Dear family,
You keep inviting me to things, yet when I'm there it is always awkward. Almost always, someone has a falling out. Or Jackie (my sister) makes jibes at me and everyone else pretends everything is fine.
And again someone asks me if I want to bath the baby, or change his nappy. Everyone knows I can't say yes. Everyone knows I have OCD. Everyone knows I don't like children. Everyone knows I like my nephew. Even Jackie (sister) has said to me how she doesn't like the thought of changing someone elses' baby's nappy. So why would she ask me to do it?
I know what you're all up to. No matter how much you try to "encourage" me, I will never want to look after, or prepare myself for children. Why? I actually really don't want children. I know you all think that's very sad, but the important thing is... I don't.
And the last time you asked me to bath the baby, I said firmly, "No" (you ask me every time I visit). And Jackie said to baby, "Sigh, well it looks like you've been rejected". Let me tell you, I don't appreciate being made out to be the bad guy, just because I can't do something that's not in my nature. I don't like being manipulated.
The more you pressure me, the more I back off and miss out on family events. You want me to back off further, well it's entirely up to you.
And the hypocracy of it all? Even if I did end up with a partner and baby, which you're all so desperate for me to do:
1) You've all put up with me over the years. None of you like my AS. My AS is generational. My baby, if I ever had one, would also take on the AS, fully. You're all so googoo over the thought of babies that you forget what a nightmare you find me sometimes. Lord, mother, you go on enough to people about what a selfish, useless person I am.
2) The kid would grow up and encounter similar, maybe worse symptoms and associated problems than I have. And it would also throw and break things and want to kill itself. And how do you know I would be able to handle it? What if it turned out to be as shameful enough to hide from other family as I am, Jackie? What if the kid had no friends for most of its life? What if nobody could understand it? I'm all for having different people around, but you lot obviously aren't.
So would you really like another one of me in the world? I didn't think so either. So leave me alone.
_________________
I've left WP.