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Happy Birthday, shortfatbalduglyman!

I bought alcohol but I'm going to try to have just one or two drinks. I shouldn't drink at all though. At least I'm not getting really drunk. lmao

Dad's trying to make dinner and he's suuuuuuper drunk.

He can't wait til mom gets home, no. He's hungry now and doesn't know how to use measuring cups.

Just earlier he had trouble finding the defrost button on the microwave. It was right in front of him.

The reason why I'm "afraid" of doing or getting something new is because it might not be worth it.

I refuse to work another several months to make a single try a damn failure.
Only to be able to do it again after several months -- because I literally cannot afford it.

'How can I afford it'? -- by working for several months, or smooch people off. Doesn't keep up with how I seek novelty.
And not guaranteed for it to be worth it -- I'd either wasted several months, or lose trust and respect and feel 'guilty'.

Not because I'm "autistic" that I live in a fricking "bubble" and in 'distress' of change or something new.
Or struggling with 'anxiety' and I don't even have that -- unless specifically around money.


Can't people understand that I grew up poor enough to not able to afford a slight consistency at home, and as much as I hate to admit that it's what I 'know' DESPITE desiring otherwise???

Can't people understand that I have to be 'reckless' and 'apathethic' to counter this stupid 'guilty conscience' instilled in me???!

Can't people understand that I don't exactly live in a world where I cannot 'afford' mistakes??
I'm not even a doctor or a lawyer to have that kind of responsibility, yet I live as if that's the case and I hate it.

I don't even care about being "safe".
I'm just fricking tired. Just fricking frustrated to this form of helplessness.



TLDR; I have more financial traumas than social traumas. And people are stupid enough to mix up both.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

A couple maintenance guys at work initiated conversations with me. People usually don't do that so that was nice.

Beware.

^ Can I use my stiletto?

Can I push the button now?

Thinking about the anime Onimai/Onii-chan wa Oshimai and how it compares to Xenoblade Chronicles 2. Both may seem shallow and problematic on the surface, but there is something very beautiful underneath if one takes the time to analyze and appreciate them.

Why am I afraid to talk on the phone? No problem with texts or email.

How can people be so damn IGNORANT?!

...please excuse my vulgarity