i am never actively "happy" or actively "sad". i am always at a neutral baseline in my temperament and state of mind.
i am quite content when nothing impedes what i wish to execute in my entrenched routines, and i am quite impatient when something impedes my intended progress through my daily schedule.
"contentedness" does not equal happiness, and "impatience" does not equal sadness (as i have deduced).
i have a rather shallow emotional reality. i am either confrontational in an impatient way, or i am completely aloof in an oblivious way.
i rarely fail to contain my impatience these days. explosions of discontent never facilitate an improvement in the pace of whatever procedures i wish to happen in more timely manners.
i was involved in many consultations with psychiatrists when i was a child, and they tried to work out for a short while whether i was depressed, and my expressions of contentment at how my universe was unfolding led them to believe that i was not truly happy because my internal world of "joy" contained no element derived from any other person, so they never really found out whether i was truly happy or not in that round of consultations.
they again tried to investigate what other elements of depression may be contained in my character by asking me to describe to them what circumstances i found the most upsetting and enraging in my life, and i replied that people who are fumbling in front of me in a queue make me explosively want to push them aside and proceed to do what i intend to do without them existing in my life.
from that they decided not that what i said exhibited narcissism, but it exhibited an inability to understand why other peoples intentions are valid in my world.
so i have never been professionally diagnosed as either "sad" or "happy".
that kind of makes me content (which is not a symptom of happiness apparently (and ironically)).
i am always in a complacent state of mind. i do get impatient, but "at the end of the day", i eventually laugh at my impatience. i find so many thing funny.
i laugh on my own. i wonder how may other people can do that?