Good English- An Object Lesson (READ)

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Hey, material...how about the misuse of apstrophes?

When bernard gets killed, I can lend you one of my roleplay characters. He keeps getting killed by kirbies and coming back anyway so...

Straight Up Trippin'

Alternate Title: "You ain't Fitty, so get some goddamned sense."

I get roleplaying.

I really do.

You want to create an alternate character in a fantasy setting that allows you the freedom to express yourself.

Who wouldn't want to do that?

But there is a difference between roleplaying and being ret*d.

And, personally, I think "gangsta" talk is the line between the two.

Talking like a wannabe rapper is bad enough in the real world. The fact that some of you morons like to do it IN A FANTASY GAME creates entire new levels of pathetic.

Yes, yes. You listen to G-Unit.

I'm sure your mom bought you all of their CDs.

Oh, yeah. You're from the street.

Living on A street does not mean you are from THE street.

Your intense desire to break out your "mad skillz" does not mean you have to contaminate our fantasy setting with your constant desire to prove just how stupid you really are.

Seriously. Go hang out at the mall with the rest of your middle class, suburban "posse" and leave us the hell alone.

That's right. Flash your "gang signs" at the Dairy Queen counter help and shut the hell up.

What level of retardation (read: uber-mega-gundam-retardation) would lead you to think that talking like that somehow makes you cooler?

Wait... Hold on a sec...

Phone's ringing.

That's weird. It's for you. It's an Albino.

He says "Damn, you're white."

Now, if you really are "from da street," then that's cool. That's life.

But if you're playing a roleplaying game with a monthly fee on a computer or PS2, then I don't think you technically qualify as "keepin' it re-yawl."

There are few things I find more irritating than when someone mutilates my language.

The fact that you would not only mutilate it, but bend it to your own pathetic wannabe delusions cannot be forgiven.

This afternoon, I was enjoying a nice quiet crafting session. There were, mercifully, very few GM calls.

Everything was right with the world.

And that's when I get a call from one of these emulator, imitator e-tards.

GM Call Description: Gilsellers be stealing mining points.

That is not a typo.

That is what the call actually said.

He actually typed "be".

Now, this is what I'm talking about. I can kind of see someone saying that in real life, but taking the time to type it out on the internet?

That's just plain ret*d.

[GM]Dave>> Sup, Homes.
[GM]Dave>> I gotz da 411 dat some punkz be trippin', yo.
Player>> What?
[GM]Dave>> Hold on one second.

*gets out my english to moron dictionary*

[GM]Dave>> Dem gilsellers be thiefin' yo cheddar.
Player>> Yeh, dey stole my mining points.
Player>> I was making some phat loot, too.
[GM]Dave>> Fo realz?
Player>> (( word )) (( Up ))

Oh sweet Jack Daniels, the moron is now using autotranslated stupidity.

Someone remind me to apologize to the Japanese people.

[GM]Dave>> How dey be stealin' you points, yo?
Player>> Erytime I run around, dey camping my points.
[GM]Dave>> Punk ass, b*****s.
[GM]Dave>> Be gettin' dos points fore u.
Player>> (( word ))

Okay, maybe I won't ban this guy.

Maybe I'll fly to his house and beat him to death with a dictionary.

WEBSTER'S, BEE-ATCH!

But, since airfare costs money and bannings are free, I continue.

[GM]Dave>> I am so gonna pop a cap in his ass, yo.
Player>> Check it, yo.
Player>> Dis is how we do it.
[GM]Dave>> ...
[GM]Dave>> Okay, I'm going to have to stop there.
[GM]Dave>> You're reaching dangerous levels of stupidity.
Player>> WTF u talkin' 'bout?
[GM]Dave>> Listen, Eminem, I think it's time we let it go.
[GM]Dave>> Let's use our big boy words now, k?
Player>> U trippin', b***h.
Player>> I'm from da street.
[GM]Dave>> Suuuuuuuure, you are.
[GM]Dave>> Just trying to support your baby mamas, right?
Player>> Represent.
[GM]Dave>> Represent what exactly?
Player>> ... You know.
Player>> Represent.
[GM]Dave>> You don't know what that means, do you?
Player>> Well... no.
[GM]Dave>> I thought so.
[GM]Dave>> Listen, wh***y, you're going to knock that off.
Player>> Knock what off, fool?
[GM]Dave>> This is your last warning.
Player>> Whatevah, punk.
Player>> I'm keepin' it real.

He really left me with no other option. I had to put him down for the sake of humanity.

Wait...

Did I say humanity?

I meant my FREAKIN' SANITY!

*warp*

Player>> ... uhhh...
Player>> What are you doing?
[GM]Dave>> Dis is how we roll, yo.

Jormungand hits Player for 13,187 points of damage.
Player was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> DAY-YAM!
[GM]Dave>> SNAP, CRACKLE, POP, b***h!

Luckily, he now has more time to represent and what not.

Seriously, if you feel the need talk like this and you're not actually from the street, I would like you to go find the nearest street.

And then smash your head into the pavement until that feeling goes away.

Damn morons.

Lesson number three

(with thanks to [GM] Dave for providing the guest lesson)

While Bernard, TehL33tDethMstr, is in hospital recovering from a mild cranial fracture, concussion, and a small subdural hematoma, I thought we'd get some more noted things out of the way. This is what gets so many people upset in real life. We're talking about words similarly spelt, and said the same, but ultimately different things. These seem basic, but all too often, they are misused by people who don't even use l33tspeek, and thus should know better.

So we start here. No concussion today, not unless it's you tourself banging your heads against your computer screens in fustration.

There: A location, other than 'here'.

Their: The posession of a group, or of a non-gender-specific individual (that is, if they're not said to be a he or she, not because they are a tranny)

They're: A contraction of "they are".

Thus the following sentences :

There is a way.

Theirs is the way.

They're going this way.

Savvy? If not, please concuss yourself.


Now onto a particular point of contention: It's/its.

Its: a possesive used for non-specified things. This is one of the exceptions to possesive's contractions.

It's: A contraction of it is.

Hence the following sentences:

It's nothing to worry about.

This was its place in the world.


Now, can we remember?