WP Addicts Anonymous

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'Twas the night before Sunday, when all through WP
Not a creature was stirring, not you and not me;
Ferr's meds were all placed by his chimney with care
In hopes that less tooth pain soon would be there;

The girl cats were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of chicken breasts danced in their heads;
Ferr's dog on her cushion, and mine in his collar
Had just settled down when my old cat did holler;

Then out by the fence there arose such a clatter
Ferr rolled from his bed to see what was the matter;
Away to the window he flopped like a flash
Ripped open his stitches and tripped on some hash;

The moon on a chunk of the crusty old snow
Gave him daydreams of finding surveyors below;
When what to his two bloodshot eyes should appear
It was Smackface decked out in her best gard'nin gear;

With a rusted old drill bit, she inched to the crack
And then flashed Ferret sideways, dropping her Mac;
More rapid than dragons a piglet soon came
And Raleigh appeared with some ripe sugar cane;

"Hey GF, Hey Issy, Hey Temmy, what's new?
I'm not sure what's happened here, what should we do?";
To the drain pipe we charged, after forming a huddle
Fluff launched Smacky sideways, straight into a puddle;

Dry sockets soon formed, causing Ferr intense pain
But they healed when we rubbed them with curry and rain;
Then back to the house we all laughed as we flew
So grateful for being with this Motley crew;

In hazy confusion we heard at the door
A sick prize delivered from Ferr's Apple store;
As he reached out both hands to grab that red Eight
Pearl screamed for help loudly, and slammed the back gate;

She was drenched with wet mud, from her head to her toes
But she sprayed Smacky hard with her own garden hose;
A bundle of Knotweed she used as a noose
Then she bound her so tightly she'd never get loose;

Smack's eyes - how they pleaded, her moaning was scary
She wrestled like Frankenstein, all green and hairy
Her smug and rude mouth was drawn up like a viper
It twitched as she died, like an old windscreen wiper;

The stump of a toothbrush Ferr held to his teeth,
I blew smoke which encircled his head like a wreath;
His face was all swollen as big as his belly
But he wanted a steak, so he speed-dialled Kelly;

She drove a Ferrari, brought eats for us all
Her licence plate said she had come from the mall;
With a wink of her eye and a twist of her hair
Her red car just vanished, like she'd not been there;

Ferr mumbled in Welsh, no one knew what it meant
Then he dropped on his couch like a bag of cement;
His picked up his iPhone and started to post
As Rals and I made currant buns and French toast;

We poured some hot tea and we each had a cup
Before Lou and the other dog bore a small pup;
Then I heard Ferr exclaim, as we sprang out of sight
"Thanks for coming you all, and for making my night!"