urban myths three: why men crush beer cans.

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showman616
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26 Jul 2009, 12:54 am

The entire female half of the species seems to be baffled by the fact that men crush beer cans when they drink.

The entire female half of the species is so baffled that they feel the need to grasp at the same straw to explain the mystery. The universal female explanation for why men crush beer cans is this: its to prove how macho they are.

Its high time someone set the aforementioned gender straight.

That is NOT the reason. The reason men crush beer cans is for the same reason that you don't go around all day holding your breath- like breathing- empty beer can crushing is easier to do than to avoid doing. It takes more energy to avoid crushing an empty can than to crush it.

Ok - lets start at the beginng.
There are practical reasons for crushing beer cans. These are: it makes it easier to tell the dead soldiers from live ones, and you can fit more beer cans into the same trash can if theyre crushed ( thus make fewer trash runs). Both those are just side benifits.

The beer cans that men crush are only ONLY the aluminum kind- never the old fashioned steel kind. The steel cans are HARD to crush. The rare guy who does crush steel beer cans IS being macho- and IS impressing his buddies with his strength.

But the aluminium kind are like tissue paper. There is nothing macho about crushng them- which is the point. You cant help but crushng them.

And this begs the REAL question. Why do women avoid crushing beer cans?
Women seem to exert superhuman energy to AVOID crushing beer cans.
They treat them like priceless Ming Vases as the carry them across the room in order to throw them into the trash!

Now that behavior really does need an explanation!

Why do women exert energy to avoid damaging pieces of garbage?

But wait- there actually is an explanation for this mystery too!

The crux of the issues is this: there is a big difference between the two genders in how they hold beer cans!


Men grip them with all fingers like a clamp. women suspend them from just the tips of their fingers like the handle of a bucket.


That plus the fact that men have bigger hands leads naturally to beer can collapse as the contents get drained ( and no longer exert outward pressure on the can).

And conversely why the ladies dont crush cans- the finger tips dont touch the vulnerable sides of the cans.



Izaak
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26 Jul 2009, 2:11 am

or if you crush them you can hold more at once too.

I.e. four cans in each hand between each of the fingers. Plus those cradled ontop of the arm. This way it is entirely possible to carry an entire carton (empty of course) in one trip to the bin...



Vanilla_Slice
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26 Jul 2009, 4:24 am

A friend of mine used to take bites out of beer cans as a joke. He then went on vacation and tried to bite through a steel beer can.

$8,000 bucks later the dentist had finished repairing the damage.

All together now................

O U CH ! !! !

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oppositedirection
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26 Jul 2009, 5:58 am

Don't think I've ever tried crushing a beer can before... But given your logical and fair arguments, maybe I might start...



spooky13
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26 Jul 2009, 12:18 pm

LOL! I used to date a guy who bit beer cans, never understood it at all.


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26 Jul 2009, 1:01 pm

Like a shotgun bite? I've seen knuckleheads do that, it's ridiculous. Dude hits the full unopened can on his forehead a couple times to build up some pressure and then bites into the can and swills the beer down thru the bite hole.

I've witnessed and participated in experimental wild beer rituals that are pretty off the charts, but for some reason I never was into the can crushing thing. It is an interesting theory though, and well-written.



pakled
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26 Jul 2009, 3:48 pm

I like crushing them after I'm done, but only to see how small I can make 'em...;)

It's probably up there with why men like the 3 Stooges...;)



SabbraCadabra
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26 Jul 2009, 3:51 pm

Nobody crushes them in Michigan, that's 10¢ down the drain.

It's tempting though...I'll do it with non-returnable stuff, like Brisk cans. Still working on the "crush it on your forehead" thing :oops:


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27 Jul 2009, 2:15 pm

It's a Yank thing. The only beer I drink comes in bottles.


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30 Jul 2009, 11:26 am

I have not ever heard of this myth. I thought it did not count as “macho” unless you obnoxiously drew attention to yourself before flattening the thing with your forehead, and proceeding to “bump chests” with other males, with follow up “high fives” for the lower ranked cheerers on.



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30 Jul 2009, 11:33 pm

pandd wrote:
I have not ever heard of this myth. I thought it did not count as “macho” unless you obnoxiously drew attention to yourself before flattening the thing with your forehead, and proceeding to “bump chests” with other males, with follow up “high fives” for the lower ranked cheerers on.


Obviously a Yank thing ....


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SabbraCadabra
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31 Jul 2009, 1:18 pm

Seems more like a redneck thing than a Yank thing if you ask me, but maybe I'm just being racist :oops:


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07 Aug 2009, 1:37 am

pandd wrote:
you obnoxiously drew attention to yourself before flattening the thing with your forehead

Everyone has done that once... right? :oops:

I also like the one: Guys who are attracted to skinny/thin women are secretly gay.
(Ergo everyone was gay in the 1920's.)



CaroleTucson
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08 Aug 2009, 6:29 pm

I have an airtight excuse as to why I don't crush beer cans ...

I don't drink beer.



iniudan
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08 Aug 2009, 8:54 pm

To me that a legend for no men I know drink their beer from a can. So none are crushing them. =p


Has for me I don't drink beer can't stand the taste of yeast.

I am more for an ice cold vodka without ice (in other word at temp it is suppose to be serve, not freaking room temp like most keep it, don't mind room temp one actually but shrug it taste like s**t compared to bellow 0 vodka)



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10 Aug 2009, 3:41 pm

I don't really give a toss either way if men crush beer cans or not, or even how they crush them. They can crush them on their head or between their buttcheeks for all I give a damn. But do you know what really ticks me off? When, after they have crushed said beer can, they simply throw it on the floor and leave it for someone else to clean up instead of discarding it in a bin. It's such a simple act to perform and yet some guys just can't do it. It really irks me!My ex used to do this and it really irritated me.


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