What's on your mind right now?

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I called into work because I have way too much anxiety and am dissociating really bad. I don't want to get fired, but I can't handle working in that sensory hell for 8 hours like this. I was struggling all last week because of it and at one point I spent most of the day crying off and on.

If I could envision how I feel...

Sitting in a large hut that's falling apart, and pretending it's a luxury...
Well sure it endured several severe weathers.

Only that...
The occupant ignores the tatters, that the roof could fall apart, there are several holes on the floor, the walls could just fall down...

Said occupant just stares at the rainy view, enduring all the cold...
And that was all driven by grudges.

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tomorrow is xenoblade 3 dlc. Must get a lot of game things done.

First game tonight.

Little Mocha pooped on the kitchen counter last night. Because the other cats kept growling, hissing, and keeping her at bay, she couldn't get to a litterbox. Now she spending the whole day in my room getting to know where her food, water, and litterbox is. All other pets are kept out while gets used to her surroundings. She's currently eating well, but I suspect she has a cold. She's a loud sniffer and has sneezing fits from time to time.

I was going to write a rape scene in my book as a catalyst for the victim (an alien villain) to discover bloodlust, but just before writing it I decided to read up online on how to respectfully write one. I came away deciding to change the catalyst because it may be too triggering for some, and because another event could have the same effect without the same unsavoryness.

Sometimes I almost wish I could skip ahead a couple of years in my life. I guess I'll go listen to some rain sounds. That often helps.

I love my kids.

I was angry enough to drive away a new comer at work.

No, I didn't even yelled at her direction. More like I growled at someone else.

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I do not understand humanity. I am just a machine.

Don't forget to pay the bin man.
Wait. That's me

Stop pulling my chain. ^


I"m having one of those It's a Wonderful Life moments where I think the world would be better off without me.

But if I say that I look pathetic.

I'll just muse on my own.

Regular job burnout is nothing compared to autistic burnout.

Because the latter is more painful and disabling, the trigger is simply existence to a world where I do not belong and not just a particular activity.

I'm having a regular burnout.
And even if years came with it, I don't care.
Because it's nothing -- this isn't an autistic burnout.


Currently ragged and irritable and body not wanting to work. Plain laziness due to more of those mood dysregulation.

Way far from losing words or throwing things.
And it's only Wednesday.

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So far whenever I watch a Saw movie I always remember bits and pieces from them, which means I must have seen them as a kid. I have no idea who the hell let me watch these or when that even happened. It must have been my dad or my brother-in-law. lmao