My hands and feet usually more so because of low blood pressure.
My body is only warm when it's ovulating or that the room temperature is, or that I do have fever.
One day on a grocery trip, I decided to just get my own salt -- I chose iodized salt and have it in the room where I eat more often.
Why?? Because the salt (rock salt) in the kitchen gets wet, also is somewhat mixed with MSG and some flavorless and hard stuff.
And... Yeah. It's been 5 days now since I kept adding iodized salt on my own food whenever I eat in the room.
Then... You know what?
My body starts becoming warmer. My sleep doesn't feel like I'm being dragged by sheer weight of gravity.
I'm past ovulation date. My body isn't this warm when I'm a week from getting the period.
Also I've been way less moody than usual. Still bored...
... And a bit hot. Literally.
But not the painful and discomforting type of heat -- this doesn't happen often, let alone days straight. And if I were neither sick or in a cycle, I'm usually pissed.
I'm far from pissed.
So... Yeah. I did some research -- about iodized salt.
First I've seen was some nationwide study about hypothyroidism, cognitive impairments and consuming iodized salt.
Then I dug a bit deeper.
I found connections between thyroid disorders and chronic fatigue symptoms.
And also how the thyroid function causes body temperature changes.
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Society's obsession with personal relationships, marriage, dating, sex, bullying anyone who doesn't fit their criteria of being "normal" and seeing how much damage this causes autistic people hurts me everytime i come to this site.
I wish i could help even some of the people who felt worthless and inadequate because of the sh***y people around them. Or rather, i wish those people could see their inherent value as a human being without anyone helping them.
Day is good. My head is good. So is the gut. There are no heavy like moments as if I'm running on fumes.
Still unaccustomed to this sort of body temperature.
It's raining now, and usually I should be shivering AND colder myself.
Now it seem I got enough body heat to not shiver while still feel the room temperature chill.
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There was a time when wine is good for babies, and that bananas are bad for them. This is not a random thought.
I'm pondering about parenting styles and advices, how it passed down or so-so...
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![Neutral :|](./images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif)
I understand this sentiment. I sometimes drink wine when super stressed and I guess it helps sometimes? However if possible, I recommend other ways to feel calm when things go like crap.
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