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I know you hate me and refuse to understand my kind but I'm okay with that. Yes, I despise you but it's easier for me to simply ignore you. Unfortunately, since I have to be in your class twice a week, I really resent your phoniness. I'm not like you. I can't embellish the truth with chocolate-covered lies. Sorry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-YGDU1VzHA

Castello white and blue are on special this week at Woolworth and the expiry dates are ~Nov 2015. So I'll get some for you.

The more you rant and rave, the less I like you.

I know I have a stronger emotional attachment to you than you do to me. I sometimes think that it is intellectual arguments that prevented me from discussing this with you, but at others I know it's because I emotionally fear rejection. Anything less than success is unacceptable, and would damage my self image of perfection. So by refusing to even attempt a higher level of mutual emotional attachment, I have let your emotional attachment to me diminish. And somehow that is more acceptable to me than the pessimistic knowledge of certain rejection. Any attempt at a paradigm shift, no matter in which direction, will result in one. So on some level, I am sorry that perhaps I'm not strong enough to show you the respect you deserve, and attempt to shift our paradigm, because I know it would be successful to some degree.

To let me dangle at a cruel angle
Oh, my feet don't touch the floor
Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out
But you never close the door

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgeKHTcufLY

It really hurts to see you keep choosing to do this thing again and again. This is the very thing that broke us up. It was more important to you than meeting me or being with me. It hurt so much when you told me you were choosing that over me. It looks like it is always going to come between us. And I can't be connected to you as long as you are still connected to that. It was bad for me and I want nothing to do with it anymore.

What's up with the songs? Yeah that also is why we broke up, because I was always trying to decipher the songs and you couldn't give me a clear answer about anything. I've been torn between hoping something might change for the better, and fearing the worst...really I figured you were just trying to lure me back into posting there so you could try to humiliate me again. Then you did something totally unexpected, you just disappeared with no explanation. Well damn I thought maybe you were dead or sick, or something horrible happened. To be honest I halfway wished I'd never see you post anything again, just so this would all be over. It would have been so much easier like that, than seeing what you wrote today. Not again. It just opens that old wound back up again. After all the hard work of putting myself back together...

Are you doing this on purpose? Is it just a game for you? Really I can't tell. I don't know who you are anymore. Yeah a lot of people tried to tell me who you are, and HOW you are, but I don't think they know either.

Nothing about you makes any sense. I'm sick of all the games and the nonsense. It really pissed me off when your friend called me. You don't have the courage to call me yourself? Then the songs started up again, and I know I just shouldn't look, but I can't help it. You left me hanging, feeling totally mindfucked, then things just got worse and worse. So yeah naturally I am still looking for answers and trying to understand what happened.

I think you had me figured out all along though. You knew it wouldn't take much to keep me waiting and hoping, so you just throw out little pieces now and then to keep it going. Maybe I'm not strong enough yet, but one day I won't be taking the bait anymore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z8LGDzEX5k

What trip did you think this was referring to? I thought we understood each other, but I guess we don't, and I guess this is what happens when we can't have a real conversation about anything. f**k this morse code BS.

I was really starting to feel better about things between us, starting to warm up to you again, now this. All of it. I'm just STUNNED.

Gourmet Chunky Beef & Cheese sounds good. Pity there are no spicy hot pies.

I never really told you how I felt about it then, you probably knew anyway, but it hurt. It really hurt a lot. I know you tried to soften if for me, but in a way that made it worse. It came across like you were going to do what you wanted anyway, and if I didn't say it was okay then I just would have been a jerk. And I truly wanted you to be happy, I wanted you to do what you needed to do even if it disappointed me. I didn't want to stand in your way. But I didn't feel okay about it at all. I should have been honest about it, I should have said that. I just felt like I had no choice but to accept it and live with it. And I knew it meant you weren't going to meet me. You said you still wanted to, but I could tell you weren't really going to do it. Then later on when you went to these things, I felt like you were throwing it up in my face, showing it off, showing me. That hurt even worse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHcUU5nfT4o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN17L5Gb_gA

We probably can't make it to your daughter's first communion, as we already have plans that day. We did get her a card and gift, though, and will have my mom send them your way.

I can't wait to have that cream cheese ice cream. Thanks for saving some for me!

O well

The only way to describe you that comes to mind:

I spent my life learning to use words like swords, and in one motion you parried them and ducked under my guard--and you did it with a smile just as disarming.