What's on your mind right now?

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^ Will you get committed for just having those thoughts and not acting on them? Seems a little harsh.

Bury them in the woods and make a map to their location , then give the map to someone to hold onto.

Tomorrow.

In which I must accept a role.
In which I must accept reality.

It's going to be a headache.
But it's better than agonizing passivity and 'boredom'.

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Maybe ditch them in a public bin or yeet them into a nearby body of water?

I found a scary looking pocket knife in my son's pocket when I was doing the wash.
He was about 14 or 15.
I think you'd call it a switchblade.
He was on an airplane going for holiday so I couldn't talk to him.
I had a bit of a panic attack about what the hell to do with it.
I didn't even want to touch it or get my prints on it.

I rolled it up in a cloth and ditched it away from home.
Sorry dude, that's not allowed in my house.

^ All of mine are like that besides for like, one utility tool thing with 2 knives in it. lmfao

Maybe I'll put them in something and then chuck them in the woods. I wish I could just get the courage to tell someone, but I don't have anyone supporting me IRL mental health wise, so telling someone I actively want to mortally wound myself is terrifying. I don't have anyone I trust to not either judge me or make things much worse for me. I really don't think anyone would understand plus I'm kind of worried they might not even care if I tell them which would make me feel worse.

Just had a trampoline bungee jumping.

It was good.
Though my main concern is my stamina. I only lasted for 5 mins.
And couldn't take my mind off from my belongings and time constraints of my errands...

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I feel like i have to try to stop masking too much and see if people will like me for who i am. Whether they will accept me, and deal with the consequences if they dont.

I've heard of freezing credit cards in water.

It would work well for your items since they wouldn't even be allowed in a microwave.

I only had an urge to hurt myself with something sharp once...
... Before a force told me don't. Could just be in my head, my subconscious self preservation, or something else.

I know not how to advice someone who has own a blade and has self harm urges.

But if I were obsessed at something and I want it to stop, I'll just keep the whole thing out of my sight and out of mind until I forget.

But if it's just thoughts of harm... No triggers whatsoever.
Well, if my head is obsessed with certain thoughts, I have two avenues; meditation (sitting with it, not fighting it, not reacting to it, not judging it, and definitely not acting upon it).
Or just flat out distraction -- which may just be delaying effect until confronted, displacement and expression -- which can be tricky.
And sometimes not easily done alone unfortunately.

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I just remembered it's a long weekend.
I totally forgot because of everything else.

Now I feel sad that I'm not up north boating or doing something chill.
I wonder if it's too late to buy sparklers?






Bobcaygeon - The Hip

PS How's traffic there, FXE? Roads busy?

I know that feeling. ^

Thinking about the experience I had the other night and the fact that I haven't felt "right" since then.