Funny, corny joke thread

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A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?"
His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me the Treasury.
Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government.
We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People.
The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.
Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now!"
The father says, "That's great son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies:
"Well, while the Treasury is screwing the Working Class,
the Government is sound asleep
the People are being ignored
and the Future is in deep $ђ!+."

A girl asked her boyfriend: "Claudia Schiffer and Elizabeth Taylor, who is more beautiful?"

The boy looked at the girl and asked, "Aren't you in the options?"

After hearing this, the girl couldn't hide her smile, and shyly asked, "Then...Claudia Schiffer, Elizabeth Taylor and me, who is more beautiful?"

Boy: "Elizabeth Taylor."

Venison's dear isn't it?

Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist said I could be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle.  So I guess . . .

A wife was enjoying the fact that her husband was out with the boys, so she was making whoopie with a well-hung neighbor. She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds.

"Who was it?" he asked.

"My husband," she replied.

"I better get going," he said. "Where was he?"

"Relax. He's downtown playing poker with you."

A priest is driving along a country road when a policeman pulls him over.  He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

The cop says: "Have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord!  He's done it again!"

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.  The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time.

Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France."

The girls looked at one another, arose, and started for the door.

"Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane for Paris doesn't leave until tomorrow afternoon."

Q: Who wears a red suit and keeps lists of people who have been naughty?

There is this guy who has a 25 inch dork. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make it smaller because he just can't please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn't found a lady yet who likes it and he can't get any pleasure.

She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog when he finds the frog he is to ask it to marry him. If the frog says no, his willy will shrink 5 inches.

He goes into the woods and finds this frog. He asks "frog, will you marry me?"
The frog says "no" And his thalawacker shrinks five inches. The guys thinks to himself, "Wow, that was pretty cool. But, it's still too big." So he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog: "Frog, will you marry me?"
Frog: "No, I won't marry you."

The guys manhood shrinks another five inches. But that's still 15 inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit too big. But he thinks that 10 inches would be just great. He goes back to the frog and asks: "Frog, will you marry me?"

Frog: "How many times do I have to tell you NO, NO, NO!! !"

[Moderator]
Please keep it clean, people.
It's getting a bit... sexual in some posts; not really appropriate in this forum.

There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.

There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

I think that people who eat snails do not like fast food.

I forgot my cell phone when I went to the "comfort room" yesterday.

At a recent pastor’s retreat each minister in attendance was asked the following question: “How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?” The answers were as follows.

A Presbyterian Pastor responded, “None. If God wants the bulb screwed in he is sovereign and will do it himself without human effort.”

A Charismatic Pastor replied, “None. The bulb doesn’t need to be changed. We should pray that it be healed.”

A Pentecostal Pastor said, “None. We simply need to cast out from the bulb the demon of darkness.”

The Fundamentalist Pastor stated, “None. We shouldn’t even enter the room because we need to keep ourselves separate from all darkness.”

A Baptist Pastor responded, “None. If we allow physical contact between a person and the bulb it might lead to dancing.”

The Wesleyan Minister replied, “None. If we just show the bulb its need, it already possesses the power to screw itself in.”

A Non-Denominational Pastor said, “None. We don’t want to make the bulb feel unwanted or uncomfortable.”

This poll provides one clear conclusion: it’s no wonder pastors are always in the dark.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.