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Are you diagnosed with Complex PTSD (Trauma Disorder), or event-specific PTSD? The diagnoses are quite different and therefore the treatment should be different as well.

Here's a good link for CPTSD, just in case you aren't aware of the differences and you wish to investigate further:

Complex PTSD Article

I was held captive from 2002 - 2009 and I've been in CPTSD trauma recovery ever since. Yes, I have a very trusted PhD trauma psychologist. He is a Holocaust survivor and world-renowned expert on captivity trauma. He is my saviour, so to speak. For the first few months I hid under his desk and couldn't speak. I've come a long way with his guidance and expertise. He even helped to arrange for my service dog, a gift for which I could not thank him enough.

I had a trauma psychiatrist (a woman) who started out helpful but then became what you describe in your own experiences. I too became very agitated by her methods and she didn't understand me beyond the first year or two. I was finally allowed to stop seeing her as of June. (Whew).

Neither of these professionals knew about my Autism (nor did I), until I was assessed by a third doctor just this year. That revelation has compounded my treatment even more.

It's interesting that you mention EMDR. I went to that once in 2015 and had a terrible panic attack (most severe ever), with anger (as you mentioned), and extreme physical symptoms which seemed neurological. I didn't know what was going on and basically fell on the floor in a heap until my brother came to rescue me. I was so stressed from the appointment that I was almost catatonic for a week. I suffered my stroke exactly one week after EMDR, while still in the throes of catatonia from it. Now that I know more about strokes I can see that the physical response I had during EMDR was actually a TIA (mini stroke, warning stroke, etc.) The fact that the EMDR / TIA happened one week before my "major" stroke can't be overlooked, in my mind. I would never try EMDR again. Of course it may be good for some people and I'm happy if it helps others, but my body couldn't process that type of therapy. I guess it depends on the individual. I'm sorry to hear it didn't help you, either.

Yes, tinnitus is brutal. Mine started in 2010 and hasn't stopped for a minute. I'm sorry you are dealing with the same. It's maddening to know the doctors can do nothing about it. My hyperacusis is pretty much exactly like yours. I used to call it "bionic hearing" until I knew the term.

I hope you can look into CPTSD (if you haven't already), and that even if you don't find a suitable therapist you can do a lot of reading on your own. It's even more complicated to throw ASD into the mix so try not to feel overwhelmed by your limitations.

Hang in. There are many people out there (here) who are also dealing with trauma, and we more than understand.

(Sorry for the insanely long-winded response).

Thank you very much. Will look into CPTSD. Am diagnosed with regular PTSD. Have not been a captive or been tortured, but I have been through quite a bit of violence and torment.

My reaction to EMDR was blacking out and constantly scratching my arm, until eventually ripping my skin off. Pretty extreme. Was quite the amount of blood. This scared the living daylights out of the 2 women that were giving the treatment. A week later, they told me I was dangerous and stopped the treatment, and all other treatment as well. That mental care center could not help me any further was the message. Had to go somewhere else. Problem is, they read the files and continue where the previous left off.

Great to hear that you have such an amazing psychologist. True gift from the heavens!

I have heard a few people react extremely to EMDR, although your reaction is the worst. EMDR subconsciously does something with repressed memories, I have read. If your repressed memories were too severe, that might have overloaded your brain in such a way, it just couldn't take it anymore. Think they underestimated your trauma.

They put me on an EEG a few times, and my brain activity is 3 times as active as normal. The neurologist was astonished with my readings. In relaxed state, I use 75% of my brain capacity. Probably because I constantly have multiple thought streams going at the same time. I am a strange one.

Life is short, so I will always ride it out to see the ending

Not long-winded at all. Interesting and informative.

Thanks again. You also hang in there, and I wish you much strength in your struggles.

What is your favorite animal?

The lady who did my EMDR was someone I found online, on the spur of the moment (in my case, that means about a week of notice - lol). I went to her thinking it would be like hypnosis. I've done hypnosis and although it didn't really work, it didn't cause me any adverse reactions. Turns out EMDR was not like hypnosis at all.

Looking back, I wish I had discussed my desire for EMDR Treatment with my psychology therapist before going to meet a stranger from the internet. I shouldn't have gone at all. My psych has since told me I wasn't strong enough for EMDR at that stage of recovery. He also said he could have offered me EMDR treatment himself when and if I was ready, using a different approach. I didn't know that at the time because (silly me) I don't ask questions.


Your experience at EMDR sounds scary. It's regrettable that the two women were so useless at helping you. You height or size shouldn't prejudice anyone against giving you the best possible care.

That's interesting about your EEGs. I had many as well, looking for epilepsy since I zone out a lot like focal seizures. I was told that I have excessive slow wave activity in my temporal lobes. At the time that didn't indicate epilepsy but they didn't know what else to make of it. I wonder if it's an autism thing or just random?

I do recommend looking into CPTSD. Can you go to your doctor and ask for a referral somewhere that works with CPTSD (and even better, if they are able to accommodate ASD as well)? Show your doctor the articles you've read.

Your trauma may not have involved captivity, but the fact that you experienced "violence and torment" presumably over a long period of time, may qualify. Psychological torment is applicable. In my case I had every sort of abuse (emotional, physical, psychological, sexual). Those can happen to people whether or not they are captive. Trauma is a sliding scale like autism spectrum. If you are autistic then you probably lacked the skill / executive function to get out of the situation in the ways NT people would. ND people are much more vulnerable to crime and insidious behaviour, so let your therapist or doctor know all of this.

I wish you well too.

Favourite animals: DUCKS! followed by kittens and dogs (equally), and fireflies.

Same q, but I might fall asleep before you reply.

Cats =^--^=

Same q.

I will, thank you.

I don't really have favorites. Have a special connection with Wolves and Ravens. Dogs always like me, cats as well. Even the extremely aggressive ones, who hate everyone. There is a dog in my neighborhood, who had an extremely abusive past and is aggressive towards everyone and always is happy when he sees me. Played with the guard dogs at the mental asylum next to my special school when I was a teen. The guard was always astonished at how they reacted to me. Don't know what it is I have with animals. With horses, I also have something special. They look at me straight in the eyes and bow their heads. Think animals feel I am protective, not scared of them and would never harm them in a million years, even if they'd harm me.

Who has been your biggest example in life?

The four teachers in high school who not only understood me, but didn't try to make me conform like the others.

I'll also answer this one:
What is your favorite mythological creature?
[Greek] Sphinx, nekomatta, kitsune, fairy dogs/cats...


Do you listen to the same songs over and over again? I do.

Someone has been reading the thread

Naughty Mew

I do have a broad collection of music I listen to, which often has repeating songs.

From the originals:

Charmander
Squirtle
Bulbasaur
Pikachu
?

My guess would be Pikachu. Hope I am right.

Would surprise you that I can do the voices of many Pokémon. 3 of these perfectly. Pikachu I can't do

Do you ever feel nostalgia?

Yes.

Same question.

Of course.

Do you have a crush on someone at the moment?

Many, all of them fictional.

same question

Fictional...

No.

Same question.

Well, yes, but there is little means of such becoming reality as well, I'd not want to humiliate someone by letting known said individual I have such a fondness for them.


Have you ever felt like a stranger in a strange land?

I usually feel like I'm from another planet.

same question

Doesn't everyone on this forum

Outcast among the outcasts.

Have you been bullied?

Yes, but thankfully only in kindergarten/grade 1.

same question