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I don't get why so many neopagans think Lilith is a feminist icon or why they have whitewashed her entire mythology to make her one.
If I'm going to honor pagan deities I at least want to acknowledge what they really are from a scholarly standpoint but so many pagans pretty much make up crap as they go and they ignore the truths that they can't accept (kinda like Christians yuk yuk yuk)
Whether people who "worship" Lilith get or know the details you've unearthed or not, there is an entire world of difference between acknowledging destructive and potentially evil powers and actually embodying or emulating them. IT'S OFTEN ABOUT THE METAPHOR. We all have those destructive, awful powers within us, and whereas men are celebrated or at least brushed aside for beastly power, women are shamed for even
thinking about doing something violent. That's probably why you don't get it--you haven't lived it.
In many rituals I've been in, we've looked into the potential we hold within ourselves, both for good, bad, and everything in between (and remember even in decay and destruction there is life and beauty) and reflected on what we want to do with those powers, and how we want use power and travel our paths to live in harmony with our own values and goals. Of course, in more recent years, I've moved away from rituals in part because I was often surrounded by people who took the deities far more seriously than I ever could. It's not history or fact--it's fiction.