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No, the 1926 International Coalition of Squirrel Rights made it illegal for humans to eat acorns.

Why do people walk dogs instead of cats?

Too many cat walkers have suffered serious injury while being dragged up trees by their cat chasing squirrels. Dogs are safer as they can't climb.

Why are dogs kept on lead (leash) in public?

To hold their humans accountable.


How to destroy a migraine in five easy steps?

1. Put bullet in gun.
2. Release safety.
3. Point gun at one's temple.
4. Pull the trigger.
5. No migraine.

What is a good way to clean my windows?

Thanks, I'll try that. ^

The melon baller I use to gouge my eyes out is in the dishwasher.


Get a malware detection program.


How to plant radishes?

Get a big, mature Radish.
Chop into pieces.
Plant each piece in a separate pot.

How to feed children?

Take the largest child,
Chop into pieces.
Feed pieces to smaller children.

How to raise chickens?

Fill them with helium.

What do I do if my car runs out of gas?

Use diesel, paraffin, hydrogen or throw some AA batteries into the tank, whatever is most handy.

Why won't my car start?

It's been taking anger management classes. But I reckon you can still provoke it into punching you by trash-talking its momma.

Why do cars have four wheels?

One for each of the gospels in the New Testament. Drivers side front is Mark, rear is John, passenger side front is Matthew and the rear is Luke. Car mechanics often refer to the individual wheels by these names. The name used for the spare wheel was lost to the mists of time but the search for it was the subject of a novel by Dan Brown.

What is that smell?

Nature's way of telling you to go for a shower.

Where is the best place to move to to avoid a fiery death in the upcoming nuclear holocaust?

Zaporozhya Nuclear Plant. I recommend the reactors.

What's the difference between green tea and black tea?

Black tea is ripe, green tea isn't.

Why do people carve pumpkins for Halloween?

To commemorate the Scary Orange Man.

Why are beets red?

It is a little known fact that beets aren't vegetables, they are animals and the red is blood!

Why do my eyes hurt if I look at the sun?