Post random truths about your parents.
subalternnavert
Snowy Owl
Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 173
Location: Boiling Springs, PA
I never knew my father, he left the house one day to go out and never came back, I was almost 3 years old, my brothers were 8 and almost 2. He never paid any child support, they got divorced on grounds of abandonment and he changed his name numerous times, remarried and had kids, and left all of them the same way. My mother is a very strong person to have raised us the way she did all by herself, especially with no financial support. Also she is an excellent grandmother to my two ASD boys and she "gets" them.
_________________
NT mom of two ASD boys
"Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is
fighting some kind of battle".
Going through what you did, and having such a strong role model in your mother likely explains why you seem so grounded. I can never understand why a man would walk out on his children. I can't imagine not being with mine, which is why I tolerate an openly aggressive and passively aggressive wife who has never apologized once or accepted responsibility for any of our problems. I'd rather spend the next 18 years in relationship hell, than spend one day away from my kids.
_________________
I won?t tell anyone else how to be
You can be yourself, but just let me be me
well, I am grounded now but it was really hard growing up without a father and my mom worked a lot (had to with 3 kids). I was really stupid and did things for attention, I understand things more now than I ever did before. I don't understand it either, and not only did he walk out on us, he did the same thing to three other women (that we know of, there may be more). I never knew any of my relatives from that side of the family because they all blamed my mom for him leaving. Even now they do not know where he is or what his name is now.
Cheers to you for being a good father!
_________________
NT mom of two ASD boys
"Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is
fighting some kind of battle".
Last edited by jaleb on 30 Aug 2007, 11:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Thanks!
I have little contact with my father, despite living just 30-45 miles away. As a kid, I didn't see him much, because he was in the Navy and gone a lot. Since he was in the Silent Service, many times we did not even know where he was and had absolutely no contact. When he was home, he slept all weekend and did little for us. He did coach my sister in softball, but my sister sees that as just a control thing. I really have little recollection of him being a dad. Part of that may have been me, but it continues today. He is so emotionally vacant in person, but cries in e-mails and cards about how much he wants to connect. I have told him to do that through my kids by being a grandfather. That is what I want from him. I really don't need him like that now that I am my own man.
When he brought another woman into his marriage with my mom, too complicated to explain, it ultimately led to their divorce and my mom being messed up for several years. He ended up meeting someone else later on eHarmony and married her. I refused to go to the wedding for two reasons. First, I didn't like her. Second, seeing my dad happy while my mother was struggling would have just made me ill and I figured what was the point in being there if I felt sick to my stomach? That would have served no purpose for either my father or me. His new wife has insisted he include her in everything, which has led to him not being invited to family events like my kid's Birthday Parties (this weekend). I can't believe that neither her nor (more importantly) him can put that aside so he can be their for his grandkids. My mom is willing to allow him to be there, and even said his new wife could come, but neither my sister nor I want her there, and we know my mom is only saying that to take the high ground. I guess I am saying I have a father, but not a dad. I love him, but do not care if we ever mend the apparent rift between us. He never even calls to say hi to us, including the kids on their birthdays. He truly is clueless.
I do give him credit for two things. One, for teaching me how not to handle finances. He is still in debt from not saving for college for my sister and I and other stupid expenses. Second, he showed me how not to be a dad.
Interestingly, my relationship with my mother is based solely around sports and my kids. That is all we talk about, which I now understand is likely an AS trait on my part. We are close, but it is not like I call her every day or even see her every week, and she lives 30-35 miles away. I call her from Red Sox games to give her updates and to get the low down on instant replays I cannot see live at the park. I call her from college football games too, mostly Miami, but also Louisville and Virginia at times. We discuss the games on a regular basis, other sports as well, like the New England Patriots.
_________________
I won?t tell anyone else how to be
You can be yourself, but just let me be me
Thanks!
I have little contact with my father, despite living just 30-45 miles away. As a kid, I didn't see him much, because he was in the Navy and gone a lot. Since he was in the Silent Service, many times we did not even know where he was and had absolutely no contact. When he was home, he slept all weekend and did little for us. He did coach my sister in softball, but my sister sees that as just a control thing. I really have little recollection of him being a dad. Part of that may have been me, but it continues today. He is so emotionally vacant in person, but cries in e-mails and cards about how much he wants to connect. I have told him to do that through my kids by being a grandfather. That is what I want from him. I really don't need him like that now that I am my own man.
When he brought another woman into his marriage with my mom, too complicated to explain, it ultimately led to their divorce and my mom being messed up for several years. He ended up meeting someone else later on eHarmony and married her. I refused to go to the wedding for two reasons. First, I didn't like her. Second, seeing my dad happy while my mother was struggling would have just made me ill and I figured what was the point in being there if I felt sick to my stomach? That would have served no purpose for either my father or me. His new wife has insisted he include her in everything, which has led to him not being invited to family events like my kid's Birthday Parties (this weekend). I can't believe that neither her nor (more importantly) him can put that aside so he can be their for his grandkids. My mom is willing to allow him to be there, and even said his new wife could come, but neither my sister nor I want her there, and we know my mom is only saying that to take the high ground. I guess I am saying I have a father, but not a dad. I love him, but do not care if we ever mend the apparent rift between us. He never even calls to say hi to us, including the kids on their birthdays. He truly is clueless.
I do give him credit for two things. One, for teaching me how not to handle finances. He is still in debt from not saving for college for my sister and I and other stupid expenses. Second, he showed me how not to be a dad.
Interestingly, my relationship with my mother is based solely around sports and my kids. That is all we talk about, which I now understand is likely an AS trait on my part. We are close, but it is not like I call her every day or even see her every week, and she lives 30-35 miles away. I call her from Red Sox games to give her updates and to get the low down on instant replays I cannot see live at the park. I call her from college football games too, mostly Miami, but also Louisville and Virginia at times. We discuss the games on a regular basis, other sports as well, like the New England Patriots.
but at least you have some kind of relationship with your mother, it is better than none. Sounds like you are better off without your father now anyway.
_________________
NT mom of two ASD boys
"Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is
fighting some kind of battle".
My father is a complete w*ker and just told me it was my fault that he and my mom divorced 10 years ago, when I was 26, because I said I was not comfortable being around them with the additional woman he forced into his marriage, and my mom begrudgingly accepted to try and sacrifice and save their marriage. He is delusional and spends his whole life passing blame for all of his mistakes and the pain he has caused other people.
_________________
I won?t tell anyone else how to be
You can be yourself, but just let me be me
My parents have had their picture taken with John Prescott.
One member of The Stranglers attended their wedding.
My mother is the second youngest of 8 siblings.
My mother was 20, and my father was 19, when they married, and my mother was pregnant with me two months later.
_________________
Aspies: Because great minds think alone.
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