What's on your mind right now?

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I recently discovered how much I enjoy sitting in a dark room.
I've been wasting energy all these years keeping the lights on.

Are grocery stores not allowed to check bags now?
I used to get checked a while back, but no one ever seems worried about my backpack now.
Maybe I just look very honest?
Maybe they're making such a stupendous profit they don't care if I shoplift?
Unless it's meat, which is now security packed and alarmed.

You pack nice meat Oli.

On my mind -

Socks.

I really should own some.

^^you would know, muffin.

Did you delete those naked pics I sent you, too?
I'll need a warm sock this Northern winter.
Or two.

They're on my hard drive with extra RAM. ^
I'm going to use them to wallpaper my lair after I install mirrors on the ceiling.
Would you like some pink champagne on ice?

Is your place still soaked?
I like it when it's wet.
It's so earthy.

still raining.
they've predicted a 'rain bomb' all down the East coast.
we're being bombed with rain.
how i long for the sunny climes of Old England.

It's still raining here too.
I'm sequestered at the fireplace with cats.

Nothing finer than a stout sequestering.
Pat the cats for me.

Did you know that hello as a greeting wasn't used until the invention of the telephone?
Hello was originally a word used to attract attention or as an exclamation like "What do we have here?"

Useless fact of the day.

Did you know that "OK" stands for All Correct?

Um, yeah.

People at my clubhouse are going to find out many things about me that they were only half aware of when I do my speech tomorrow.

I can now describe the difference between nonalexithymic emotion from alexithymic emotion.

If emotions are visible in the inside, think of it as a really long wick; the first ends that goes through is the internal, subtle sets; which has it's own sections, where it influences your thoughts and impulses, the affective aspects that may translate into behaviors...
And then the later other end is the physical aspects and reactions of emotions, which is a bit of a shorter and later end.

At least in my experience; here's the comparison --

Me without the alexithymia -- can already feel the emotion coming long before the physical does.
The more sensitive, the faster it react.
And the emotions itself stretches further than just the physical symptoms, and that there are more physical symptoms as well...

Me with the alexithymia -- the emotions come seemingly fast but also short and "late".
It's like... The 'later stages' of emotional reaction is only visible (physical reactions).
It makes the triggers seem less visible, it makes any emotional response seem out of nowhere.


The advantage between me and those who's alexithymic their whole lives is that the longer and earlier threads of the emotional wick is nothing new to me and knowing what to do with it.
My disadvantage is more or less the experience, I guess? I'm somewhat confused about this. It is how I imagined it, now I don't know what to do with it.

And the advantage I have over those without alexithymia is that the longer and earlier threads of the emotional wick no longer influences me as much.
The only disadvantage I have is that I would had to chanel more diligently to feel more of it to a degree.

It's not like I'm a true alexithymic; it's the pills (which I plan on keep taking), not some event or situation that impacted my emotional development/function that sways into 'feeling less'.

And I'm sure; compared to others -- they may misinterpreted this as numbing.
My emotions are not 'numbed out'; more like my perceptions of it are. To a point that I feel way less stuck and overwhelmed because of my own feelings.

And I don't feel empty or hollow; too bad I don't feel the true nothing either...
I certainly don't feel numb, nor the disconnect that can be felt in depression, and nor does that state of apathy or demotivation...

I can still feel the energies, swirling around inside me; I feel far from disconnected.
But no clear direction to go to; that's now leaning towards manual mode. And I think this is how I want to be.

Again -- I'm happy-content and just confused, yet to learn how to function and live this way.

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If we're free to do anything then why don't we

I like a bit of womansplain me