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Dear Grandma,

I will never forgive myself for not going to visit you that day when you asked for me, when my name was the only word people could understand you saying anymore. I was afraid to see you like that. I was in denial that the woman who gave me so much hope and love could be leaving me behind. In the century since you were born you saw it all, and survived it all, yet you always had time to take over watching your youngest, most troublesome granddaughter when Mom and Dad couldn't take it anymore. I remember what you said about the importance of art. I remember how you taught me to observe my surroundings better. I'm never going to stop painting and drawing "my figures" so long as I live, so don't worry. I'll tell both of our stories through my art.

I will always miss you. I will always love you. One day I hope I can be half as amazing as you were. Only then can I hope to forgive myself for my cowardice.

With Love

You wanted to stop me being angry? Congratulations, im never going to be angry with you ever again :). You cut it out of me and look how easy it was. Now the most important question i ever asked got answered you can begin to see the real me.

It's obvious when you're past it though isn't it? When you're looking at in the rear view mirror? I just needed an answer! It really was that simple. My heart was on the line and it was driving me mad. Now it aint and i even got the best possible result. Really really really, thank you.

btw, i never mentioned but i really appreciate the trust you put in me and the chance you've given me. I don't mind you holding on for a good while yet, to make sure, just believe me when i say that im not going to let you down again. Now that you've come through for me i'm going to come through for you, just watch.

Thanks again for the really helpful advice at the end of last term. I wasn't really expecting you to get in touch over the summer (although it would have been great to hear from you) but now I'm getting a bit nervous about seeing you at school. I'm still not totally sure where I stand with you, and it would really help if you were open with me this year. I'm really sorry about the confusion and for being annoying. I really want to work on 'real' social relationships so please don't hate/judge me if I get it wrong- let me know. Thanks again for giving me another chance at friendship, you're the first person who's done that after I've messed up. Hope you had a nice summer

I want to stop worrying about the discord in the world; and all the worries I have- thanks for helping me with that to a degree, even though I am still a worry wart.......... it will come in handy later.

Just because I'm a sub doesn't mean you can be snarky and rude to me. I wrote a polite and thoughtful decline to your stupid question, you're not allowed to question whether or not I thought before sending it.

You did it just because you could, didn't you? No matter... I don't hate you. I am mad at myself for believing you, though. I knew better, but I suppose you knew I was helpless against you.

You all are so funny and amusing! I love you, guys

I know that you get anxiety but why do you always have to put it on everybody else? I didn't even do anything to you and you freak out and tell me to shut up. Then you complain about me to everyone and you wonder why I never want to go to peoples houses anymore.

Quit acting like some sort of royalty. Oh wait, you ARE royalty. A ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS!! !! !!

It's about time that you accepted me as I am. Of course I'm going to dress like The Kinks, I like those clothes and their music. Maybe we might have a chance of a real mother-daughter relationship one day.

Look above at Mon Sep 03, 2012 10:40 am