Funny misheard things

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Does it have to be something you actually heard differently, or can it be something you heard out of context and understood differently?

If it can be both, I had a great one happen to me just this morning,

The food service business I work for has employee posters distributed that ask, "would you serve it to your family?" It's about getting all the employees to be part of quality control.

Apparently this morning, while I was upgrading some IT equipment on location, the crew made some test food with product that was a little old.

I came around the corner just in time to hear "no, that's disgusting! Would you serve that to your family?" said mockingly, and I started laughing.

I told them, "I know that question's about the product, but I only heard that part of the conversation and I'm laughing because it sounds like you could be talking about literally anything. Like you could have walked in here and found a mess that [guy #2] made on the floor, and asked him 'would you serve that to your family?!?' " They laughed.

Then guy #2 looked at guy #1 and said, "no, but I would serve that to your family."

I misheard the Rolling Stones lyric "I'll never be your beast of burden" as "I'll never see your pizza burning."

Well, I gave it a nice, firm tug...
Actually, I asked him if he said "grab my d*ck" or "deck." Jokes about hearing aids quickly ensued (as always).
Still not as bad as the friend (who's afflicted with a rather severe speech impediment) who informed me of his desire to purchase a lathe. I swore I heard him say "I want to get laid." I told him that there are brothels and rock concerts to satisfy his burning desire. It only became clear what he said when this utterly horrified expression comes over his face (he's much more straight-laced than the rest of us) and a tremendous roar of laughter emanated from the other friends.

Correct lyrics :
"Gypsies,tramps and thieves,
The people come around to lay their money down"

Misheard by someone as :
"Gypsies,Chimpanzees,
The people come around to lay their monkey down"

"Feliz Navidad"

Misheard lyrics:
"El pollo baño felicidad." {Happy bathroom chicken!}

Real lyrics:
"Prospero año y felicidad."

"You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille;
"Four hundred children and a dog with no wheels"

"Tiny Dancer" by Elton John: "Hold me closer, Tony Danza."

Venus:

"I'm your Venus," misheard as "I'm your Penis."

I could go on and on with Mondegreens, a lot of them with questionable language.

There are a lot of times I mishear things and ask people to repeat lately. Sometimes I feel like my ears are plugged.

"You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel!"

When it comes to important issues, I ask for clarification frequently. I don't want to make any kind of mistake that could potentially delay me any more.

Euthanasia.

I thought people were saying, "Youth in Asia" and wondered what could be so controversial about being a young person on a particular continent.

The first reggae song I ever heard on the radio (back when reggae was new) was "Stir it Up" by Bob Marley.

He pronounces the chorus line "steer it up, my darling, steer it up".

But I thought he was singing "Celia...my darling. Celia".

Frankly I kinda like my version better. Its at least as romantic.

Also from the late seventies I used to hear the avant garde German band Kraftwerk doing "Autobahn".

Kinda proto techno music with occasional chant-like robotic "singing". It sounded to me like they were singing "fun, fun, fun, on the autobahn....".

The actual words are German: "fahrfen fahrfen fahrfen auf zei autobahn" (or like that), which simply means "driving, driving, driving, on the autobahn".

Again I kinda like my version better! Lol!

About a decade and a half ago there was a Puff Daddy song in the charts with the chorus:

"We ain't goin' nowhere
We ain't
goin' nowhere."

I heard the second and third lines as "We ain't... porno ware!"

So he was basically going on about how he wasn't an adult website?

People are always mishearing things and it's not really unusual. But I've seen I don't know how many reports there have been on the news where the parents who just got their kid the latest talking toy or electronic pet claimed that it said something really inappropriate.

Like that mother who thought a baby doll said "Islam is the light" a few years ago. The doll was supposed to only babble and not say actual words except "mama". I guess the mother was just really Islamophobic.

And then there was the talking Elmo book about potty training when they thought Elmo said "Time to die!" when he really said "Time to go!"

And even before that, there were talking Teletubbies where people thought Poe, the small red Teletubbie, was saying "F***t f***t, bite my butt", and Tinky Winky, the tall purple Teletubbie, was saying "I got a gun" when he was really saying "again, again!". They ended up changing the dolls' phrases.

Not long ago I even saw a report somewhere in Canada where the parents thought they heard the Hatchimal they got their kid said a swear. And then the father swears right on camera while discussing it. It was bleeped out but still hilarious. They don't want a toy to say bad words but the parents can say it, right on TV? Also they still let the kid keep it. Well they sure aren't cheap or easy to find right now, anyway.

hello thread it is seaweed with hilarious receptive SLD. "what?" is my go-to response and i know people get annoyed with having to repeat themselves, especially more than once, so i ration my repeat requests and leave a lot of misheard things unresolved. i rely on inference a lot and as i have gotten older i've gotten better at it but the combination of misprocess and inference make for some strange phrases. here are some gems from last week.

"you look like fun when you spread your legs" -a non-vulgar, unassuming coworker.

"i can getchu any drug" -no context whatsoever. we have never even talked about drugs before.

"take care of my groundhogs" -groundhogs?

"make sure you grab your tower key" -i have access to a tower?

"one time she made omen pies for church and brought us leftovers" -i hope they really said lemon pies.


song lyrics are completely lost on me. if i want to know them i must read them. i still gibberish for song lyrics.

Re. swearing toys, I remember hearing something about Minions dolls in McDonald's Happy Meals saying curse words. I think there were other cases of toys spouting obscenities as well, although I don't remember all the details.

I always heard "varicose veins" as "very-close veins." It made sense to me because I thought people were saying they were very close to the surface.