dcj123 wrote:
Well that was short live, crying again and the sun is started to come up here.
I think I am just going to give up, suck it in like I do every night and press on as a broken as usual.
I need to go back to being selfish, for me there are two opinions and that is care about people and recognize that I have hurt some people and not live with myself or not care and be free. I guess you can see why I try and be selfish and really its deeper then just oh I upset some people. Its that I don't intend to hurt people and a lot of times I am clueless until someone has told me they have been hurt. One of many examples was my last church, I didn't realize the pastor's family had a grudge against until there was a huge confrontation and their reason for it was valid. I just didn't mean to do what I essentially caused to happen.
This is my whole life, from school to college to work to family to church and beyond. I never see the problem with my actions until its too late. I have never threatened anyone with violence but I have however said things that would logically make people uncomfortable. I never stole until I couldn't eat. I never did anything malicious to anyone's network but I have hacked the hell out of people. I have never hurt anyone but I have stood by and done nothing in violent situations. And you get the idea, I look back and I see that I have alienated people and I hurt people and I have hurt their trust but the reason it all hurts so much is I never ever meant to hurt anyone. I just wanted a place to fit in with peers and now all my peers curse me and wish me for dead when I wanted to do right by people. I just didn't think and now I am alone.
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_sad.gif)
I don't talk to people much, but it makes me sad to hear people say stuff like that.
I can't relate to that exact feeling, but I know being lonely feels like s**t and I just wanna wish you a good day.
If you don't mind hugs, please accept a virtual hug from me.((hugs))
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^
That guy is a dingus.