Taupey
Veteran
Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
06 Mar 2011, 3:07 pm
06 Mar 2011, 3:15 pm
06 Mar 2011, 4:52 pm
Taupey wrote:
How do you walk away from someone you love so much knowing you will never see them alive again? It was horrible.
Hugs Taupey. 
(dammit, now I'm off again today
)
Taupey
Veteran
Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
06 Mar 2011, 5:23 pm
Cornflake wrote:
Taupey wrote:
How do you walk away from someone you love so much knowing you will never see them alive again? It was horrible.
Hugs Taupey. (dammit, now I'm off again today
)Thank You Cornflake.
07 Mar 2011, 1:29 am
auntblabby wrote:
NcNbl wrote:
right now
the way i cheer myself up, is to remind myself that whatever it is that upset me, that i did the best that i could do at that time. i was sad when i awoke this morning, i had a flashback to when my late mother was dying of cancer, and she asked me just before she died, "do you think i am going to die soon?" and i weakly and clumsily [my normal manner] replied, "sorry, i wish i could tell you, but i don't have access to that information." later that night she stroked out and died. so my last words to her were a total failure. but i tried to be good to her in her last moments, but i just don't have the right stuff to be effectively good to anybody, i guess. but i tried. hard.
Cornflake wrote:
Just now, when I read what auntblabby wrote.
It reminded me of what I said to my father shortly before he died last year.
I wanted to say so much; to forgive, to tell him that I loved him despite appearances, to tell him that we know he'd done his best for us, to let him go - but my last words all fell far short of what I meant.
But I guess that when faced with it, words would fail for anyone else too.
It reminded me of what I said to my father shortly before he died last year.
I wanted to say so much; to forgive, to tell him that I loved him despite appearances, to tell him that we know he'd done his best for us, to let him go - but my last words all fell far short of what I meant.
But I guess that when faced with it, words would fail for anyone else too.
Thank you auntblabby.. at least they had you there. and sometimes thats all anybody could ever ask. its not just about what you were able or not able to say, sometimes you don't really need to say anything and being there is even far more than enough during times.
i have died a thousand deaths in time and my aspie wouldn't even look. i really feel very repulsive, unwanted and appalling.. i'm sorry i don't know what i have done to myself, i am broken. i feel empty.
_________________
"If being in a wrong planet; I think I like your's."
NT, knighted 
Honorary Aspie for my love for an aspie.. 
Last edited by NcNbl on 07 Mar 2011, 1:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
07 Mar 2011, 1:35 am
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,608
Location: the island of defective toy santas
07 Mar 2011, 3:09 am
07 Mar 2011, 3:19 am
07 Mar 2011, 5:13 am
auntblabby wrote:
NcNbl wrote:
i have died a thousand deaths in time and my aspie wouldn't even look. i really feel very repulsive, unwanted and appalling.. i'm sorry i don't know what i have done to myself, i am broken. i feel empty.
i'm sure you are a dish. you deserve much better than that. i wish i was your age and in your neighborhood.
thank you.. but so far, this is me..
_________________
"If being in a wrong planet; I think I like your's."
NT, knighted Honorary Aspie for my love for an aspie.. auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,608
Location: the island of defective toy santas
07 Mar 2011, 8:18 am
NcNbl wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
NcNbl wrote:
i have died a thousand deaths in time and my aspie wouldn't even look. i really feel very repulsive, unwanted and appalling.. i'm sorry i don't know what i have done to myself, i am broken. i feel empty.
i'm sure you are a dish. you deserve much better than that. i wish i was your age and in your neighborhood.
thank you.. but so far, this is me..
judging at least by the externals you have presented here on WP [avatar, writing style] you seem like quite the catch. even if the present object of your affection is falling down on the job of being good to you, there are legions of others who'd be willing to take his place. of this i am positive. i have trouble "getting" what about this man is making you feel so down on yourself. i mean, it is not as though the angel gabriel alit on your doorstep and told you "YOU SUCK!" no, the one you are hung-up over is merely human, after all, and not better than yourself, and as such a mere mortal, really is powerless to make you feel bad without your consent. i just wish i could wave a magic wand over you to convince you of this, and to make you feel better
07 Mar 2011, 8:23 am
NcNbl wrote:
i have died a thousand deaths in time and my aspie wouldn't even look. i really feel very repulsive, unwanted and appalling.. i'm sorry i don't know what i have done to myself, i am broken. i feel empty.
Hugs NcNbl; a long and slowly rocking hug.
We'll cry together, Ok?
07 Mar 2011, 4:44 pm
Cornflake wrote:
NcNbl wrote:
i have died a thousand deaths in time and my aspie wouldn't even look. i really feel very repulsive, unwanted and appalling.. i'm sorry i don't know what i have done to myself, i am broken. i feel empty.
Hugs NcNbl; a long and slowly rocking hug.We'll cry together, Ok?
thank you.. that would have been very comforting..
_________________
"If being in a wrong planet; I think I like your's."
