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First you must win an election to become the president of the United States or the British prime minister. It doesn't matter which country or party.

How do I learn to ride a bicycle?

The easiest way to learn how to ride a bicycle, is to learn how to ride a unicycle blindfolded while juggling.

How do I make fire shoot out of my nostrils?

Turn yourself into a set of nose, replace your mucus with gas, then some flint and what not for cilia...


How do you make a broken man?

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Marry him!

How do you eat oysters?

Through a paper straw.

What does "let them eat cake" mean?

It means the peasants have run out of caviar and prime steak so must live on cattle cake i.e. turnips.

Why is Black Forest Gateau so tempting?

Because it's a manifestation of Satan.

Why do moths fly around lights?

They are trying to get a tan.

Why do dogs chase cats?

Cats actually owes dogs a lot of debt. And cats refuses to pay with interests.


What is a wild card?

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Here is a wild card:



Why is the world round?

The world is the offspring of a gigantic galactic beachball.

Why is Italy shaped like a boot?

Because it is where football lives.

What is the best way to deal with salesmen knocking at the door?

Whack them with an inflatable radish.

Why do we experience post gig comedowns?

It's because the price of bananas has gone up.

What should I do about my enormous electricity bill?

I'll pay it, no problem! (Note the thread title before you get too excited. )

Why are there candles on birthday cakes?

An extra candle each year serves as a reminder that you are one year closer to your cremation.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?