Think of a few backhanded compliments.

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"In my day, we'd never wear that color shirt with red hair. Times and Fashion do change."

"It's amazing. You're so articulate."

"You don't look that old."

"Having a husband and big family is nice. All the pressure is off to look nice."

At least you can string a sentence.

Hey, honey. Your legs are losing that cottage cheese look!

person: my girlfriend is the most beautiful person on earth. she gives me all she has to give, and i give her all i have to give in return.

me: she must be quite special.

person: yes she is. i'm glad you understand what i am saying.

me: well it does not take much to understand that she must be very special to not feel ripped off for receiving so little in return for all she has to give. she certainly must be a selfless person.
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man: if i won a a hundred million dollars, i wouldn't know what to do with it all.

me: i bet you would leave most of it to your children.

man: yes i guess i would. you really do see the generosity in me don't you ?

me: i suppose so. i mean.... who else are you going to leave it to after failing for a whole life time to imagine a way of utilizing it for yourself?
money can not buy brains, and if your children are similar genetically to you, then it is possible that they, like you, would not be able to come up with enough ideas to exhaust one hundred million dollars in their lifetimes.

unless someone in your lineage of descent is scammed by a poacher, much of that 100 million dollars may well survive past the point of your evolutionary extinction. all that would be drained out of it before that point would be the cost of the food in your descendants bellies, and the cost of roofs over their heads, and considering that the likely hood of your genes prevailing beyond very few generations is small, the point at which the money is no longer drained is arrived at very early in it's process of depletion.

talk about a divine savings plan.
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previous girlfriend : hey mark!! look at this new outfit i bought!. what do you think?

me: well it is very "classy". you look a hundred bucks!

previous girlfriend : what?!?!? are you f*ckin with me?

me: no. i really do think you look like 100 dollars. it is just a saying anyway. you should have more self esteem.

previous girlfriend : 100 bucks is nothin' man!! !

me: well i will raise it to $1000 then. i saw lobsters at the fish market yesterday that were $89 per kilogram. how many kilograms do you weigh?
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"You're beautiful for an old lady."

a: you seem to me to be like a child of the sun. a sun child. grrrrr.

b: that is a lovely thing to say. hee hee. what makes you say that?

a: well your complexion is like parchment, and i can see your hair has been chronically bleached by exposure to the sun, and so is now lacklustre and as silky smooth as a pile of hay. grrrr it makes me annoyed to see the residue of what a person could have been but for vanity.

(the above is just an imaginary scenario in this instance)

Oh, well don't you look pretty today.

the world has six billion people in it, so i would think that there would be someone who would be attracted to you if they saw you. do not despair. keep searching and one day you may find that person.

A semi-friend/coworker told me he was going to ask his girlfriend to be his wife when he got back to his state. (he's traveling)

I told him thats great man - sounds good...

Do you think she'll say yes?

Bravo! I never thought that YOU would know that.

"you're pretty smart for a construction worker."

a: what do you mean you are worthless? you have a lot going for you.
b: what then?!?!
a: "you do not smell bad" is the first thing that comes to mind. and i am sure there are many more things good about you.
b: oh thanks alot!
a: you do not have to thank me. whilst i am operational i will report what i calculate.

Oh, oh, oh!

"You have such a stunning face...if you'd only lose weight/wear makeup!"



Such people don't know my personality- that's an excellent way to get me to NOT do something.

You have such a high post count, that I'm jealous of your ability to spam The Kinks. How long did it take you to get over 55000 posts? Two years? You must have gotten some help from the Off The Wall forum.

"what a nice outfit! i never wear things like that as the style is too young for me"

(we are the same age)