NT, knighted Honorary Aspie for my love for an aspie.. 07 Mar 2011, 4:58 pm
auntblabby wrote:
NcNbl wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
NcNbl wrote:
i have died a thousand deaths in time and my aspie wouldn't even look. i really feel very repulsive, unwanted and appalling.. i'm sorry i don't know what i have done to myself, i am broken. i feel empty.
i'm sure you are a dish. you deserve much better than that. i wish i was your age and in your neighborhood.
thank you.. but so far, this is me..
judging at least by the externals you have presented here on WP [avatar, writing style] you seem like quite the catch. even if the present object of your affection is falling down on the job of being good to you, there are legions of others who'd be willing to take his place. of this i am positive. i have trouble "getting" what about this man is making you feel so down on yourself. i mean, it is not as though the angel gabriel alit on your doorstep and told you "YOU SUCK!" no, the one you are hung-up over is merely human, after all, and not better than yourself, and as such a mere mortal, really is powerless to make you feel bad without your consent. i just wish i could wave a magic wand over you to convince you of this, and to make you feel better
thank you.. but where are these legions? i dont really know about that.. and no, angel gabriel didn't just popped out and said that, he left post-its spelling it to me everyday.. that mortal used to give meaning and worth to my mortality. he is but human, but when you love someone they mean more that. and to mean nothing to them is kinda the ladder going down. i'm sorry, i know i probably don't make sufficient sense..
_________________
"If being in a wrong planet; I think I like your's."
NT, knighted Honorary Aspie for my love for an aspie.. auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,608
Location: the island of defective toy santas
07 Mar 2011, 9:59 pm
NcNbl wrote:
but where are these legions? i dont really know about that.. and no, angel gabriel didn't just popped out and said that, he left post-its spelling it to me everyday.. that mortal used to give meaning and worth to my mortality. he is but human, but when you love someone they mean more that. and to mean nothing to them is kinda the ladder going down. i'm sorry, i know i probably don't make sufficient sense..
i wish i could impart on you the inclination to think less with your heart, which is subject to heartache- by thinking less with your heart, your gray matter can more effectively think its way to helping you feel better about yourself right now. your heartache is keeping your brain matter from seeing the good mate material around you that you are hurting too much to acknowledge. i know it seems presently that this person in your heart is the only one for you, for all time- and that to lose him would be a catastrophe- but if you were to travel to the future and look back at your present self, you would see that you do survive and thrive no matter what one other person thinks or doesn't think about you. you will see that life goes on. if you were to heighten your vision yet more broadly, to where it encompasses your loved one's lifetime as well, you would see that he is probably going through his own dark night of the soul, for if things were working well in his own gray matter, he would have seen by now that you are a catch and would have jumped at the chance to be with you. but he at present has his own problems that interfere with his ability to properly relate with you, which is what is making you feel bad about yourself in the present. so you see, it is much bigger than you, it is his own problems that you shouldn't allow to make you feel bad about yourself, because they are HIS problems and NOT your problems. i hope this made sense to you.
god bless
bruce
08 Mar 2011, 1:34 am
auntblabby wrote:
i wish i could impart on you the inclination to think less with your heart, which is subject to heartache- by thinking less with your heart, your gray matter can more effectively think its way to helping you feel better about yourself right now. your heartache is keeping your brain matter from seeing the good mate material around you that you are hurting too much to acknowledge. i know it seems presently that this person in your heart is the only one for you, for all time- and that to lose him would be a catastrophe- but if you were to travel to the future and look back at your present self, you would see that you do survive and thrive no matter what one other person thinks or doesn't think about you. you will see that life goes on. if you were to heighten your vision yet more broadly, to where it encompasses your loved one's lifetime as well, you would see that he is probably going through his own dark night of the soul, for if things were working well in his own gray matter, he would have seen by now that you are a catch and would have jumped at the chance to be with you. but he at present has his own problems that interfere with his ability to properly relate with you, which is what is making you feel bad about yourself in the present. so you see, it is much bigger than you, it is his own problems that you shouldn't allow to make you feel bad about yourself, because they are HIS problems and NOT your problems. i hope this made sense to you.god bless
bruce
thank you, i hope my misery isn't annoying or bothering you.. as for good mate material around me, trust me there's none around me and there are none that are good. i think what i am severely grieving about is also mostly losing the person that i am to him, because i like who i was to him and i can't be that to anybody again. its the nico in his eyes that i like that he seems to no longer care about and/or can't even look at.
i know what you mean and i understand it all but it it doesn't mean it wont hurt.. sometimes it even hurts or more because you understand. i walked in to this with my heart, so its my heart that needs to get out of this. so, so far this is me till my heart and i find a way but i dont even know where to start nor if i have the strength and courage to do it too now.. i know i sound very desperate and pathetic, i'm sorry..
i feel like a severely weird loser ugly aspie trying to get a creeped out hotshot bigshot NT to like him.
i dont mean any offense, i'm just trying to make a comparison with how it could feel and how difficult it could be.
_________________
"If being in a wrong planet; I think I like your's."
NT, knighted Honorary Aspie for my love for an aspie.. Last edited by NcNbl on 09 Mar 2011, 2:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
08 Mar 2011, 7:01 am
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