What's on your mind right now?

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When the fridge motor cuts out
And it's like there's suddenly something missing in your life.

You're joking right? Our fridge shut off when we were cooking.

* scratches chin *

Me & my brother having a lol on Whatsapp.

Brother: I have been told I am s**t at everything, but that I am extremely competitive & that it what gives me a bit of success/edge.

Me: I am even shitt(er) at everything, and I am even more competitive than you.

Both of us: *nods at each other*

I don't want to go anywhere today but I promised someone that I'd go to their place and make them an omelet. I know that leaving the house now and then is good for me. If I don't go someplace at least once a week, it's even more stressful when I do have to venture out. I know leaving is good for me and I'll be fine once I get there. Still, it's cold and all I want is to curl up under a blanket with a cup of hot tea. Now I need to be mindful of time. I have one hour until I need to go and get cleaned up and get ready to go.

Hm.
While I'm more than used to walk to work and walk back going home...
But having issues with sweat, footwear quality and sensory stress to some extent...

Didn't improve my stamina for the years and still get sores every now and then without enough time to rest, but it is still better than average.


If I invest on a bike...
It won't be half an hour to an hour long walks. Also less possible exposure on the road.

Downsides is requiring some vigilance and planning routes. Something I don't have to work over when walking.
And the possibility of breaking down, road inaccessibility, chances of getting stolen...

Upside is simply less time and less stamina to go to work.
More reliable trips, and able to explore further in the same amount of time. I'd worry less about people worrying about me taking time outside.

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Funny how I'm doing fine
And just doing my thing
But when I have those meetings
It's like "how are you even coping?"
For the most part
Quite well.
If I sat around waiting for their disability handouts I'd be a basket case.

I feel that ^
People's eyes bug out and they ask how I'm even alive
Then I balance it by telling them I'm surviving just fine, on my own terms
I guess I'm consoling them?
Then they decide that my resilience means I don't need help
It's like it has to be one or the other
I'd rather be self-sufficient than be pitied

If I'm a "rational person" or a "simple person" I'd either choose to be or simply be grateful.

But I'm not.
Why can't I?

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I had no idea anyone but the demon had been following my former alt' account, way back when in 2017.

Mortified thinking about that now. Christ.

Still contemplating on buying a bike.

Instead of planning routes and cases of breakdowns... Instead of seeing the potential investment...


All I thought about is if someone tries to steal it, I'll beat them black and blue consequences be damned.

If they get injured or even end up dying by my sheer raging fit of violence, I'll tell the world they deserved it.
I'll curse their parents and friends for their deeds and no sympathy over sob stories of whatever reason they do so.

And varying refutes about people disapproving my violent retaliations against this hypothetical thief.


Honestly, this doesn't surprise me a bit.
But still, it's making me indecisive about making such decision.

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Missing Ashley, the deceased, who encouraged me to make macaroni and cheese during my quarantine one Thanksgiving. I miss seeing her inspire her peers.

Why does my home smell of wet dog?

I don't own one, and it's definitely not a rat or mould problem.

I've experienced them elsewhere and know what they entail...

Patience. My life surprises me at times with little successes.

Someone [nominally] in my life who has found a reason not to do anything I've ever suggested, who is willing to do things with people they met in group chat that they weren't willing to do with me, in a text conversation with me about having mutually met someone in group chats, in which I offer group chat as a way to talk to me since they are unwilling to have a solo conversation with me, is telling me they can't do group chats, because...whatever...

There is a consistency to this inconsistency, lol.

There's a lot of parents who's hesitates taking COVID vacines here.

Not because of some rhetoric, but because of some previous deaths years ago.
Hundreds of children died taking a vaccine against dengue.

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