What's on your mind right now?

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I woke up and for several seconds couldn't figure out that I'm in the living room of my house. I fell asleep in the chair in front of my computer.

I look at the couch and think it's familiar but not sure from where. Then it all came to me. But until then it was silent screaming horror.

I hate crossing the street. Me and my cousin had to cross the street a few times on Saturday. It's a simple thing, but to me it's sometimes sensory hell and terrifying as f**k. We had to cross at a busy intersection at one point and I couldn't pay attention to any one specific thing because it was so loud and disorienting.

I wonder how toast would taste with oil.

I'm wondering why society flips out about the movie Fatal Attraction, where a woman goes crazy and attacks her partner for being a cheating, lying scumbag. They think it's terrifying and that Glenn Close was psycho.

Meanwhile those same people like The Shining, where Jack goes nuts and tries to murder his wife and son in a two hour display of gratuitous, unprovoked domestic violence. There are millions of other movies about psycho husbands but those aren't judged as harshly as Glenn Close because hey, y'know, the victims are only supposed to be innocent women and children --- not good looking men.

I like The Shining even though I think it's terrifying from a DV / parenting perspective and the ending gets stupid.
The book is way better.

I liked Fatal Attraction too, but haven't seen it in years.

I just don't get the double standards that most people have against Fatal Attraction.

The fact that summer really is gone. It's getting cooler during the day and starting to get the motivation to clean and tidy my place.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow, but I have absolutely no PTO. I don't even care about getting paid or not but I'll get in trouble if I don't go to work without it. I just don't want to deal with other people and get treated like I'm ret*d again. I'm tired of being made to cry during/after work and people getting legit aggressive with me because of how impatient they get.

I called out of work today. I'm already in pain and I don't want to deal with that one person at work at all.

My voice sounds really messed up today. My throat doesn't hurt or anything, my voice is just strained from going into hysterics the other night. I just no one thinks I have covid when I go out today. I'll just have to tell them I'm not sick.
Not physically, anyway...

Food

I've put myself through 30 years of self-abuse trying to be British out of fear of being disowned by my Anglo-Canadian parents and being ostracized by my sister and my peers. I tried top be British as a way of hiding my love for Germany over Britain and German behaviours. I had nightmares, night terrors, anxiety attacks and breakdowns during those 30 years.

I was thinking earlier how back in 1999 the whole world was in a panic because of Y2K, and the Rapture if they were really religious. Then It was 2000 and nothing happened. And not long after that the solar system's planets aligned and doomsayers said it would rip the Earth apart, but nothing happened then, either. But when 9/11 happened no one was aware or in a panic that it would happen. And in the earlier 2000a people were in a panic over there being a pandemic of avian flu and then swine flu and then it was like, "There was a pandemic? When?" But no one was ready when the covid pandemic struck the world. And then there was the Mayan Calendar before then. That felt like a joke, really.

So maybe because many people are in a panic over WW3 happening and being nuked, it won't happen. It's only when we don't think horrible things are about to happen that they do happen.

No. That's crazy. Right? Keep worrying and panicking anyway, people.

I had a really bad asthma attack at work today. I couldn't get a good breath for like an hour or so. I felt dizzy because of it and had to sit down twice. My emergency inhaler didn't do anything but make me jittery and it actually made it worse because it did that.